Am I really that unusual?

I wouldn't want my 19 year old daughter to have the pressure of not being able to end a relationship without her boyfriend being homeless. I would've taken him in for a week or two while he found somewhere else to stay.

This. What of she doesn't want to see him every day? Or wants to break up?

I think most people would be concerned about getting sacked via a WhatsApp group. That sounds completely unbelievable and illegal.

I also think most people would be concerned about safeguarding their child and not unintentionally prolonging their relationship due to proximity. If I had to live with a partner at such a young age I would feel very uncomfortable about breaking up with them if I knew that would make them homeless. Sounds like a difficult position to be in.

It is unusual, yes. Shouldn't be though.

Seems like you made a judgment call based on Bob's commitment and the happiness of all.

I ended up with my DD's boyfriend living with us when he was 16. His parents (unlike us) were absolutely loaded but very much 'our way or the highway.' They threw him out. He started to become thin and unkempt so I took him in. This was 10+ years ago. DD and him split up when they were 18. He found himself somewhere to live, a decent apprenticeship, and these days he's engaged (to someone else) and takes home £1,000pw as a chef. Him and DD are still very good friends, we get to eat free at a great restaurant and he calls me his favourite auntie.

It's ok to be a generous person who wants to help others.

Thank you. This gave me a badly needed laugh.

I agree with this.

I don't agree with the snotty comments about him being an "unskilled worker".

However, I have a 19 year old and there is no way that I would move in a boyfriend that she had been seeing for less than a year. It's way too much pressure and will make it much harder for her to break up with him if she decides that things aren't right.

I speak from experience - I moved in with a BF at that age and with hindsight, I really wish I hadn't. I kissed goodbye to the easy going carefree me time without realising it until it was far too late. By the time I realised, the opportunity just to "be" without having to factor in another person 100% of the time had sort of passed me by. I had also forgone the opportunity to learn to be fully independent. 19 can be a golden age - I have a DC this age now, and I love that he can come & go as he pleases, and can prioritise himself and his friendships as he chooses. He has developed so much of his personality this past year in a way thst I couldn't because I was living with my BF. Because of this I wouldn't want this for any of my DCs. If they moved out and created that situation themselves, that's one thing, but to actively encourage it and facilitate it - no!

I've had kids' occasional partners staying (at my old house where there was plenty of room) but they are all married and settled now. Would I do it again? Only if I had the space for people staying to be able to live their own lives a bit without having to be in the faces of everyone else in the house. I'd worry that my daughter might want out of the relationship but feel unable to say so, I'd worry that I was being fed a line by someone who 'found themselves out of work' and I'd worry that daughter might assume that this is now the default position for any new partner she might get.

But I'm a suspicious bastard these days.

We wouldn't have facilitated any of our children having a relationship with an unskilled worker.

Absolutely this.

A friend of one of my children lived with us for a while when he was in 6th form. He and his mum had had to move out of their house for some reason and she could stay with her partner but no room for son so we let him stay with us. He was just like a sleepover guest who never left for weeks. He went back to his mum when she had suitable accommodation. No kids at home any more but we would be happy for them to bring spouses, partners or friends for as long as they needed or wanted.

I’d be concerned about the pressure that would put on my daughter to maintain a relatively new relationship, as his access to housing then depended on staying together which makes things very complicated for someone still pretty young.

I wouldn't do it, no, because I think 19 is very young for them to be living together (albeit in your house). I would want my DD to have plenty of time to herself outside of her relationship with Bob and her studies. Having never met Bob or your daughter, I could be very wrong, but when does she get time to herself just to be a teenager hanging out with her friends?

Nope we have had various friends sleeping on our sofa from time to time

I think most people would be more concerned about

• whst happens of the relationship doesnt go well? Will ypur daughter.feel responsible for him?
• they are young and in a fairly new relationship so if they disagree, they don't have private homes to get space because the live together
• sorry to be that person but no matter how hard working he is, he is reliant on moving for low paid seasonal work; its not a relationship I'd be proactively encouraging, far less accelerating by giving him a room in my house.

Too much, too young.

I think lots would have done it if he wasn't an idiot.

I wouldn't have done it, but many people would, I'm sure. It's a gamble, and it also depends on how many other people were in the house, who would have a say in a stranger moving in, and how they felt about it.

No. I don't think so. He sounds like a respectable hard working person who needs a helping hand for a bit. Now he has a job he can find a room somewhere tho.

Why did Bob's friend throw him out because Bob was spending the weekends with you? I don't understand why the friend thought that was a problem.
Also don't understand how Bob found out he'd lost his job via a Whatsapp group, surely his employers would've told him directly?
Anyhoo, i don't think you're that unusual. Does your friend think you've been too trusting and could've been taken advantage of? Bob's been around for a few months now so i guess you've got a sense of what's he's like as a person and felt you could trust him?