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Original poster

To feel like I’m never going to be content?

29 replies

Emptybookshelves3 · 13/04/2025 07:16

I’m early 40’s, divorced, 2 DCs, have own place, secure job in reasonably well paid role. Also have a DP who I’m happy with. Have nice friends.

but I rarely feel content.

i have also have ADHD which may be relevant to this. But equally may not- want to see if others feel this way.

In some ways, I ‘do’ more than my friends- lots of holidays, day trips etc, but I can’t say i necessarily enjoy them in the moment.

i feel I struggle with enjoying day to day life. Have done nothing all weekend. Can’t seem to motivate myself. I find it hard to just ‘be’ . I often struggle to relax.

i look at other people’s lives and they seem to be much more grown up. I feel I still live minute to minute. A bit like a student in a way.

I am interested in lot of things, take up hobbies then drop them. I struggle to commit to a weekly activity for example.
and actually have some anxiety about going to clubs.

i feel like im always imagining this better life that’s just around the corner, but i never seem to achieve. I never feel settled if you know what i mean?

is it normal to feel like this? Or is it me?

OP posts:
Youcheekylittlemonkey · 13/04/2025 07:24

Ooh I could write this myself op.

I have ADHD and i suspect on the spectrum with autism. I am never content, I have moments of ‘wow, I feel happy right now!’ But they’re fleeting and I’m never content, always on the go/guilty that I’m not on the go, always something else; I’d like to do the garden up, a room in the house, try a new hobby, tempted to kick DH out on the weekly (I don’t but I’m tempted!), I’m a rubbish mum etc.

Im very hard on myself too, but that stems from very judgemental parents who always saw me as failing and a disappointment. I did the whole therapy thing but the mind is still scattered. I refer it to like wrangling spaghetti into a bowl, just constant and never content/neat piles of brain like I’d like 😅

PermanentTemporary · 13/04/2025 07:24

And yes I should have said I also had 4 expensive years in therapy which has definitely improved things.

PermanentTemporary · 13/04/2025 07:24

I'm not sure. I did find contentment harder in my 40s than I do now in my 50s. One of the issues was that if my son is with me, I struggle to feel contentment because I could always be doing better as a mother then I am IYSWIM. (The compensation is that I quite often feel a fizzing joy in the reality of him, looking at him. And I miss him when he's not around, though not in a painful way.)

Have you ever tried mindfulness? I did a practice for a while a decade ago and still occasionally do a bit of it. And I unexpectedly found a yoga class that suits me (never got on with it before) which lets me live in the moment a bit more while im doing it. I think a lot of us are better at relaxing mentally if we're doing something rather than not doing anything.

ButtCheeks · 13/04/2025 07:22

When you “imagine this better life”, what does it look like?

Do you get out in nature?

I wonder if exploring this with a really good therapist would help.