No notice AIBU?

She's entitled to be pissed. Most people would be annoyed that they chose to deliberately do a group family photoshoot on a day that they knew part of the family couldn't be there... Not sure why you think that is an unusual response to being deliberately excluded?

I didn't miss your post.

'so yeah. Left out'

Reads as pissed to me.

No ones going to want to do more photos in a few months?

I don't see that the OP is being difficult. Her family are making the effort to travel a fair distance with two young kids and the rest of the family can't even be bothered to organise a family photoshoot to include them.

If they wanted the OP and her family involved they would make it happen but they obviously don't care which most people would find upsetting.

This all seems odd.

Is it possible that they were mistaken about which day you were travelling? Or did they agree the photo shoot with your DH and he forgot to tell you? Is the day you are travelling actually a family event (birthday, anniversary etc) and so they assumed you would have planned to be there for the whole day?

Because the alternate is that they thought you could teleport from London to Scotland, and would be OK with surprise photos (which most people wouldn’t). And even weirder that BIL would have taken a day off work for your travel day!

Why are you so pissed? You said you couldn't make it anyway and we're getting stressed that you couldn't make it...

Are you always this difficult?

I'd say, ok. Understand. How about we arrange another set of photos in the summer?

Dear MiL
The trip will take about 8 hours, and then we need to build in a couple of stops for the DC. So if we leave at 7, we should be with you about 5pm, all being well. We'll keep you updated once we're on our way.

Let your husband communicate with them, they seem to be taking their ( unreasonable frustrations) out on you
Why are they directing all of this at you?

I wouldn’t want to go either after the way they have been behaving

This surely can’t have been the first issue that you have had with them, they sound almost bullish and controlling

Obviously they booked the photographer for the golden child (BIL) and then remembered that OP’s less favoured family were coming and scrambled to “include” them to cover the embarrassment of the thoughtless and exclusionary planning. This was never meant to include OP and her DH snd children.

Do you still want to go? If not, don't bother. Their behaviour is very odd. As the previous poster said, why on earth would they book the photographer for a family photo on the day that you and your family will be travelling for 8 hours with two small children in the car?

So you're travelling all that way and they've decided the only day they could possibly arrange the photoshoot is the day you're travelling? Even though everyone else taking part lives nearby and could therefore do a group photoshoot at literally any other time with minimal effort. To be honest I'm not sure I'd feel like making the effort to go either.

If knowing the time of arrival is vital because they want to book a professional photographer for a set of family photos, surely they would mention this when asking what time OP and her family will be arriving?

If Id organized a professional photographer I would definitely not want a photo of unprepared people who'd just tumbled out of a 7 hour car drive and neither would I want me and family to be forever immortalized like that. I know we're all different but would many people actually want that?

Yes I agree. But when you send a message asking what time are you getting here, it’s because you do actually need to know, you’re not sending it just for a laugh. Sending ‘Not sure exactly’ is just as bad as not replying.’

Communication definitely could be better between both parties. If I was OP I would say ‘A photoshoot? Since when? Not sure if I’m up for that to be honest. We’ll have been in the car for 8 hours and we all need hair cuts. It’s a lovely idea from BIL, but would it be ok if we did it in the summer holidays instead? We were just planning on a relaxing break this time.

Speak! Phone MIL and speak. Don’t reply ‘not sure exactly’ and then moan plans are being made without your input.

Don't let this spoil your trip. You can't make the photo shoot. Enjoy your time away

I think one of you needs to speak to BIL. In my experience things you get told by one family member are not necessarily correct or have come about from people being given the wrong info. Inlaws may have wanted the photographer and so BIL booked it. He may have been told you would be there that day etc... Check in with him. See if it can be rearranged for another visit etc. At least speak to him so you know the score.

Surely it depends on how her in-laws will react about their photo shoot not going ahead? OP has said that she will get the blame so if they make their displeasure obvious during the visit, it won't be a fun or relaxing trip for OP.

personally I don’t take things like photo shoots very seriously, I’d be happy to tumble out of the car and put on some lip gloss, sometimes these are the best type of photos

this was meant to be catch up, relaxed trip.

You're not able to attend the photoshoot, but that doesn't change the rest of the trip. Cancelling the entire thing would be a massive overreaction.

Why are they contacting you rather than their own son and blaming you? I would probably cancel the visit as they sound really unreasonable.

Fine to say we won't be able to do those timings. Very rude to then use this as an excuse not to go.

With the ages of your children and the length of your drive I would suggest getting a couple of hours driving under your belt the evening before and staying in a travel lodge or premier inn.

I still think you would need a couple of very decent breaks the following day if you are travelling a further 5 hours. For example parks where the kids can play and eat.

That is a long journey with young kids. I think you are likely to get to the point that they are crying being put back in the car and you will feel awful. Some of the journey at night while they sleep will really help.

I think they just want to know when you’re setting off, and what the earliest arrival time might be so they know when to be in/be ready for. Then throughout the journey you can keep them updated, or share location, so they know if you’re held up or ahead of time.