To wonder how you forgive yourself for being with a guy who was below your level and didn’t treat you right?

Well, it could mean that the OP is a human rights lawyer or a paediatric surgeon who works in war zones, and a decent human being to boot, and the guy she dated was longterm unemployed with a police record for petty crime as long as your arm and a trail of children he never sees and doesn’t support with six different women. I wouldn’t think it controversial to suggest he was ‘below her level.’

What is this 'below your level' stuff ? That reads like he didn't earn enough or something and that some people are below your level and this man might be perfectly suited to a women you might also consider to be 'below your level'. Either he's a shit man or he's not and if he's shit then no woman deserves him.

I remember reading something once that said women who lack self confidence will aim for someone below their ‘level’ in terms of attractiveness and intelligence. Thinking they will be safe from abuse or cheating and will be appreciated - but it’s a mistake because men don’t suffer from that lack of self confidence!

Honestly time heals. And the further you’re away from the situation, the more you understand it wasn’t you.

I dated a complete twat after my divorce. I look back now and cringe. And I look at his FB now and again as we’ve got a lot of mutuals and I realise my life has moved on and he’s doing same old over and over again.

He’s now dating another recent divorcee - that’s his MO - finding women at a vulnerable point in their life and playing the white knight.

As another PP said, dating a fuckwit is something many of us has done, forgive yourself by moving on.

You learn something from every life experience, good or bad. They taught you that you are worth being treated with dignity and respect even if they couldn't provide it.

You literally stop yourself dwelling on it.

Dont waste more time on it.

Live your life and be happy!

Why would you need forgiveness for the way someone else treated you? You are not responsible for his flaws, his weaknesses or his behaviour. Women are conditioned by society to take responsibility for the shit behaviour of men, and that's not OK.

Instead of berating yourself for the mistake try asking yourself "what have I learned?" What are the lessons from this relationship that you will carry forward into your next relationship that will help you to set healthy boundaries and prioritise your own needs? Personally, I don't believe any relationship is a waste of time, there's always something you can learn from it.

Chalk it up to a valuable learning experience. We learn by making mistakes. Reflect on why you stayed knowing he wasn't right for you and why you tolerated his behaviour, then work on making changes so you don't do it again.

I periodically look at his Facebook page and remind myself that the life he is pretending to have now was the life he pretended we had. It was fake then and its fake now. I just feel sorry for those caught up in his aura.

You don't judge a fly for getting caught in a spiders web. You admire it for fighting its way out and being more cautious next time.

Most women go through a shitty relationship, it's not rare or anything to be embarrassed about.

You either sit thinking about the regret for the relationship and wasting more time or you just think it wasn’t right for me and move on

By having massive amounts of compassion for yourself.
Treat yourself how you would a friend. We never know who people are they often hold back many flaws. We might of not been modelled healthy relationships or how to spot red flags. We all make mistakes and we are all learning.

I take it you're out of the relationship now?

You learn from your mistakes and don’t make the same mistake again. Someone doesn’t treat you well? End it. Simples.

Take it as s learning experience. Don’t settle for someone if you have doubts about compatibility.

In what way "not on your level"?