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AIBU?

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Original poster

Birthday meal invitation

92 replies

Nonsense10 · 12/04/2025 21:06

We have all been invited to a birthday meal out. Usually I would always make an effort despite the lack of effort of inclusion at other times from my OH's family.

However, it is at a restaurant that only sells one type of food which none of us like so declined going. Just stated we had plans already (invitation was short notice too). The restaurant also has very poor reviews.

OH has been receiving messages from his parents and siblings that we should be changing our plans.

Are we being unreasonable not to attend? The place charges per person at the table so we couldn't even just go for a drink.

OP posts:
Shaniva · 12/04/2025 22:34

There is a lot of detail about the food in your OP given your update that it's all about the fact you have a prior engagement.

Meh. I do think it would be rude to hypothetically decline a birthday invitation because of the choice of cuisine, but this is obviously hypothetical and completely irrelevant to the question in hand.

Get your story straight and stick to it.

HeddaGarbled · 12/04/2025 22:34

What does your H want to do? It’s his family.

JoyousEagle · 12/04/2025 22:33

Nonsense10 · 12/04/2025 22:12

We do already have plans. We had plans before the invitation.

Not liking the food wouldn't be a good enough reason for them either. Why would we sit and pay for food we aren't going to eat? We also have children who wouldn't eat the type of food.

I hope they do have a good time, just like every other time they all get together but don't invite any of us along.

Show quote history

So not liking the food isn’t the reason you’re not going? The way you said you didn’t like the food “so declined going” made it sound like that was the reason and the pre existing plans were a made up excuse,

Obviously if you already have plans you aren’t unreasonable to not go.

Original poster
Nonsense10 · 12/04/2025 22:31

pictoosh · 12/04/2025 22:17

Objectively you're not being unreasonable to decline an invite to eat out at a place where you don't like the food.
On the other hand, your tone reads as being combative and stubborn.
So I don't know.

The very last thing I want is an argument with them. I have tried to repeatedly to be part of the family, however we have repeatedly been missed out of things. This is the first time I've declined our attendance. We still have to pay the full price even if we didn't eat anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nonsense10 · 12/04/2025 22:26

NoSoupForU · 12/04/2025 22:22

I understand not wanting to go to a restaurant that only serves food you won't like. My husband doesn't eat any fish or seafood so would decline an invitation to a seafood restaurant but would be honest rather than making up an excuse.

No excuse made up. We have plans that were made before the invitation. We also don't like the only style of food that is served at the restaurant however we would have to pay if we didn't eat.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nonsense10 · 12/04/2025 22:25

KeyToTheCity · 12/04/2025 22:18

Sounds like martyr/attention seeking behaviour to me. In my humble opinion.

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Please do explain further. I don't understand how having plans already prior to an invitation and not liking the food is martyr/attention seeking behaviour?

I've always made an effort. Every single time. No matter how hurtful it has been to be left out of other things.

OP posts:
savethatkitty · 12/04/2025 22:22

It's an invitation not a summons. Stick to your guns. If you don't want to attend because it's your cats wedding day, then don't. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

NoSoupForU · 12/04/2025 22:22

I understand not wanting to go to a restaurant that only serves food you won't like. My husband doesn't eat any fish or seafood so would decline an invitation to a seafood restaurant but would be honest rather than making up an excuse.

KeyToTheCity · 12/04/2025 22:18

Nonsense10 · 12/04/2025 22:12

We do already have plans. We had plans before the invitation.

Not liking the food wouldn't be a good enough reason for them either. Why would we sit and pay for food we aren't going to eat? We also have children who wouldn't eat the type of food.

I hope they do have a good time, just like every other time they all get together but don't invite any of us along.

Show quote history

Sounds like martyr/attention seeking behaviour to me. In my humble opinion.

pictoosh · 12/04/2025 22:17

Objectively you're not being unreasonable to decline an invite to eat out at a place where you don't like the food.
On the other hand, your tone reads as being combative and stubborn.
So I don't know.

Original poster
Nonsense10 · 12/04/2025 22:12

takealettermsjones · 12/04/2025 22:05

I'd just tell them the real reason. "Sorry, it's a bit late notice and none of us like sushi so it's not going to work for us unfortunately. Have a great birthday, when can I drop the card off?" etc

I always make sure a card and gift is delivered the day before or on the actual day 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Nonsense10 · 12/04/2025 22:12

KeyToTheCity · 12/04/2025 21:53

This sounds a bit uptight IMO (from your end). Sounds like you had already made your mind up that you and your husband were not to attend, and so justified it by (IMO) poor excuses. Feel free not to attend, I'm sure they'll have a nice time without either of you there regardless.

We do already have plans. We had plans before the invitation.

Not liking the food wouldn't be a good enough reason for them either. Why would we sit and pay for food we aren't going to eat? We also have children who wouldn't eat the type of food.

I hope they do have a good time, just like every other time they all get together but don't invite any of us along.

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 12/04/2025 22:05

I'd just tell them the real reason. "Sorry, it's a bit late notice and none of us like sushi so it's not going to work for us unfortunately. Have a great birthday, when can I drop the card off?" etc

CarpetKnees · 12/04/2025 22:05

YANBU not to go, but, if the reason is it is at a place where you don't like the food, then I'd state that, not pretend I was doing something else.

"Not for us thanks, we don't like sushi / curry / vegan food".

KeyToTheCity · 12/04/2025 21:53

This sounds a bit uptight IMO (from your end). Sounds like you had already made your mind up that you and your husband were not to attend, and so justified it by (IMO) poor excuses. Feel free not to attend, I'm sure they'll have a nice time without either of you there regardless.

Original poster
Nonsense10 · 12/04/2025 21:18

Not sure, there's plenty of people invited. No idea how many people have said they'll attend either.

I have taken a huge step back in terms of the family as whenever I went up and siblings were there, comments were always made about how our children didn't know them. 🙃

OP posts:
nomas · 12/04/2025 21:11

YANBU. If I was OH I would be asking them
why they’re so insistent about you both attending with such short notice given you’re not usually included in things.

Could it be that they have to get bums on seats because they have a voucher or something?

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