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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not reply/congratulate friend?

107 replies

AllThaJazzz · 12/04/2025 21:01

University friend of 15 years.

I tried to keep in touch but basically, the friendship fizzled, as happens! No hard feelings.

She is very annoyed/upset that I haven't said congratulations that she has recently had a baby.

Now, she didn't reply when my mother died, when I moved or when I got married.

AIBU to not go out my way to say congrats when she hasn't given me the time of day for years?!

OP posts:
jellyfishperiwinkle · 13/04/2025 16:53

If this has all been conducted via Facebook, I hardly ever see friends' updates these days as it is all ads and groups.

nomas · 13/04/2025 16:50

Cricke · 13/04/2025 16:49

Because it’s hinted at in the Op - am I being AIBU to not reply/congratulate ?

So we’ve reasonably assumed there is some kind of message to reply to.

Hopefully OP will come back and clarify!

Edited
Show quote history

Exactly.

Cricke · 13/04/2025 16:49

CountryQueen · 13/04/2025 14:40

Why are people assuming there’s a message to reply to?

The OP is yet to divulge how she knows any of this

Because it’s hinted at in the Op - am I being AIBU to not reply/congratulate ?

So we’ve reasonably assumed there is some kind of message to reply to.

Hopefully OP will come back and clarify!

BatchCookBabe · 13/04/2025 15:51

CountryQueen · 13/04/2025 14:40

Why are people assuming there’s a message to reply to?

The OP is yet to divulge how she knows any of this

Yeah, why are you not telling us how you know your 'friend' is pissed off @AllThaJazzz ??? Many posters have asked you.

CountryQueen · 13/04/2025 14:40

Why are people assuming there’s a message to reply to?

The OP is yet to divulge how she knows any of this

CandidRaven · 13/04/2025 13:42

YANBU she sounds like the sort of person who has very one sided friendships, she makes no effort and expects the other person to make all the effort with not so much as a thankyou in return

AllrightNowBaby · 13/04/2025 13:36

Ignore and block ….

Ethela · 13/04/2025 13:32

itsjustbiology · 12/04/2025 23:14

Op send a thumbs up emoji then nothing else. job done and forget about this acquaintance.

Perfect

Daydreamingforever · 13/04/2025 09:44

Not sure we’re going to find out how the op knows this person is upset with her

Ilovecleaning · 13/04/2025 09:35

Ponoka7 · 12/04/2025 21:35

I never understand why posters keep the contact details of people who aren't even acquaintances.

I know what you mean but they probably just forget that they are still in their “contacts”

HelplessSoul · 13/04/2025 09:25

PassingStranger · 13/04/2025 00:13

Lovely language. Ladylike.

Show quote history

The language is called English.

You might have come across it.

As for "ladylike" - its called freedom of speech. Speech doesnt require a woke gender assignment to it.

PinkCatInATree · 13/04/2025 07:32

Oh my goodness to think in all the chaos of a new baby she actually had the time and energy to sit with a list and tick off who sent her congratulations or not! Main character defined!

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 13/04/2025 07:14

Given all she has done, or not done, why are you even in contact with this person?

Rainydaysandwellybobs · 13/04/2025 06:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

arcticpandas · 13/04/2025 06:13

AllThaJazzz · 12/04/2025 21:17

I did! She didn't even RSVP with a no. Just ignored it.

Show quote history

Wow. She's an entitled €^&€#. Do NOT feel guilty. Just keep on ignoring her.

Willandra · 13/04/2025 06:09

Fluffyholeysocks · 12/04/2025 23:42

'Oh my congratulations card must be lost in the same sorting office as your RSVP to my wedding and your sympathy card when my mum passed'

😂

PinkArt · 13/04/2025 01:43

PassingStranger · 13/04/2025 00:13

Lovely language. Ladylike.

Show quote history

The good thing about being a woman in 2025 is that there is absolutely no need for us to aspire to 'ladylike' whatsoever.

