No notice AIBU?

meant to reply!

You think it’s lovely to get up at 4am, and set off an hour or so later for a 7/8 hour drive, arrive bleary eyed and bedraggled at midday for a photo shoot where everyone else will have had hours to get ready and look their best?

Your rudeness is uncalled for

It's called a suggestion. On a public forum, that's pretty much what people are here for. Some family's may consider flying to be easier.

Yes, it does occur to me that cars may be needed. Personally, with or without children, the idea of eight hours in a car is hell. Hence the suggestion. God forbid someone has an idea, can you really not figure that out?

Good day.

Don't be so reasonable 😁

What???!

Maybe they need the use of a car while they're there. Maybe because flights for 4 would be more expensive than driving?

Can you really not figure it out?!!

Can’t you read? The OP said pages ago they can’t go the night before 😂

like all the "sure just take another day off right before Easter when nobody else in your company will want to be off so there's lots of opportunity to do that"

I'd be pissed off about being summoned such a distance to arrive before midday, and then to have a photo - i prefer to try to look my best in family photos so good hair is a must - and then for the family to say "oh well we'll have a family photo without you". That stings.

I bet you would be too in this situation. Totally unreasonable behaviour from the ILs!!!

It's really not!!

Exactly! Posters who think they’re clever by trying to prove an OP is unreasonable by offering alternative solutions that the OP hasn’t indicated they want are so tiresome 🙄

OP, that is a huge journey with 2 small children.
If it was that important to them, basic curtesy would have given you more notice.

No way could you be there for 12 mid day.
I think put it off indeed and have a rest at home.

London City is a far quieter and less crazy airport. Just an idea, no need to bite heads

Can’t you travel the night before? There might be a good reason but you sound slightly inflexible and hostile.

and what does that cost, vs what a drive costs?

We've done a similar trip many times over the years. When the kids were younger it was definitely easier to drive half way (ish) the night before and stop over somewhere. Then we'd get there early on the day. But it's ridiculous to expect you there for midday if you have to do the drive all in one.
We always say we'll be there "mid-late afternoon" if going straight through and update on the way - the journey has varied from 6.5 to 12.5 hours so it's impossible to be precise!

And also plans were only made a couple of weeks ago so flights are likely too expensive

Driving from London to Scotland with a 3 yr old and a 5yr old, approximately 8 hour trip. Assuming neither child gets car sick, you still have to stop to stretch legs, have something to eat, toilet possibly a number of times, roadworks, unexpected stuff like that. Why so snippy when she can’t give an exact ETA?
Suggesting she gets the kids up at 4 am and then driving practically nonstop is just madness - who are these parents who’d do that? And how many small children would be so ‘obliging’ as to sleep/screen/sit quietly through it all??

Your reaction suggests YABU.

MiL asks what time you are arriving.
Answer could have been "Well, we're aiming to leave at 8am, so, if we get a good run, hopefully by about4 / 4.30 / 5, but obviously depends on the traffic".

MiL mentions that BiL has booked a photographer and reply (from me) would just have been "Oh, shame he didn't book it for the day after, when we would all be together".
However, YABU to think everyone needs fancy outfits and haircuts to have their photograph taken.

YABVVU to not go because BiL didn't think about the distance / time taken to travel. Complete over reaction.

You have every right to be pissed off with this, I would be too.

I also live away from family so know how it feels to be constantly left out of family gatherings that we're never even invited to.

Some people are missing the point on this thread. Of course you would have liked to have been included in the family photoshoot. It's the fact that they sprung it on you at last minute and booked it on the day you're bloody travelling!! So inconsiderate and batshit of them.

I make these long journeys a couple of times per year, I usually give a rough ETA, like "not before 5pm", or "hopefully sometime between 6-8pm". Then on the day I'll text when leaving, tell them the approximate journey time, then update them on where we are on each stop along the way.

I'd be tempted to reply the following: "What a shame that we'll be left out of the family photoshoot, if only BIL had contacted us in advance then we'd have been able to coordinate plans and get an appropriate date booked, rather than the one we're actually travelling on!"

You sound delightful though.

Thank you @Herewegoagain84 - I am! 😘

And your point is? I take the car with me on similar long journeys because then we have transport for getting around with the child car seats. Can take as much luggage as we need. No faff getting to and from train stations or airports, no worries about carrying luggage or luggage allowances and keeping hold of the children. We don't know where in Scotland she's going, it could be rural, and could be a nightmare to get there from Edinburgh station for all we know.

Bonkers for them to expect you to do a photoshoot after that drive! If you add in stops you are looking at 9 hours. So a 2am start to get there at 12. No.

But now they have said ok, we’ll go ahead and do the photoshoot without you .. what’s the problem? You didn’t know it was happening anyway.

A train from King X to Edinburgh takes 4.5h and has a cafe and toilets.

Is this just a miscommunication?

OP only made her plans a couple of weeks ago; I don't know about the area her in-laws live in, but a photo shot with a professional photographer, in the school holidays would generally need to be booked much longer in advance than that.

I suspect the photo shot was booked for the family that lived close by, on the basis that OP's family don't get up there too often. When they realised she was actually coming up the same day, they tried to see if they could include her. And, reasonably, they've found they can't.

Just take your own photos with your in-laws. Sounds like you didn't want posh staged photos anyway.

@daisychainsandsummerdays, what does your other half say about all this? Is there a backstory with BIL - does he normally call the shots?

Your PIL must surely know the length of time it takes to drive such a long distance, expecting you to be there for noon, camera-ready, is just batshit! Are they normally batshit?

And what is the importance of this 'family photograph'? Why is BIL (and MIL) so set on this family-photograph-which-excludes-one-branch?