New partner room sharing with teenage step kids on holiday?

From when my DD was about the age of 8/9 we always booked an apartment so there was a separate room for privacy. Sometimes we rotated sleeping so my DS was sometimes in the bedroom with me or his dad and sometimes he took the sofa bed but we never shared one room after that sort of age.

To expect an 11 and 16 year old to share one bedroom with their father and his new gf who he was shagging behind their mums back - seriously it’s so fucking wrong on so many levels.

It totally depends on the type of room set up - not all shared rooms are equal.

For example, DH and I are sharing a room with a teen DD soon, but it’s a huge room that has a curtain dividing the main room from an area with sofa beds - and there is no need to walk through that area. The other teen DD is sharing the same type of room with her older DS’s and she is going to have that same section. There is also another area with a sofa and table and kitchen set up, so again although it is “one room” it is quite different from everyone crammed in one bedroom (and that won’t be the case with two teens anyway, there simply wouldn’t be room in a standard double hotel room)

Some rooms have official dividers, but some are L-shaped and have different sections with built in beds/bunk beds/a den etc. I’ve looked at Disney before and I was looking at big room types like that as far as I can remember. As a family of 6, we’ve had our share of different set ups and sometimes it involves totally separate interconnecting rooms and sometimes it doesn’t.

It’s not actually the ex’s business (unless she thinks there is a genuine safeguarding risk, and there is no evidence here that there is one). She needs to be the bigger person and not say negative things about this in front of the DC, why spoil their holiday?

I can't envisage my 16 year old daughter sharing with me and her step dad that she has known since age 6, sees as a Dad and we all live together. We just wouldn't do it. We all need privacy and down time.
They would be better with an apartment on I drive. Surely there is a more cost effective way than 4k for an extra room.

Totally inappropriate. Friend either does not go, or gets another room. Sharing with 16 year old boy is not acceptable.

This. I have a 15 year old and an 11 year old. On our recent holiday we got the kids a separate room as sharing for a week would be hellish.

A fortnight is a long time to room share in this way, irrespective of the additional issues this particular set up has, which are legion. The holiday will not go well, at all.

“Hey son, I know you’re 16 and going through a lot what with your parents splitting up and all. So I’ve just booked us a lovely holiday. 2 weeks away. Btw, you’ll have no privacy. Have to sleep in the same room as me and the woman I was shagging behind your mum’s back. What do you think? Relaxing?”

Dad of the year.

Anyone with sense wouldn't have had an affair with a married man, but when offered the holiday would have said 'no thank you, that's kind but the kids need time with their father especially since he destroyed their family'

Why did your mate not do that?

@Pluvia not even a year ago since they both destroyed the boyfriends marriage.

So Dad's had an affair while married with your friend, OP, and left his wife for her: this was only a year ago. And now the kids 11 and 16 are expected to share a room with their unfaithful dad and his girlfriend for a fortnight in order to go to Paris/ Florida/ wherever?

This is totally inappropriate. A 16-year-old lad and an 11-year-old girl shouldn't be sharing a room. And certainly not with their dad and his new woman. This is so wrong on so many levels.

Yet mine is the only post you’ve quoted and commented on…. Lots of others have asked valid questions

Yeah my thoughts exactly.

She doesn’t have to go so why is she even trying to make this horrific situation work?

She’s the other woman - Shame on her. Sharing a bed with her boyfriend (partner is a bit much at this point) in front of his children - shame on her. Going on holiday with his kids after only bring together for not very long - shame on her. Thinking this is all okay - shame on her.

What goes around comes around. Morally her values (and his to be fair) are very low. Is this what you want in a friend? Selfish at the very best and horrifically selfish at worst.

I assume it’s Disneyworld? I have a 16 year old and a then 13 year old and we are going to Disney at Christmas and we have had to work out how to make it work with us as a family who are all related and know each other (DVC Villa so more space/bathroom area separate from rooms etc pulldown bed and sofa bed in lounge area)

This trip was clearly booked while the 'family' was still an intact family so the new girlfriend is quite literally slipping into the ex wife's bed.
What an embarrassing set up.

When I was 11, I would NOT want to share a room with a brother let alone with parents or stepparents, and it's not fair to expect an 11 year old girl to do so. I hope tg she's got some privacy somewhere.

It’s inappropriate, yes. If the roles were reversed and a woman was having her male partner share a bedroom with her 16 year old daughter, that would be wildly inappropriate.

I still remember going away on holiday with my dad and his partner at 16/17. I was on the sofa bed in the lounge (it was like a 1 bedroom chalet thing). His partner walked past me in the night going to the loo in her pants with nothing else (big fake Dolly Parton boobies swaying freely). Honestly, I’m 44 and still feel a bit scarred from the experience. 😳

I don’t think there is a good solution here because the kids can’t just be sent off, other than the friend backing out of the trip.

I’m not sure I’d be able to remain friends with someone with such poor judgement. It’s bad enough she was the other woman but she’s met the kids within 5 seconds and is sharing a hotel room with them. That’s just so wrong.

Yeah, her boundaries need some work overall. Just because she was invited, she didn't have to go. Not to mention believing that 'together for the kids' line.

It depends what the ‘shared room’ looks like in reality. Are we talking 2 double beds in a small hotel room or are we talking about a large suite with a double bed and twin beds in their own separate areas? I would say a large shared room seems more appropriate than having a 16 year old and 11 year old in their own private hotel room to be honest, it would be a bit unfair to expect 16yo to be essentially in charge of his little sister every night for 2 weeks. I guess maybe the grandparents could take the shared room with their grandkids instead of your friend but not sure it’s that much better for a 16 year old boy to be sharing with his grandmother than it is his dads girlfriend.

Sharing with the 16 yr old boy puts this in the totally inappropriate category for me. And a long, extended family holiday with step-kids when they’ll only have been together for a year seems like it would likely be too much, too. But unless your friend has actually asked your opinion, stay well out of it.

I imagine the 16 year old wouldn't be that thrilled sharing with the 11 year old. Certainly not ok to have him sharing with the new partner. As has been said an extra room is just a teenage tax you suck up for a few years!

That is uncomfortable, if she really feels the need to go and not let the children just have a holiday with dad then book a seperate room.

Entirely inappropriate. If this was a woman with a new male partner sharing with teen DC, there wouldn't be any question about it being wrong.

They need to have separate rooms, or adjoining rooms. If it's too expensive for them then she shouldn't go on the trip, stay home and let the DC have a holiday with their dad.

What are the actual bed-sharing plans? The 16 year old should not be sharing a bed with his little sister. He shouldn't have to share a room with his dad's new girlfriend either. Have the gf and DC actually met yet, as the relationship is less than a year long?
Your friend should back out of this holiday. The father lacks both sense and honesty.

I don't think you should comment as it will not be well received and isnt your business. I wouldn't be going. It is obviously a family holiday. She is his girlfriend in a relationship of less than a year. She isn't part of the family yet and there really is no need to be going on holidays with his teenage kids.

Totally inappropriate IMO. Your friend needs to sort her own accommodation or bow out of the trip. Can’t imagine what you’d do at Disneyland Paris for 2 weeks, do you mean Disney World in Florida? Tell her to book a room at the Rosen Inn lake buena vista and just meet up each morning. If they’re staying on site basic rooms at the All star resorts for example are very small and there’s zero privacy.