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Original poster

Am I mad for considering this living situation? Setting up house with parents AND brother

112 replies

Bourte · 12/04/2025 11:56

I am in a very weird place mentally. I am experiencing a bit of an existential crisis. Have become very conscious of the fact that humans are not designed to spend all day creating PowerPoints and sitting in a very unremarkable new build in a London commuter town.

My parents have suggested this completely mad set up. They have found the MOST gorgeous stone farmhouse in Devon with two VERY good sized cottages. Bigger than my home now. And when I say they could be featured in Home and County it is no understatement. Someone with obviously amazing taste has or even an interior designer has done the whole place up. The terrace with its plants and flowers is second to none. We are taking vaulted ceilings, stone fireplaces, flagstaff floors etc. There are various gardens which are just spectacular.

The properties are fairly separate also. Being used as an income right now.

I work from home and could probably get away with going into London one day a week. My husband is very up for the idea but he is a bit of an introvert with very sporty hobbies. The cottage that would be ours is 3 possibly 4 bed. It’s on the edge of a gorgeous town with a lot going on.

My brother is a long haul pilot so he really just needs a place to rest his head.

We get on very well and have never had a problem with boundaries .We are probably polite to a fault.

I mean it has a winding gravel drive way with electric gates ffs.

Am I mad??

I live in a very unremarkable new build semi that is beyond cramped with no garden to speak of

OP posts:
Original poster
Bourte · 12/04/2025 12:12

nearlysevenoclock · 12/04/2025 12:10

This sounds more combative than intended but why would you have to move with parents and brother? The country is full of beautiful rural settings - what’s held you back before?

My parents would effectively be subsidising dh and I. They are selling a house which shot up in value over the last 30 years.

OP posts:
uhOhOP · 12/04/2025 12:11

It sounds really, really great, OP! I hope it can be a solution to your existential crisis. On reading your title, I thought "only if they are actually very separate properties to avoid being in each other's space too much", but on reading your OP it sounds as though it could be a perfect setup, particularly if you and your brother get on well. Other than the matter of maintaining boundaries, I suppose you just have to think about the things others have said, such as what if one of you should want to sell up, or rent out their property.

nearlysevenoclock · 12/04/2025 12:10

This sounds more combative than intended but why would you have to move with parents and brother? The country is full of beautiful rural settings - what’s held you back before?

Original poster
Bourte · 12/04/2025 12:09

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/04/2025 12:04

There’s nothing to lose from giving it some consideration, subject to acknowledging that whilst you get on really well with your family and have good boundaries, both of these things are much easier when you don’t live right next door to them. Plus practicalities like work: you currently work from home and think you could “get away with” only going to London one day a week; if you wanted to look for a new job or promotion, or were made redundant in the future, are there adequate jobs in the new area that this wouldn’t be problematic?

I’m not somebody who’s ever really seen the appeal of peacocking with a giant house full of rooms, and the wonderful friends and community I have in London would be difficult to leave behind: but if you’re somebody who makes friends easily in all kinds of situations, you’d have that to build on.

The house being very cosy is one factor. I’m a homebody so having a dreamy kitchen with a view to cook, bake etc sounds dreamy. But it’s the lifestyle that also appeals too - coast, river, gorgeous gardens to tend to, the countryside on our doorstep for the dog etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Bourte · 12/04/2025 12:07

Yes, my biggest concern is what would happen if someone wanted to move.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 12/04/2025 12:04

There’s nothing to lose from giving it some consideration, subject to acknowledging that whilst you get on really well with your family and have good boundaries, both of these things are much easier when you don’t live right next door to them. Plus practicalities like work: you currently work from home and think you could “get away with” only going to London one day a week; if you wanted to look for a new job or promotion, or were made redundant in the future, are there adequate jobs in the new area that this wouldn’t be problematic?

I’m not somebody who’s ever really seen the appeal of peacocking with a giant house full of rooms, and the wonderful friends and community I have in London would be difficult to leave behind: but if you’re somebody who makes friends easily in all kinds of situations, you’d have that to build on.

Rusalina · 12/04/2025 12:04

Sounds amazing. I’d go for it!

Upsidedownsides · 12/04/2025 12:04

Might be worth working out what would happen if on set wanted out? Would you redraw boundaries and allow one property to be sold? How would the 2 remaining family units feel about sharing with a stranger?

What about capital improvements to one of the houses? If you decide later down the line to sell all three, but you have put in a new kitchen for example?

you know whether living cheek by jowl with your family is possible. I’d be more concerned about the possible exit strategies.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 12/04/2025 12:03

My family could live like this definitely, sounds amazing !

Original poster
Bourte · 12/04/2025 12:03

We all would have our own private outdoor space. All of which are stunning.

OP posts:
HaddyAbrams · 12/04/2025 12:03

Separate, fully contained houses on the same land? Doesn't sound like any of you have typing children that would constantly be knocking on someone else's door.

Go for it.

Anoisagusaris · 12/04/2025 11:58

But you wouldn’t be setting up house with them as you’d have your own house? Sounds great provided you all get on and would respect each others privacy.