To want to cry at the cost

@Charltonstrek this is coming from someone in a multicultural family which includes family members in Pakistan (and elsewhere)...

His son's wedding is not any of your responsibility. He is responsible for fulfilling his cultural obligations, commitments and preferences to his family members, not you. He sounds like a bit of a man-child if he can't manage and take responsibility for finances as a joint and equal partner, tbh. An adult man really should be able to manage a budget and establish boundaries.

Do not compromise your own financial security for him. If he's a DP rather than a DH, you have no financial security and fewer rights (legally and in some respects culturally) than if you were married, so you need to look out for yourself and your DS. Separate out the finances, tell your DP he needs to step up and manage things more responsibly - if he can't do that, then you probably need to decide whether you want to continue this mess or walk away. Personally, I'd find it really unattractive if a grown man needed me to manage his finances for him due to laziness, incompetence or both.

You need to tell him there's no money left. Screenshot the bank balance and send him a picture if necessary. Money is not infinite and he needs to learn that. If you're going to struggle to pay essential bills next month, he can't get more money for parties and will just have to cope with what he's got. It might be a bit socially embarrassing for him but social embarrassment is preferable to homelessness.

To be fair if he passes his wage on to her and she’s the one who does all the budgeting then it becomes communal.

You've posted before that your DP is an asylum seeker. Not that I have an issue with that, but how does going home to visit, work?

You've also posted that you spend almost £1k on your 24 year old DC at Christmas. So not all money issues are on other people, clearly @Charltonstrek

For a different perspective, you both rent. You may be the lower earner by sounds of it suggesting that when big expenses like weddings aren’t in the equation you both manage not too bad with him contributing more and you being given full control of the joint pot. If that’s right. He gives you his £s, tried to get more time to save, and is also going to suffer the debt hangover when he is back.
Just my view but he didn’t ask to be in this position either. His DC have lost their Mum. Cultural pressure sounds massive. Also if he has been covering some of your share too, that could’ve been £s he saved for kids weddings.
Why not pull together and address the debt together when he’s back? Be a bit lousy to say what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine. Joint pot when it’s favourable, separate when not.
You don’t need to lay into him but instead could sit down and outline the impact the situation has had and that you both need to work rest of year to clear it. If not go 50-50 on everything herein and keep your own £s and don’t touch his wage.
On plus side divorce is rare there and only 3 more to go!

Is this money he used his money or yours. I don't subscribe to the MN theory of all money being communal.

I have to agree with this, op you are lying on the floor and he is mistaking you for a doormat and walking all over you.
You have to stop letting him do this.

You need to tell him enough is enough, there physically isn't any money left to give.

Just because he's in another country right now doesn't mean that he can't arrange his own loan in his own name.

I suspect the only thing stopping him is exactly that though...because it'll be in his name and his responsibility to see it's paid back.

His wife died many years ago his children he has 4 are all grown up living in pakistan and scraping by for a living me and dp met online.

OP sorry to say this but it really sounds like he went into the relationship with you for the money. Not sure if this is the first of his 4 children that got married but he'll be trying to pump money out of you when each subsequent one gets married as well.

As many here have said, you sound fairly vulnerable and not in the best position to be in an inter-cultural relationship with stepchildren involved. You need to draw up a boundary now about sending money you don't have. Regardless of whether he was in Pakistan or the UK when you met, it doesn't sound like a healthy basis for a relationship.

I’m sure I will. But it’s the truth…depression + no job = financial worries = further depression. I’m not saying it’s the magical remedy but having to get up and go out to work keeps you in a routine, plus you see people which can help lift your mood.

I am sorry OP, its about time you grew a backbone and some bloody balls and started to stand up for yourself, respect yourself and your son!
He
Is
Taking
You
For
A
Mug and you are letting him

It sounds like you have decided to borrow money to give away.

This is obviously a terrible decision and you are now feeling the consequences of that.

It might not seem clear to you at the moment, but it is clear to everyone else that you need to stop giving money away.

If you won't do that then your situation will get worse and you will feel worse. You have caused this, you are the only one who can stop it.

So just don’t? It’s nothing to do with you. You are not married and don’t have kids together. This is one situation where a couple should keep separate finances.

@KellySeveride you’re probably going to be torn to shreds for that but I agree 😬

Im just going to say it OP. Your depression would massively improve if you went to work and were financially stable. Stop using depression and ADHD as a reason to not work.

I have ADHD and manage to hold down a perfectly average job.

Do you live in a very expensive area? Because if you both work + PIP + your DS is already grown up, I’m struggling to understand how this is happening.

Regardless, once he’s back you both need to focus on getting your finances in order.

I would probably also try to dig a little bit and make sure whatever story he’s telling you is legit. He wouldn’t be the first or last man to keep a family back home.

There is every chance he's funding his family with your money.

The old saying "it's so easy to spend someone else's money" comes to mind.
He's not fussed as it not him getting into debt.

Did you get the flight money back from the potential scam site you bought from? At that point you were paying for two tx for you and your DP. You decided to not go @Charltonstrek ?

This doesn't happen, unfortunately. The most money I spend is when I'm holidaying in my home country. Between family, activities etc, money just 'evaporates' - Lord knows where it goes... Anywhere else, and I come come back with change 🤷🏾‍♀️.

You shouldn't be sending him money and running up your overdraft and stress levels though. With a wedding and family around, he'll manage to spend every penny you send him and you'll be stuck in a cycle of misery.
Let him figure out the rest until he gets home.

So have his kids been brought up there & he only moved to UK hen they were adults?

Either way he knew that at some point this would happen so should have been saving.

Realistically what has he been expected to pay for & what is him showing off I wonder.

Are the wedding celebrations for the whole time he is there?

I think you have to accept some responsibility for being too much of a pushover here @Charltonstrek, but we want to help you and we will try to lend you a bit of backbone each whilst you concentrate on growing your own spine ✊🏻😁

Why the hell are you in debt for this. That's the whole point of not being married...it isn't your problem.
The entire debt should be in his name only.
He could easily go back to Pakistan and leave you with all the debt. You need to get fiancial advice urgently. Go to citizens advice.

OP, what's so hard about saying, by email "sorry, there is no money left. None in the bank, no one will loan me any more, the money is gone". What's the worst he's going to do? He can't physically hurt you, he can't drag you to a bank and physically force you to take money out - he's thousands of miles away! You are in complete control here - all you have to do is NOT send the money, that's it - you don't have to tell him you're not sending it, if you find that hard. The main thing is to just NOT send it - which must be easier for you than the faff of sending it surely? Because you literally just need to do nothing.

If he directly asks for money, and you really can't bring yourself to say no, then just be vague "it should get to you soon" or whatever, then eventually just blame it on the bank/credit card company for refusing you any more overdraft (which they might anyway).

What about your DS ? All this is very unfair on him, having a mother getting into debt for her boyfriend's family.

They are using you to finance things they cannot afford.

Just turn off the money tap and repeat 'there is no more money' ad infinitum.

You are vulnerable and need to look after yourself first.

This is a small scale solution to free up money, but how are you converting the GBP to PKR? Hope it's with a international bank service like Revolut or Wise, and not something that charges massive fees.

Your partner sounds like a complete liability when it comes to money I think you need to separate from him in some way or get very tough about money!