FIL showing himself up - saddened by DH’s reaction

Your DH should definitely have challenged his dad's overt homophobia, misogyny and sexism, particularly as he has a daughter who is playing football.

The fact that he told his dad that he had a point was disgusting. Early 60s would mean that FIL was born in the 1960s and would have grown up during the 70s and 80s when social attitudes were changing and prejudiced views like your FIL's became unacceptable.

I see your point.

However, in some families it is easier for outsiders to challenge this shitty kind of behaviour. And I still don't understand why the op didn't pull them both up on this? It needed to be challenged. I would have hoped that if she had said something it would have woken her DH up to the shit his dad was chatting and resulted in him challenging his dad in the moment.

I don't agree
I think sometimes it takes someone slightly removed from the family to see how very wrong things are
OP's H has probably heard this sort of talk all his life and its been normalised. Sometimes it needs an "outsider" to point out how F'd up things are

You don’t watch anything unless you find the people in it attractive?

I think it's perfectly reasonable when it's not ops parent. Also as much as it shouldn't be - misogyny is often better challenged by men because it can't be dismissed by the speaker being a woman. Plus would have shown ops dd that not all men think the same way so she shouldn't think that's normal or that it's only the job of women to call it out.

In most couples I know, any tricky comvos that need to be had with in laws are had by the person who's parents they are.

My grandad was born in 1916 and would never have said anything like that. He was a wonderful man who encouraged all of his granddaughters to follow their dreams. He would have been cheering from the sidelines if we were playing in a football match. It’s not your FIL’s age OP it’s just him. He’s an ignorant misogynist and so is your DH for agreeing with him. That was actually a vile conversation. Having a daughter, I couldn’t look either of them in the eye knowing thats how they feel about women.

Having an opinion is all well and good but, in the OP’s case, the expressed opinion of the FIL ( and, worse, the agreement of the DH) has the potential to directly affect their DD who is interested in playing football. Doesn’t that matter?

Lol the England women did better than the men
Hardly dire.

Why didn't you pull up your FIL in the moment? I think it's is unreasonable to expect your dh when you didn't do it.

and did you say "meh i don't want to watch a load of fag female impersonators"?
not the same thing at all, is it?

Lucky
Either way, it doesn't reflect well just like your other posts

Mid/late 60s? that’s not generational. I have male friends and relatives who are 75+ who are nothing like this! Your FIL is just a misogynist areshole.

FIL is early 60s? My DH is 72 and would never bloody dream of saying such things. I honestly could not imagine such words coming out of his mouth.

Awful.
Pity your oh didn't remind him the Women's England team did better than the men's.

He's in his mid 60s!

It's hardly ancient. He's still of working age and was born in the 1960s.

My mum's 81. And much more socially aware.

When you say 'ageism', do you mean people saying: 'he's of his generation' and that sort of thing?

Because that struck me as really odd too!

It sounds like from the little interaction they had your dh did try and then backed down. I think it says more about their relationship than the actual women’s football. Your fil sounds disillusioned if he thinks women’s footballers are fat, they are sportswomen. Plus assuming anyone’s sexuality based on a sport is ridiculous. Maybe your dh gave up because of his dad’s behaviour/opinions. Not that any of it was acceptable.

its really not typical 'lad' conversation. I know a few men who work in sports journalism/ sports presenting/ related fields - absolutely none of them would talk like this

and to go along with FIL saying 'fat lezzas' - as the father of a girl who likes to play football? GROSS>

My 'story' was about expressing an opinion, not sophistication.

Exactly.

I agree with most of this but I think he was wrong for telling his dad he had a point and affirming him. There are ways to recognise that someone is set in their ways and move a conversation on without validating them and telling them they are right. If this was within earshot of your dd I'd be really angry and have expected him to call it out strongly for her benefit.

Well if you had used similar language to OP's FIL I doubt you would still be friends.
And your "story" doesn't make you out to be half as sophisticated as you imagine.

Quite a few of them on this and other threads!

Wholly agree. I’m actually quite shocked.

I think there’s a way of handling this sort of thing that doesn’t come across as sanctimonious kill joying, especially on a holiday.

For example

1/ If they’re “all lezzers” I doubt they’d want to fuck you anyway Dad so I’d stop worrying about how attractive you find them.

2/ Do you watch the men’s football because you want to fuck them? Does Mum know?

3/ It’s irrelevant to the sport but they are actually almost exclusively very attractive so your taste in women is shite (except for Mum).

Is this sort of thing the most elegant and proper way to deal with it? Of course not. But making people who talk this way just look stupid works better than being earnest. Someone using the word “fat lezzer” in 2025 to describe Leah Williamson isn’t going to be won over with a lesson in misogyny.

Haven't RTFT but my dad, who's in his late 70s, comes with me and my DS13 to watch the women's team of our premier league club. He would not speak like that about female footballers. It's not ok.