to think grandparents do not have to ttoreat their step grandchildren exactly the same way as their blood grandchildren? Part 2

Can’t guarantee it’ll be an Apple Watch or a pony but sure, I’ve got nothing against giving the kids presents.

My mum has never actually met my stepson in the 4 years I’ve been with my partner, and still grants him birthday and Christmas gifts.

Exactly. But you don’t seem open to ever treating your SGC as part of the family. Of course you don’t “have” to. But it’s sad that just because they aren’t your blood relatives you’d never even consider it. By that token I wouldn’t have this lovely relationship with my step grandad because he would have just closed off right from the beginning. And I’m not saying he should have paid my school fees (I don’t think you should either). But you just seem very emotionally closed off and it’s sad. In my opinion, having been that stepchild.

Weird how that line only works for you with SC, isn’t it.

People should take ownership of their choices when marrying people with existing children, but not when they decide to have them themselves. They’re both choices. We’re either owning them, or not.

It’s grabby to want children to be treated fairly, but not grabby to expect your mother to pay to clothe your kids.

SC are entitled if they want an Easter egg, but you’re not entitled if you fund your children’s education from various pots of money you haven’t earned, or in fact if you send your kids to horse riding lessons that you haven’t paid for.

There’s only one group of people being spoilt and entitled here - but rich people gonna rich 🤷🏻‍♀️!

Like anything in life, there are nuances. Blood isn’t always thicker than water.

Surely you just do what feels right for your family? I actually agree that the OP shouldn’t feel obliged to pay school fees for SGC. But likewise she does sound quite cold about them and that’s sad.

So addressing this to OP - I am very close to my stepdad and his children have disowned him. I see my stepdad’s dad (my grandad as I see him) and he puts up photos of my children and sees them. In your scenario, he shouldn’t put up photos of my children because they’re not blood relatives? Why?

No, no - decent people take care of their GC. Nobody should be expected to take care of anyone beyond GC just because sure their AC decided to couple up with another parent. Would it be nice - yes. Is it mandatory - no. Does it make anyone a bad person if they don’t treat SGC like their own GC - also no.

My mum used to deal with this situation when I was a step parent by buying my children and DSD small but nice presents at christmas of about equal value depending on what they wanted. Then she would put money in to my children's bank accounts as the second part of there present but not DSD.
I have no issue with this as they were very welcoming to DSD, she even came away on holidays with them and got invited to family weddings and stuff. However DSD also had very hands on maternal grandparents who were very generous to her and it just wasn't the same relationship she had with my parents.

If I got remarried again, I would still leave my house and all my money to be split between my children to do as they wish- probably won't remarry for this reason.

No definitley not. Maybe just a token gesture gift in this instance. And for all children everywhere to be shielded from the shitty dynamics and complexities of the lifestyles the adults in their lives have chosen.

No, no - you were right the first time.

People should be encouraged to pay for their own choices.

But those children are OP’s actual family, her grandkids. OP is happy paying for their education. But the other children are really nothing to do with OP and to suddenly expect people to park their natural feelings and love random children like their own GC is frankly deluded

You’re right. That’s quite enough gifts, someone should stop buying them, actually.

Giving children presents, how awful an idea!

That’s a fair point.

OP’s daughter chose to have children and bring them into her world, perhaps she also should stop expecting someone else’s wallet to pay for their education and horse riding.

In my case, my stepdaughter has stepkids who have children. I've met the stepkids once that I can recall for certain (possibly a second time) - 25 years ago. I've never met their children...

I hope you buy them all generous gifts ……. 😂😂😂

I don't understand why wills should include stepchildren unless the grandparents wish to do that. The stepchildren have their own grandparents so if anything are at an advantage.

lol Pil treated their bio grandchildren differently.

their DD’s children had all their hobbies paid for, support for private school, large cash gifts, house deposit, left money in the will.

son’s kids got nothing.

so expecting people to treat Stepgc equally seems unreasonable to me.

Good point. If they didn’t have 4 other kids to finance perhaps OP’s DD could fork out for school fees herself.

Pretending SC don’t have other sets of GP and parents is the only plebeian behaviour. It may be your choice to bring SC into your world but nobody else should be responsible or have their wallets hit because of it.

Exactly. the DD’s step children. Not OP’s.

This is in response to a poster about a different situation

All those posters who insist that step grandchildren, step nephews and nieces etc should be treated exactly the same as biological relatives, presumably you think that in laws( ie people related to you only by marriage, like step relations) should be treated exactly the same too?

So if you have a son or daughter in law would you spend exactly the same amount on them as you do your child at birthdays and Christmas?

Do you expect your parents to spend the same amount on your spouse as they do on you?

What about when grandchildren get married, should the grandparents spend the same on the grandchild's spouse for birthdays and Christmas? What about sisters and brothers in law?

I have a daughter in law and had an ex son in law. I love my daughter in law but she has her own parents, I spend generously on her birthday and Christmas but not nearly as much as I spend on my son. I also do give joint presents sometimes. Her parents give her much more generous presents than they do to my son although they love him very much, we all think that's normal.
My mother gives her a token gift or sometimes nothing, my son's never had a gift from his wife's grandmother, again that's all normal and fine.

In my case, my stepdaughter has stepkids who have children. I've met the stepkids once that I can recall for certain (possibly a second time) - 25 years ago. I've never met their children...

So if SC still see their biological extended family surely it's reasonable for them to have less? Do these members of their extended family buy expensive gifts and treats for the step children the other way round? My ex husband and I have a DS. Ex now has a step daughter from second marriage8. I am remarried and have a DD with new husband. According to mumsnetters my exes DSD should get gifts from my parents and also inherit from them. It's nonsense. My DD and DS inherit from me, Dh and their DF and naturally get gifts etc. Is this not enough?