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Original poster

Marriage suggestions please

90 replies

Rendall22 · 12/04/2025 10:47

Posting for traffic.

Me and dp have been together for nearly 7 years. 2 DC. We have been engaged for 3. I want to get married now our family is complete but unsure how. Between the two of us we have alot of family and we have no money. I would be quite happy to just elope however now we have DC, and DD really wants to be a flower girl, I want to experience and include our children. I can't imagine getting married and not having them in the photos.

We then thought of doing a small sit down meal with our parents/siblings however if we don't invite their children a.) our kids will have no company and B.) availability will become scarce with childcare presenting as an issue. There is not restaurant that can accommodate for everyone without requiring a hire.

Obviously ideally we would just host everyone and we have found a lovely pub that has a private room for hire. The problem with this is obviously paying for everyone's food and drink. We would have to have 40 guests minimum to include all of our siblings + kids and not leave anyone out. There is just no way we can afford that and we would feel too awkward to ask for people to cover their own.

At this rate I don't see how we can get married and I'm annoyed that money is such a big factor for us. Do we just bite the bullet and have a very dissatisfying day or do we wait years and years to save up. I'm getting quite impatient now given we are nearing the decade mark and would have thought after two children I'd be married by now!

What would you do?

OP posts:
Superstar22 · 12/04/2025 12:32

Why can’t the 4 of you go in your wedding dress and flower girl dress and get married? It would be lovely. Then invite whoever you want for “a drink in the pub” afterwards. You don’t have to buy all the drinks, just one per person or for the first couple of people.
if your siblings can’t all get childcare that’s on them not you.
And your kids don’t need cousins to be entertained. They’ve got loads of family to entertain them.

PishPish · 12/04/2025 12:29

If the important thing is having your children in your photos, just go to the nearest register office with your children and your parents as witnesses/childcare, surely? What you do afterwards is a separate matter. Picnic in your back garden sounds good.

MojoMoon · 12/04/2025 12:28

How old is your DD ?

Get her the dress, go down the town hall with two adult witnesses plus DD in her pretty dress and holding flowers. Get some petals (real, not plastic) and have her throw them at you outside the town hall while an adult witness takes photos

Voila, she is a flower girl and your kids are in the wedding photos

Doolallies · 12/04/2025 12:27

You absolutely can’t accept a £1000 wedding dress and then claim you can’t feed your guests. You should use that money towards food. It would be CF to be walking around wearing a grand while your family pay for all their own meals at a pub

Doolallies · 12/04/2025 12:24

Hire a village hall. Put out tables and chairs; you provide the drinks. Guests each bring a dish? Like a pasta salad or something. You do sausages or some meat

PermanentTemporary · 12/04/2025 12:14

Oh I've just caught up and seen that you can have a wedding reception in your garden! Yes, do that. You can make it different from your siblings' in other ways, and anyway it wouldn't be a bad thing for guests to be reminded of other happy times.

And if the dress is a gift, definitely accept it!

PermanentTemporary · 12/04/2025 12:03

On that budget you might well find that a pub function room with them providing a buffet would be the cheapest of all. Bring and share depends on the cost of the village hall hire - some charge quite a bit these days. Have a search around (or name change and ask on here) and do a bit of calculating.

If you can run to £800 or so you can definitely have a great wedding but there are compromises to be made, and what is cheapest at first sight may not actually turn out that way.

Upsidedownsides · 12/04/2025 11:58

"so you are expecting us to pay for our kids. I can't afford that"

but they expect you to pay for their kids, when you can’t afford it either?

have you thought about doing it in the summer and doing a big picnic and everyone bring food.

Whoarethoseguys · 12/04/2025 11:56

Can't you get married in a registry office then hire a room and have a buffet. That really can be done quite cheaply. You could even ask guests to bring food or cater yourself if the cost of a buffet is too high. I went to a wedding wherever everyone was invited to bring a cake.
You don't need a lavish party with expensive favours or decorations.

terracelane23 · 12/04/2025 11:53

You can get married by going to a registry office. It depends how important a wedding is to you.

Catsbreakfast · 12/04/2025 11:53

Silvertulips · 12/04/2025 10:49

You ask everyone to contribute instead of gifts?

Het a group chat - friends and family don’t mind!

Friends did this. Registry office and then everyone went to a local restaurant with three or so food options coming out and everyone put money in the box to help pay for it instead of gifts. One of the best weddings I’ve been to.

YourGreyJoker · 12/04/2025 11:52

The best wedding I attended was a bring your own picnic in a local park and there were as many children as adults and we all played rounders

Original poster
Rendall22 · 12/04/2025 11:50

When I say we have no money I really do mean it. We want to keep it as low as possible. Under a grand would be great. Even lower would be even better.

