To think cheating is understandable if your partner lets themselves go completely?

I agree with this, cheating is cowardly and never acceptable. Leaving someone if you're unhappy is still heartbreaking for them no doubt but you have to look out for yourself.

Yes there is a lot of people who struggle like that in a relationship. The person who has ‘let themselves go’ is probably also struggling.

How does cheating improve that relationship? How does it improve the situation at all? Or, does it just risk making everything a whole lots worse.

It’s still not ok. If you are unhappy in your relationship then the decision should be to leave.

Weird how it’s seen and fucking your partner over is an easier choice than ending the relationship

What do you mean about "letting yourself go:
Everyone ages and some women put on weight after the menopause. Also having children changes women's bodies. Some men lose their hair.Most men get more grumpy as they get older.
If you make a committment to someone that commitment isn't untill their partner puts on weight, goes bald, stops being interested in fashion or make up.
If you want to leave someone leave them but their is no excuse for cheating while you are still with them

Why cheat? Leave, or ask to have an open relationship.

@MyFirmQuoter My friends husband gained 10 stone, he’s almost 30 stone . It’s completely unacceptable and I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s had her sexual needs met elsewhere.

It's too complicated to leave but not too complicated to cheat?

Cheating requires a lot of planning, lying, sneaking around and covering up. It requires you to check out of your primary relationships and focus your energy elsewhere. It's much more complicated than 'this is not working, let's talk about separation'.

What I was exploring is understandability not justification.
Nope. I don’t think you’re going to get a lot of support on here with the view that it’s understandable to cheat if your partner puts on weight or doesn’t look like an Instagram model.
And the more you defend your stance the more you sound like Andrew Tate.
I think your expectations need reevaluation.

I would hope a supportive spouse would consider whether there was a reason for the change, eg possibly depression, and try to support their other half, long before considering just shagging someone else.

That's dumb.

If your partner is like that you try and help them, or give them an ultimatum.

If they don't change you leave them.

I don't see why cheating is going to actually achieve here.

Is their neglect of their physical appearance, i.e. weight gain and lack of personal hygiene due to laziness or depression?

Apart from them letting themselves go, what is your marriage like? Do you still talk to each other and still have things in common? Do you have children together?

I don’t agree with cheating. However, if DH ended up doing one or all of the following and didn’t have a diagnosed medical/mental health condition: became very overweight, dressed skanky with old tracksuit bottoms outdoors, had poor hygiene - then I would leave.

I make an effort for myself and him. I would see it as him not caring about my feelings if he let himself go so I would see it as a sign that it’s over. My DH is attractive and yes we all age but it doesn’t mean you have to look a mess unless you’re ill.

@ThisFluentBiscuit I wouldn’t put gaining weight necessarily in the same category as letting yourself go. You can be skinny and look like an unbathed slob.

“Understandable” in that being a lying, cheating sleazebag is not exactly hard to understand?

It’s putting the urge of the moment above a lifelong commitment to a person you claimed to love.

It means being a shitty person, betraying the one you swore to live and respect, possibly destroying a family, certainly putting a partner’s sexual health at risk, and debasing the whole foundation of your marriage for shag.

Got something on your conscience, OP?

The only way cheating becomes acceptable in my eyes is if the person is trapped in an abusive relationship with no means of escaping.

Someone letting themselves go isn’t that - you can just pack up and leave instead of cheating.

Unhappy with partner, split and find new partner = happens all the time.
Cheating = see you next Tuesday

For better and for worse, numnuts.

I've put on lots of weight over the years due to intense, longlasting life stressors. I've taken a lot of weight off and then put it on again when life's kicked me once again in the bollocks. I do not consider that I've "let myself go" - I've done the best I could under the circumstances and I still do my hair and makeup and wear nice clothes, perfume, and jewellery.

‘It’s too complicated to leave’ is straight out of the cheaters hand book. Said to appease the ow/om their friends etc.

Cheating is adding complications not solving them. Why would making the situation more complicated, help?

But you are justifying cheating. That's the whole point of your thread - it's right there in the title. If you are no longer happy with your partner (for whatever reason), you can talk to them, try to fix it etc and if it doesn't work you can leave. Why would cheating be acceptable?

Nope cheating is never justifiable. If you’re not happy - separate

You are really trying hard to justify cheating aren't you OP. It's almost as if you know it is wrong but are trying to convince yourself otherwise?

What is it with all the posts lately about how much people eat and partners who have "let themselves go"? Some toxic posters here.