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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not reply/congratulate friend?

107 replies

AllThaJazzz · 12/04/2025 21:01

University friend of 15 years.

I tried to keep in touch but basically, the friendship fizzled, as happens! No hard feelings.

She is very annoyed/upset that I haven't said congratulations that she has recently had a baby.

Now, she didn't reply when my mother died, when I moved or when I got married.

AIBU to not go out my way to say congrats when she hasn't given me the time of day for years?!

OP posts:
Streaaa · 12/04/2025 23:46

Completely ignore her.
What a twat.

sidebirds · 12/04/2025 23:46

"She is very annoyed/upset that I haven't said congratulations that she has recently had a baby."

out of interest, how did you learn this?

based on what you have said so far i wouldn't give her the satisfaction of an explanation & would - instead - completely ignore this person, someone never to be contacted again 👍🏾

BatchCookBabe · 12/04/2025 23:43

SamDeanCas · 12/04/2025 23:25

I’d be a bit more blunt in my reply.

X, you didn’t rsvp to my wedding invite or offer congratulations, nor did you offer sympathies or even acknowledge the death of my parent, so not sure why you think I’d bother to congratulate you on a baby?

Yeah this. ^ Don't be nice @AllThaJazzz Or even better. Ignore and block her.

Also curious as to how you know she's pissed off and annoyed that you haven't responded? Who told you that?

Fluffyholeysocks · 12/04/2025 23:42

'Oh my congratulations card must be lost in the same sorting office as your RSVP to my wedding and your sympathy card when my mum passed'

cakewench · 12/04/2025 23:39

"oh okay, I'd assumed from the lack of responses that we just weren't acknowledging major life events anymore."

I liked my idea here until I just now read the response above which ends with "oh I see your details remain the same" 🤣 That one is gold, use that. Don't add the baby congratulations because she'll probably just focus on that bit and respond with a twatty thank you.

LBFseBrom · 12/04/2025 23:36

How do you know she is upset with you if you don't keep in touch, how did she know about your mother dying, etc?

Either a friendship has fizzled out or it hasn't.

SamDeanCas · 12/04/2025 23:25

I’d be a bit more blunt in my reply.

X, you didn’t rsvp to my wedding invite or offer congratulations, nor did you offer sympathies or even acknowledge the death of my parent, so not sure why you think I’d bother to congratulate you on a baby?

itsjustbiology · 12/04/2025 23:14

Op send a thumbs up emoji then nothing else. job done and forget about this acquaintance.

OliveWah · 12/04/2025 23:12

I'd reply:

"No worries; congratulations!

Can I just check I've got this right?

-Get married - totally ignore (do not send card/gift, do not send congratulations)
-Death of a parent - totally ignore (do not send card, do not send condolences)
-New home - TBC
-Diagnosis of serious illness/serious injury - TBC
-New baby - acknowledge and send congratulations message.

Get back to me when you've given it some thought (or don't - we haven't got a protocol on replies to "congratulations" messages yet, have we?)"

FWIW I think not getting in touch when your DM died is unforgiveable, I'm sorry for your loss @AllThaJazzz.

Eddielizzard · 12/04/2025 23:09

How do you know she's upset? But I wouldn't respond, no.

Booboobagins · 12/04/2025 23:06

You're not friends anymore
Cut each other loose.

Ellmau · 12/04/2025 22:56

Or a very long passive aggressive reply:

How lovely to hear from you again after all this time!

You won't have heard that sadly I lost my DM (add details)

I was so sorry you weren't able to attend my wedding in [year], blah blah blah - lots of detail about how lovely your wedding was, and attach or link to pictures

Congratulations on the birth of your baby!

Fillybustering · 12/04/2025 22:50

Imho the best response is no response. How dare she!

MrBallensWife · 12/04/2025 22:41

FaceOrf · 12/04/2025 21:23

Send her a message saying:

”Sorry xx I hadn’t known how to contact you. I assumed your number had changed because I messaged you with a wedding invitation plus letting you know my mother had passed away and didn’t get a response, so I assumed you hadn’t got the messages.

Anyway now I see your details remain the same so congratulations I guess.”

Love this reply,but if it were me I wouldn't add the 'congratulations I guess.'
Mine would finish after the word 'same'.I really don't have time for false people like this 🤬.

ttcat37 · 12/04/2025 22:35

“I care as much about your new baby as you did when my mother died”

pimplebum · 12/04/2025 22:23

How did she get in touch with you? Text ? In person ? Via third person ?

how did you let her know your mum died ?

is it possible you may have a communication error or is her outburst final straw ?

Arlanymor · 12/04/2025 22:21

I'm another asking how you know she is upset? Has she said something directly to you? In which case respond directly as a PP has said: I never heard back from you about my wedding or death of my mother, so I had assumed our friendship had cooled or was over?

If she has done something indirectly then you need a different approach.

Itsoneofthose · 12/04/2025 22:19

Sounds like she has a selective memory.

Franjipanl8r · 12/04/2025 22:14

This is easy to resolve, just leave the group chat she’s in or block her if she’s messaging you directly.

LadyKenya · 12/04/2025 22:10

How do you know all of this OP?

localnotail · 12/04/2025 22:09

She is not your friend. You should tell her that.

Daydreamingforever · 12/04/2025 22:07

How do you know she’s mad or bothered ?

Ethela · 12/04/2025 22:07

Be honest and dignified. Say you are surprised to hear from her as you were very disappointed that she ignored your DMs death and your wedding. Then finish with wishing you all the best with motherhood. Maybe she wont hurt others if you tell her that behaviour to you was hurtful.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 12/04/2025 22:06

Therewasacat · 12/04/2025 21:14

I think it depends, if she messaged you directly to say she'd had a baby and you didn't reply, I'd say yabu. Takes 2 seconds to reply congratulations.

If she just posted a picture of the baby on Facebook and is annoyed you didn't comment then yanbu.

I see where you're coming from and I would probably have just responded congrats but I also see @AllThaJazzz view, they are not friends anymore.

OP sent her a wedding invite and she didn't even bother to respond or RSVP, OP lost her parents and she sent her details and same so frankly there is no friendship anymore so there is no need for OP to play pretend or be nice.

If I were OP I would be honest and tell that she wasn't there for you so it's rich of her to expect support/interest from you now. In your mind you're no longer friends.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 12/04/2025 22:06

How do you know she is annoyed/ upset?