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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New partner room sharing with teenage step kids on holiday?

85 replies

GreatFatball · 12/04/2025 15:28

Background…

Close friend has been in a relationship with her partner since last summer. There was an overlap with her and his (nearly) ex-wife, but the ex doesn’t know this and they’d been together for the kids only for many years. They have 2 children together friend has none. As you can imagine the ex wasn’t too happy that her husband had “moved on” so quickly and has been quite difficult with divorce/child contact etc.

My friend has been well accepted by her partners family and in November they invited her to a 2 week family holiday to Disneyland for this coming autumn. Holiday would be her partners parents, siblings and their children as well as his children.

His ex was not happy learning this had been booked and sent a message questioning the sleeping arrangements stating it would be inappropriate for my friend and her partner to be sharing a room with his teenage kids.

I assumed separate rooms would have been booked but apparently not due to price… so they are room sharing with his 11 year old daughter and 16 year old son for 2 weeks! Friend thinks ex is just being difficult like she is with everything else but I can kind of see her point on this one…

Am I being unreasonable to agree with the ex that this set up is inappropriate? If not how do I communicate this to my friend or should I just not get involved!!

edit to add - partners parents are paying for all flights - then friend and her partner are paying for room/tickets/dining plan etc. I would assume he is paying more than her due to the kids but she is definitely contributing her part. She’s said it would be an extra 4k to add additional rooms for the children to share separately to them so it’s purely financial reasons why they didn’t opt to do it

OP posts:
Radarro · 12/04/2025 15:41

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Radarro · 12/04/2025 15:40

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EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 12/04/2025 15:39

"If not how do I communicate this to my friend or should I just not get involved!!"

That. It's not your business. Unless your friend has specifically asked you for your input?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/04/2025 15:39

And regarding whether or not to say something to your friend… how have you handled this so far? Have you been telling her she’s a moron for being the other woman and stupid for believing this guy? If so be honest it’s inappropriate. If you’re going along with her and saying it’s all fine then I guess it’d be harder to say something about this holiday.

Westfacing · 12/04/2025 15:39

Your friend is stupid for going along on this trip - why would she want to share a room with a 16 year-old boy, never mind the general overcrowding of two teens and two adults sharing a room for two weeks!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/04/2025 15:36

Is it Disney Paris? Where the rooms have 2 double beds typically? Are the brother and sister expected to share a bed at that age?

InALonelyWorld · 12/04/2025 15:36

I think it would be inappropriate yes and quite uncomfortable for the kids. I can definitely understand their mums POV but perhaps more context is needed though.

Has she met the DC yet? If so how is their relationship so far? How do the kids feel about this set up?

2 weeks is a long time to share a small amount of personal space with someone who is essentially a stranger/short term girlfriend of their dad.

Soontobe60 · 12/04/2025 15:36

So, in a nutshell, bloke has an affair, tells the ‘other woman’ that he and his wife are only together because of the kids, leaves his wife (or she throws him out) and now his girlfriend is expected to share a bedroom with his 16 year old son on holiday?
Thats all kinds of inappropriate. How awkward for the 16 year old, how embarrassing for both teens to see their dad sleeping with his girlfriend. Grim.

GreatFatball · 12/04/2025 15:34

i’ve added details to clarify re money :)

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 12/04/2025 15:30

Who is paying for the holiday?
Can your friend afford her own room?