To want to cry at the cost

It’s too late now but he should have only went over for a very short amount of time. I imagine as the father of the groom the spending was always going to be lavish.

Sorry, but yes. This.
You don't have it spare, don't make yourself short so you're worrying over bills and food.
Tell him sorry, but you haven't got any more to give.
He'll have to find it himself or surely a relative there would help him out.

What a bizarre thing to say. Nikkah is a wedding contract, almost identical to saying, i accept .... to be my husband. A bit of research before commenting would really work wonders. Whose to say the lady is a Muslim, but even if she is, under islamic rules, the lady does not have to share a penny with her husband. This lady has chosen to give her husband money and she could have just said no. That's on her not religion.

Op I think that you need to confess how much this holiday & wedding have cost, because YOU YOU need to see the truth

For a wedding & a holiday that you are not attending

Let me start for you

Flights
Transport to & from airport in UK & abroad
Travel insurance
Loss of wages while on holiday
Spending money while on holiday
Food
Accommodation or is he staying with his family ?
Clothes (Op mentioned) would be cheaper to buy in Pakistan
Wedding present (gift of money ?)
Total Cost is ???

Do not send him another penny !

I don’t mean to sound mean but in his Islamic culture you’ll probably never be accepted as his ‘wife’ but rather you will simply be seen as
Nikah mutah or ‘pleasure wife’. Have some self respect and walk away from this one sided arrogance and find someone of your own culture who will treat you with respect and as a valued individual.

I'm always looking at other people rather than myself not sure why

Possibly because your fundamental world-view is that if you look after other people around you, they will look after you. And you want to be looked after.

Sorry, life doesn't work that way.
Basically, you have to learn to look after yourself. There is no-one who is going to rescue you.

I'm too much for wanting to help out unfortunately at my own peril leads me to believe that you see yourself as a victim, @Charltonstrek?

And you've had support and empathy. But over the years you've been posting and the issues you've raised... your actions and inactions: gently, won't you agree that there is more in your control if you'd only take some constructive criticism and deal with the real issues and not the red herrings?

OP, I strongly advise you to become financially independent, so that you only have to manage your own finances. You shouldn't be managing anyone else’s. All adults have to take responsibility for themselves.

You’re clearly struggling to manage finances because your DP is living beyond his means. You should not be getting into debt paying for things for him that he can’t afford. It doesn’t matter what demands are being put on him. That’s for him to deal with.

I suggest you read up on financial abuse and seek help, e.g. from Surviving Economic Abuse. https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/i-need-help/

OP - you said it yourself Because I deal with all finances. You need to deal with it and give within your means.

His family in Pakistan are treating you and your DP as a cash cow, keep asking for money, and it keeps coming, no wonder they think you have lots. I doubt this arrangement works the other way so you both need to look after yourselves first and foremost.

You and your DP have to sit down and budget properly point forward for how much money his family get.

I'd suggest your MH issues OP come from this man and his cocklodging. Remove that and you'll likely find that your MH improves overnight....

This is really difficult for you and feeling out of control will be aggravating both you mental and physical health. Do you have any strategies for trying to calm yourself down and break the cycle of panic?
Focus on some positives, you have the rent money, that matters most.
This may be a wake up call to be less vulnerable in the future to unplanned expenses. You say he leaves you to control the finances but does he check there is money before sending it to his family? If not you have responsibility without control which is a recipe for stress. He needs to understand that there is a finite amount after bills and anything he sends home means something needs to be sacrificed that month.
It mght be worth you getting a benefit check at CAB, to check you are getting all you should and to get help with applying for PIP.
In the immediate you may have to budget cleverly for a few weeks, live out of freezer and cupboards.

OP has been the higher/only earner for most of the relationship in this case but has recently dropped their work hours due to MH.

Then hopefully she can get back to just supporting herself which will probably be cheaper/easier than being with him, sending money to his family & trying to finance excursions with non existent money.

I do hope your partner isn't expecting you to take up the financial slack so that he can spend out on his adult son's wedding, who is nothing to do with you? Are you just paying more of your day to day expenses because your partner has prioritised this wedding over paying his share of the bills, or is he expecting you to actually put your own money towards this as well?

OP, do you have a key worker, a mh nurse? Can you contact Women's Aid? Have you done the Freedom Programme? The time is now, while he's away.

So...OP's partner has bled her dry and now that she's no longer the higher earner, he's had to go home for a wedding.

She shouldn't send another penny.

You'll feel a lot better when you are rid of this leech.

Si why on earth did you give him money? If he couldnt afford to go too bad

Dh needs to get tougher I’m afraid. Every time he says he’s got no money, then he magics some up again when you send him more, perpetuates the myth that he’s lying.

He has to say that’s it and mean it.

It’s called making your bed I’m afraid

Thank you for clarifying matters.

I hadn’t twigged that this is potentially the same poster. In which case, yes they’ve had advice and chosen not to take it.

OP has been the higher/only earner for most of the relationship in this case but has recently dropped their work hours due to MH. Please do call me a cynic, but this is coincident with their DP having an urgent expensive event and leaving the country.

So it seems that both partners are getting something out of this relationship . Among other things she is getting emotional support from him. I think if OP is determined to stay in this relationship the very least she should do is build up a pot to fund some of his future outgoings for his family as this will be expected of him for sure. He has out her in charge of the money and so she needs to be realistic about future expectations as that will not change

Another way to look at this is that the OPs Pakistani partner seems to be sunsidising her on an on-going basis as he's the higher earner and she works part-time, so he's spending his money to support her, not his family in Pakistan.

I don't think she should be going into debt to send money to him in Pakistan, but I don't think it's a case that he's conning her. Op has muliple health issues, doesn't own a property or have a council house, had a teenage son when they got together, and works part time.

Is he the one who is a trained shoemaker with limited written English and was sending money to his family every month? You had advice last time, and it only seems to have got worse.