Dogaredabomb · 13/04/2025 00:31

Ellmau · 12/04/2025 22:56

Or a very long passive aggressive reply:

How lovely to hear from you again after all this time!

You won't have heard that sadly I lost my DM (add details)

I was so sorry you weren't able to attend my wedding in [year], blah blah blah - lots of detail about how lovely your wedding was, and attach or link to pictures

Congratulations on the birth of your baby!

Edited

No! Nearly, but don't add the bit about the baby 🤣

In truth though really don't reply and block.

Cricke · 13/04/2025 00:20

SamDeanCas · 12/04/2025 23:25

I’d be a bit more blunt in my reply.

X, you didn’t rsvp to my wedding invite or offer congratulations, nor did you offer sympathies or even acknowledge the death of my parent, so not sure why you think I’d bother to congratulate you on a baby?

I agree with this direct approach and other posters who have said to be direct. Don’t do the faux congratulations!

As a pp said she’ll just focus on that and kid herself on that you’re being serious about it and that it’s some sort of admission that you’re in the wrong for not reaching out earlier

Cricke · 13/04/2025 00:17

OP, believe me - this isn’t a friend and I strongly suspect she is jealous of you and dislikes you somewhat. I have had some jealous and/ or self centred friends and they follow a similar pattern.

In one instance I was always congratulating this friend from uni on her new home/job/car etc and yet when I had a major break in my creative career and told her about the contract I had signed (which she knew was a lifelong dream) she went ghost on me for 3 months mid text conversation. She didn’t even to try to hide her ill-will towards me.

When she got in contact again 3 months later she was asking about something going on in the news during the pandemic. She still refused to congratulate me so I just didn’t respond and I’ve never spoken to her again since. I can see now she had resented me for a while. She mentioned it briefly in that 3 months later text but it was more like “hope xx is going well” as opposed to giving me a clear and enthusiastic congratulations/well done/ I’m happy for you. She very much minimised it as if I’d said to her I was trying out a new gym or something as opposed to me sharing a lifetime achievement with her.

Also had someone ghost me when I didn’t reach out with a congratulatory message after she changed her WhatsApp pic to her and the newborn baby. I can’t say for sure but I figure she was miffed by my silence. I don’t care as she was another one who hadn't been there to clap for me or to console me over the years. I eventually deleted her as a contact. But at least she didn’t have the nerve to confront me about it.

MsAmerica · 13/04/2025 00:17

Well, you could always write a faux-nice note and say:

Oh, congratulations! Since I didn't hear from you when my mother died, when I moved or when I got married, I just assumed you didn't want to keep in touch. Best wishes!

PassingStranger · 13/04/2025 00:13

HelplessSoul · 12/04/2025 21:10

This person isnt a friend.

A horrible cunt, most definitely.

Anyone that cannot contact/share condolences on a major family loss like a parent is a colossal fucking cunt and should deservedly be called out and told they are.

Fuck her. You owe her nothing.

Lovely language. Ladylike.

Rewis · 13/04/2025 00:13

When is the last time you've been in contact? Like did she just randomly text you after not talking in years to let you know she's hurt you didn't congratulate her?

Hwi · 12/04/2025 23:57

No, it should not be one way only - bugger her and her selfishness! Ignore!

Mumtobabyhavoc · 12/04/2025 23:52

@AllThaJazzz How do you know your friend is annoyed that you didn't message her about her baby?
I think it's entirely fair you didn't reach out given she didn't respond to your wedding invite or offer a message of support/sympathy when your mum died (I'm sorry.) 💐

I had a similar situation over 10 years ago when I deleted a friend on FB that I hadn't exchanged messages with in a few years and hadn't spoken to at least 1-2 years longer prior to that. After I deleted her she messaged me asking why and when I replied it was because we had lost touch so long ago, she sent back a message that she was hurt as she'd never do that to
me. I ignored it. 🤷‍♀️