Hen party brunch - is it normal for women to over-share like this?

No problem, sounds like you know every thread that’s posted on here inside out! You’d be a sterling asset to the mumsnet team 😏

It was poorly worded on my part. I wouldn’t talk like OP has described with anyone but I actually don’t think it’s wrong to share concerns etc with a friend eg “I’m having trouble orgasming since becoming peri menopausal” or “I’m worried my partner isn’t as interested in sex these days…” that kind of thing.
Discussing intimate things I’ve done with my partner, discussing his “performance” or “technique” etc, no. That’s off limits. The only person who should be in a detailed discussion about my sex life is the other person I’m having sex with…

It's a drunken hen do at a venue with topless waiters. It's not really surprising the convo turned to sex. You don't need to talk about that yourself but they're adults and it's all in the spirit of the venue I guess? You're lucky they didn't get a stripper up. There was someone on here who ended up sucking off the stripper behind a flag?!
So count yourself lucky! 🤣

Thanks @Kittykat9070 fot the careers advice

It's grim but I am now intrigued in the squirting position 🤔

So I think a venue with topless waiters was the clue. I’d have probably researched the venue once announced and opted out once I understood what the tone was going to be.

This would make me really uncomfortable and I am pretty sure none of my friends talk like this about their partners - with people they barely know and have just met - I am probably a bit of prude, though.

I remember a couple of very frank conversations in my shared house in my 20s. It was quite educational to mostly inexperienced me. It wasn't usual conversation, just when we decided to have a house night together and that's the way the conversation went. It was a change from whinging about work.

I wouldn't be comfortable with topless waiters and speculation about their penis size, though, especially not in front of them.

I was with you until you said it ok to talk like this with a close friend. It’s not! That’s actually worse as your close friend will know your partner well. I’d be humiliated and furious to find my H talked to his best friend about my vagina and vulva and sexual preferences. What a betrayal! I don’t want his mate I hang out with at our house or social events to know this!

Betrayal like that is a dumpable offense.

I’m with you OP.

It’s a disgusting way to talk about your partner. Really disrespectful. If men got together and talked about how baggy or tight their girlfriends vaginas were and shared intimate details of their sex lives, they’d be ripped to shreds on here. It’s not okay for women to do this about their male partners.

And topless waiters of either sex are gross too.

You’ve reminded me I used to know someone who helped put herself through her doctorate by doing phone sex lines. You’d come into her houseshare and she’d be reading 18thc philosophy or making pasta, in these giant furry boots she liked, and saying ‘Oh, put it in there — harder — you know what I need…’ and her housemates would be holding up notes saying ‘You’ve said that three times to the same guy’.

is it normal for women to over-share like this?

I don’t get your confusion? Presumably you have met and interacted with women before? Why would one conversation made you question anything about what all women do?

If I'd known beforehand that there were going to be topless waiters at the event I wouldn't have even bothered going because I would have known it wasn't going to be the type of thing I would feel comfortable with or enjoy.

I think if I saw my " friends" behaving like this I would realise I had nothing in common with them and that the friendships were past their sell by date.

I don't understand how women have been sucked into this idea that equality with men means embracing all the disgusting behaviours that some men indulge in.

Sadly a lot of women have joined the race to the bottom and think it's cool to behave like men at their worst.

It's not normal for "women".

It's normal for some women.

The setting sounds like it was one of those stereotypical hens with the topless guys, intended to bring out that sort of raucous behaviour.

No, I don't overshare like this, neither do my friends.
But, some poeple are out there on onlyfans, having sex with 1000 people in a day, selling their poop on ebay and going to swingers clubs. So obviously there are people with different views on this to me.
I could only conclude that this is normal for their circle, just not normal for you. Therefore they are not your type of people, and youbare not theirs. Doesn't mean you can't be in a room with them though, just might not have much in common.

I once had a flatmate who worked as a butler in the buff at uni.

He basically said he got paid in money but tipped in sex acts.

@Sameoldsameoldsame everyone who posted has already read the op, there’s really no need to quote it to add your 5 word opinion.

Not normal in my circle. Sex in the city always baffled me because I’ve never know any women discuss their sex life or their partner in this way. It’s so disrespectful.

I have been in this situation before and it did make me uncomfortable. I didn't say anything because I was in the minority. Another woman I didn't know came and sat next to me and we started chatting about other stuff and when it got to a suitable point to leave, we did.

I see a lot of threads on here criticising men for some things they say when overheard chatting between themselves but I often think that some women can be equally crude at times, especially in a group.

Meh. It just people getting drunk and talking shit. They were probably all spurred on by each other. It's not something I'd ever chat about but I'm old and my parents were very victorian in their approach. Sex and money talk were considered vulgar.

It's normal for some women, not all women. Same as it would be normal for some but not all men.

I have a mixed friendship group and we talk about sex but not in this performative manner. And not loudly, drunk in bars.

I saw a comment from someone saying it sounds like some of the women probably cheated later in the night though. How on earth do you make that leap?!

What a boring hen do.

This is silly, OP. You’re a woman (presumably if at an all-female hen do). You know lots of women. You know whether ‘women’ talk about their sex lives. You knew some of the other attendees. If you’ve never encountered this before, presumably you know it’s not common!

I would say, however, that a hen that takes place at a bottomless brunch at a spot whose USP is topless waiters, is not that likely to attract the refined type of hen.

I'd have walked out and left. I have no interest in surrounding myself with such vulgarity.

I think it's fairly common, yes.

I'm not a fan of 'smut' as humour myself...I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it, it just doesn't tickle me personally.
Not my scene but hardly unusual.

I've never encountered this and I've been on plenty of hen dos - none of which featured topless waiters or anything like that. I've had circles of female friends through school, university, work etc and never ever have I heard a conversation like this. I would find it very uncomfortable and I would leave if put in that situation.

Did you tell them they were making you uncomfortable?
Why did you sit there through all of this if it was that bad?