Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FIL showing himself up - saddened by DH’s reaction

238 replies

SunnierDays21 · 12/04/2025 18:22

We are away with the family currently, DH’s parents have joined us (staying separately on the same site).

We’ve spent much of the afternoon in the on-site bar and DH and FIL were engrossed in the football results which were on the screen.

An advertisement came up for a women’s match tomorrow and DH asked FIL if he’d want to watch it. The conversation went something like this:

DH - fancy it tomorrow, Dad?
FIL - hahaha
DH - seriously
FIL - why would I spend my Sunday afternoon watching a bunch of fat lezza’s pretend to know how to play football?
DH - it’s come on quite a bit
FIL - do me a favour, I’ve seen women’s footballers and I’d not touch them with a barge pole
DH - alright, you have a point

Our daughter has been getting into football over the past few months and this was really disheartening to listen to. I have brought it up with DH and he says he agrees it was inappropriate but his Dad is of a different era and anything he’d tell him would fall on deaf ears.

AIBU to have expected DH to have said something in the moment?

OP posts:
Eggsboxedandmelting · 12/04/2025 18:48

Maybe dh just allowed himself to diffuse a situation instead of calling out a man who had been drinking and who's company you all can't escape mid holiday....
Maybe pick up your displeasure when you get home...

TwistedWonder · 12/04/2025 18:46

SunnierDays21 · 12/04/2025 18:43

Mid/late 60’s

Show quote history

I’m nearly 60 and his language and attitude is very outdated for someone of his age.

I thought he was maybe in his 80’s to speak like that.

HenDoNot · 12/04/2025 18:44

It’s not even that the DH didn’t pull him up - the DH actively agreed with him…

”DH: alright, you have a point”

Original poster
SunnierDays21 · 12/04/2025 18:43

TwistedWonder · 12/04/2025 18:41

Yes his dad might be from another era - how old are we talking? But that doesn’t mean your DH shouldn’t pull him up and tell him it’s unacceptable.

Age is no excuse for ignorance

Mid/late 60’s

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 12/04/2025 18:41

Yes his dad might be from another era - how old are we talking? But that doesn’t mean your DH shouldn’t pull him up and tell him it’s unacceptable.

Age is no excuse for ignorance

HenDoNot · 12/04/2025 18:39

My DH has given up challenging my FIL on crap like this because FIL is a nasty twat and we’ve realised that nothing is going to change that, so we are as low contact as possible.

I’d have fucking wiped the floor with DH though for saying “alright, you have a point”.

There’s challenging, and then there’s full on agreeing with him. What a fucking wet wipe your DH is.

cariadlet · 12/04/2025 18:39

Damn! Of course YNBU. He's a sexist, homophobic dinosaur and your DH should have pulled him up on it.

Accidentally voted the wrong way and the app won't let me change my vote.

MadamDicey · 12/04/2025 18:37

Your not being unreasonable, and the shite response of "dad is from a different era is a complete cop out !!
Hope he will say something if his dad starts to have a pop at your daughter for playing football

2025willbemytime · 12/04/2025 18:35

Your h let his daughter down there. His dad has a point?! bloody hell. I'd go mad.

ClaredeBear · 12/04/2025 18:33

PishPish · 12/04/2025 18:28

Of course you’re not unreasonable to have expected him to. This is something to challenge literally every time, no ,after how dull it gets doing it. It’s also one of the situations where another man challenging is often more powerful to this kind of old school misogynist. I hope you said something when he didn’t.

This.

Sidebeforeself · 12/04/2025 18:32

I think theres a time and a place to challenge this thinking and on holiday,after a couple of drinks, isn’t it.

AroundTheWorldAgain · 12/04/2025 18:31

It sounds like typical laddish conversation in a pub after a few beers.

Is it right? No.

But I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it, it sounds like your DH was embarrassed and it isn’t his fault his Dad has blinkered views like that.

PishPish · 12/04/2025 18:28

Of course you’re not unreasonable to have expected him to. This is something to challenge literally every time, no ,after how dull it gets doing it. It’s also one of the situations where another man challenging is often more powerful to this kind of old school misogynist. I hope you said something when he didn’t.