The wedding dress isn't a must no.

I know our families would have trouble paying for meals out. Particularly my side of the family since I already threw the suggestion out there and got shut down with "so you are expecting us to pay for our kids. I can't afford that"

To be fair to my family they hardly ever go for meals out and I know they are all in financial situations at the moment. Both siblings have four kids and it would get very pricey for them

OP posts:
CountryQueen · 12/04/2025 11:46

A family of 6 is used to feeding their kids. They have 4 kids so presumably can afford that many. Not your problem! Presumably you won’t force them to come?

CountryQueen · 12/04/2025 11:46

Where are you OP? Whats the nearest town?

notatinydancer · 12/04/2025 11:42

A friend had a register office , immediate family only. Hired a room at the back of a pub and a buffet. Pub provided music.
Everyone bought their own drinks.
Whole day under £2000

If you’re trying to keep the cost down do you need a wedding dress ?
If your daughter is young enough to be a flower girl, just get her a nice party dress.

Original poster
Rendall22 · 12/04/2025 11:41

The no wedding gift idea sounds good, but for a family of 6 I don't think it would work out cheaper at all.

Every pub we've found so far won't allow us to self cater otherwise I'd white happily do that.

When I looked into clubhouses/hall hiring it all seemed so expensive. However I haven't looked into village halls so will do that now!

In regards to my wedding dress it was going to be a gift from both dparents and was an old stock on the floor so under a grand. But yes I did have the moral dilemma of despite that, the money could be put towards other things. However I fell in love with the dress! I also went to a second hand shop and saw a couple I liked and keep an eye out on vinted/stillwhite.

I hadn't considered hosting here. Mainly because we already had a sibling have a garden wedding at ours and it seemed like a recycle of venue. Although I'll bring this up to dp as it may not be as bad as I think and as much as I'd rather it be else where I'd also very much like to get married sometime soon!

OP posts:
Tootiredforthis23 · 12/04/2025 11:27

My cousin was in a similar situation, she did a registry office wedding and then went to the pub after (found one that basically reserved an area of the pub and didn’t cost much) but asked everyone to not buy presents but buy their own meal instead. Everyone was quite happy to and I think most people spent less than they would have done on a gift anyway.

WashableVelvet · 12/04/2025 11:27

Could you do early/mid pm and take everyone for ice creams after rather than a sit down dinner? Or hire a church hall and do a combo of people bringing dishes and a big pizza order? Or we did a great morning party once at a local pub that did cooked breakfasts - it was so much cheaper to get everyone bacon and eggs than dinner and drinks, they let us bring our own cake, it was so relaxed.

PermanentTemporary · 12/04/2025 11:21

Bring and share weddings at village halls are brilliant. Tbh the food is usually better than most catered meals and there's always lots of it. Allocate different courses to your guests and enjoy.

TheSmallAssassin · 12/04/2025 11:19

Liondoesntsleepatnight · 12/04/2025 11:07

Look at village halls? They can be really cheap and look a bit bare but then decorate with lights and flowers and they can look beautiful. then get caterers to do a buffet with deserts, buy wine and Prosecco and soft drinks from Costco. Have a late afternoon wedding, one meal, do you know any DJ’s?

top tip - tell caterers it’s a family birthday - they always mark up for weddings.

Edited

Village halls are great - we had our reception in one and they come with everything you need (tables, chairs, crockery, cutlery) and usually have a kitchen. We bought a load of pasties and made salads to go with them, I made cakes and bought some puddings. People can bring their own drinks.

I've also been to a wedding recently where everyone brought a dish to share, it was fab!

GabbySolisX · 12/04/2025 11:19

Just go to a registry office and after put on a small intimate buffet at your home with your closest people? Honestly if I ever got married again this is what I’d do. I couldn’t be bothered with blowing a bunch of money I didn’t have on one day.

MummaMummaMumma · 12/04/2025 11:12

Your daughter can still be flower girls whatever you choose.
You can still celebrate without a sit down meal.
Loads of halls are free/cheap hire. Many you can do your own buffet.
Depends on if it's the wedding day or the marriage that's most important to you.

CountryQueen · 12/04/2025 11:12

https://www.stcatherines.co.uk/shop/events/hospice-fundraising/wedding-dress-pop-up-shop/

i googled hospice wedding dress pop up shop. This isn’t the one local to me, seems it’s a “thing”

Then use that money to make up a fancy picnic and head out to a country park. One with toilets and play equipment for the kids. Take a couple of fold out tables and a portable speaker with a playlist. Tell everyone to bring a camping chair and a bottle of whatever they wish to drink and just have a lovely afternoon together celebrating!

Marianwallace · 12/04/2025 11:12

No money means different things to different people. What is your budget?

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