To be annoyed my husband told his work colleagues about my operation

I’d be livid. You have the right to have your information kept private.

If a colleague did this about his wife, I’d find it incredibly attention and sympathy seeking on his part. If someone was genuinely doing it for support, I’d expect them to share it with a couple of key people they were close to at work, and not set up a group chat.

What’s weird is that he told some of the info but not everything se eg they know where the op is. I imagine it’s like @WHYohwhy12 is having a tumour removed. It might a really quick spreading cancer wo telling them if it’s breast cancer, a melanoma or whatever.
(Hope I’m getting that right).
which means now he has invited curiosity and is ending up with more questions. It nearly feels like he wanted the attention to be on him rather than on you….
which would, very unfortunately, fit his behaviour at h9me too. Wtf he went to bed ‘because he was tired’ agd left you deal with the cake, presents etc… fur his dc’s birthday!!!

An attention-seeking one by the sound of it!

Setting up a group chat is weird. Is he a bit of a drama queen?

Not on.

I have a group chat with my team to talk outside office hours in emergencies.

We do share if a partner or child has an illness/needs an OP as it may effect work. It could be anything from leaving early/arriving late to taking an emergency day off.

But - I wouldn't share any details nor do I expect any details of my colleague's family illness. A "DH has an OP, I need to stay at home the next day as he can't be on his own" is fine.

Telling family - I may tell them if I have a cold but they don't know of my mental health struggle, my depression, my procedures for a shoulder injury. It doesn't affect them, so I don't share.

Op i think you are over reacting.
Men can be a nightmare for bottling things up and it's good for MH to talk. And have people to lean on.

Work mates can be great people to bounce of off because they are a step removed from the situation and aren't going to bump into you. So don't need to act like they don't know.

I guess the more detailed questions might be for the boss to work out how serious the op actually is and therefore how long your OH might potentially be out on compassionate leave?

if he had told his boss for example that you were having exploratory surgery and cancer was a possibility, there’s a huge difference in seriousness and likely outcomes between having a dodgy mole removed and possibly having ovarian or pancreatic cancer. So given that your OH had told part of the story to his boss, the clarifying questions could make sense. Setting up a what’s app group and telling all his colleagues though is a very odd thing for him to do!

If he’d just told a close colleague then I could probably understand it but to put it on a group WhatsApp? That’s weird and I’d be pissed off too.
He could have just said you were having an op. There was absolutely no need to elaborate and share your medical information.

I don’t really get the issue. I had a big cancer operation last year. 4 days in hospital and 6 weeks recovery at home when I couldn’t drive or do a whole lot. All dh’s employees knew. I mean, I doubt he told them the detailed specifics, but they certainly knew I was in hospital and knew I had cancer. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Some of our family didn’t even know because Dh sees his staff more than either of us talk to family. I personally don’t really care. Nothing shameful about having an operation. He may very well be a jerk, but that sounds like a bigger issue. I think this is a common thing that comes up in conversation. I certainly knew when my line manager’s Dh was having a mental breakdown and out of work.

From your update I would venture to say that he said that to get the attention from colleagues through your surgery.

He has not mentioned it to family and you had to go back to your usual chores the following day.

very inconsiderate

Context is everything. It depends what the op is. (As a pp said, is it a massive boil or growth being removed from your vulva? Or are you having your appendix or wisdom teeth out?) Although it is odd for him to discuss it over a WhatsApp group. So YANBU,

My DH is a bit of a gossip and can't keep his mouth shut and he loves a bit of drama, so I am careful with what I tell him. And I never tell him other peoples secrets or personal information, as I know he will blab. And he has been known to bleat my private information to people at work.

This one thing I didn't know about til one of them saw me in the street and mentioned it. One time (when I was in my late 20s,) I got very drunk after mixing my drinks, and was violently sick and really ill the next day. DH saw fit to share this with colleagues, and I was labelled a massive pisshead, a lush, and a drinken slob 'jokingly' when they saw me next, and they were asking where my drip was that was feeding the alcohol into my veins.

I hadn't drunk booze for about 4 months at the time, and had only had about 6 drinks, and as I said I mixed them, so was very ill. I don't know what DH said to them but you would have thought I was Oliver Reed or George Best! I was really angry with him, and refused to drink when I was out with him for a year or more after that. And I also refused to go to any of his work dos, because the next one I went to after my vomming fit, his workmates took the piss all night. I could have killed him! So I do get where you're coming from @WHYohwhy12 Your partner has no business spilling personal and sensitive information to anyone, let alone his work colleagues!

Doesn’t matter on the op. If she didn’t want randoms not to know then it’s her right isn’t it.

I'm not sure really. I work in a lovely place and know lots of details about colleagues partners and families. I think they just like to offload what they are worried about. Health issues, kids struggling at school. That kind of thing.

If you asked him not to tell anyone it's a bit weird to then set up a group chat though.

OP you should have bought a cake!

Maybe he told them for support maybe he told them so he could get sympathy and slack off at work.

only you know but he is definitely looking for attention which is weird

YABU. He’s probably told them so they all understand the headspace he’s in.

I wouldn't consider this odd or nosy. He likely has a friend/ family member who had similar and was looking to sharing experiences. At my workplace we tend to talk openly about our and our partners health issues. It's a high stress workplace and everyone is supportive.

It's her medical information that she didn't want sharing around the organisation openly

I think the group chat is overstepping, as is telling numerous people. He could have discussed things in confidence with someone trusted and appropriate if he needed that. Also worst case scenario I suppose depends on what it is, how likely, how sensitive but I think if he's gone into sensitive medical details about you with half the company, he's overstepped the mark. If his family can't know but his work have a whole group chat about your operation, he's got his priorities wrong.

A bit irritating maybe, but I don't really get the big issue. For me it wouldn't be, and they've sent you a cake as a gift. I think that's lovely.

I’d be pretty pissed off too. He should have checked with you whether or not he could tell them. The group chat is just weird. It feels like he’s using your op to get attention for himself.

Because it's OP's personal medical information that she hasn't chosen to disclose to her husband's colleagues. It's obviously something that she isn't comfortable with, so her DH shouldn't have done it.