To be annoyed my husband told his work colleagues about my operation

I had to have a hysterectomy more than 10 years ago. My husband and I jointly ran our own business with another couple. I asked my husband to not disclose what my hospital stay was for. Then I found out that after the operation he had told them - because he didn’t think it mattered then!!! I was bloody furious.

Sounds like he’s worried about you and is looking for support.

I think there can be different layers to it.

A friends husband is prone to building up relatively minor health issues into huge drama, which leaves her really stressed and unable to figure out just how concerned she should be (eg he had to have a suspect mole removed but it was a huge drama that he “might have cancer and had to have surgery”). It is helpful to her to be able to bounce it off of friends for a reality check.

Obviously not saying this is a parallel to OP, but I can see how someone can need some outside perspective.

When he has his next prostate examination, I'll send out a group text. After all, he's fine with sharing medical information.

He TOLD his friends he didn’t make a group chat to talk specifically about your illness.

If he has said himself that he didn't set up a group chat for support, as he doesn't get support from these people then why did he? From a bit of drama and attention? Sounds like it given he isn't supporting you physically at home

Maybe he needed to tell someone though? If he was worried .I have been ill and had to have a hystoeroctomy and Chemo .My DH plays football (hes retired) and told some of his friends there ( he was worried and stressed ).They were very supportive and kind.Your guys sound great getting a cake for you

YANBU as he had no reason or need to tell anyone. He may have needed to say to a manager something to a manager about needing time off but could have stressed the confidential nature.

Hope you’re recovering well.

I think that's definitely crossed the line. He would most definitely feel differently if it was the other way round. Perhaps in a non-condescending way, try to explain why you feel he has acted inappropriately, and how it has made you feel. Even if he doesn't understand, I'd hope that he could empathise...

I’d be fuming and telling people he had an arsehole boil and several ingrown toenails.

if I were in the group I’d probably be wondering why he felt the need to share the inner workings of his wife’s body too; yanbu

it’s your body, you grew it, you get decide to tell people what’s going on with it. Why should strangers know your medical history just so he can have some sympathy.

I had recent surgery and my OHs work sent me flowers and a card- I thought that was very sweet.
OH didn't tell his family- just didn't come up in conversation.

He’s been dumb and inconsiderate, you are right to feel upset/annoyed.

It sounds like attention seeking behaviour

Totally inappropriate and attention seeking on your DH's part. It's your private medical information and now these total strangers have access, could also be sharing with their family and someone might know someone who will be working where you're having the op.
Sometimes schools ask for unnecessary details for a child's sickness and their privacy rights is put on a back burner. Lots of over sharing and no benefits to the actual person.

It would annoy me and sounds like attention seeking on his part. He’s making this all about his upset and worry rather than about you.

Talking about with colleagues is normal. I know you wouldn’t like that, but it happens. I know more about some of my coworkers’ husbands’ and children’s health issues than I know about my own. Especially when really stressed and worried, it all just comes tumbling out.

However, creating a special group chat just to talk about your surgery is weird as fuck so you can definitely be annoyed/weirded out about that.

Tbh, it would depend what the operation was. You haven’t said? 🤔

I’m not sure I would be too bothered about this. And I don’t necessarily think it’s weird that he’s told them and not his own family. Many people see more of their work colleagues than they do their extended family and are closer to them.
Is he a bit of an attention seeker?
Or maybe he feels anxious/vulnerable and is just hoping for some emotional support.
Maybe he knew it’s the done thing for his work to club together to get a gift in these sorts of situations and thought it would be nice for you.
Perhaps he’s hoping to to be cut some slack for a bit if is job is particularly busy or pressurised and wants people to have some context if he needs to be absent or leave early or similar.

It depends on family if they'd hold him accountable and expect him to step up Vs randoms who will just give sympathy and attention.

I get it.

I'm very private so get it OP.
I do think it's sweet they sent you a get well soon gift though.

I'd be more cross after coming home from hospital and he went to bed and left you doing the chores for HIS kids.

A friend of mine had surgery to remove a tumour from her brain ( all successful) she set up a group to make it easier on her Dh to update everyone and not deal with constant messages .

i think the severity of the op is relevant and recognise you don’t want to share that info Op . But if I had a wisdom tooth removed i would expect to carry on as normal .

Major abdominal surgery I would expect him to be running around after you .

Yes but how shit is it to reach out to your colleagues for support because your wife is having an op, and not to actually be support for your wife, the one who actually had the op. It’s just so everything is about me, and I don’t do support for anyone including the woman I made public vows to support. Bleugh.

It depends on the workplace.

We share quite private things at work and we support each other. I'm defo closer with work colleagues than normal friends as we are together so much and have lunch every day. We know each others' shower habits, sleeping habits, stories about dodgy ex partners, whether we are getting therapy or not, what we really thought about our partners when we first met them, health issues, ...

I definitely don't have this relationship with family, far from it, and with other friends it depends on if it comes up or not.

Maybe he seemed down and worried and didn't want to lie to them? If they've sent a cake they are clearly not randoms, and do actually care!

He went to bed tired and left you to it, to sort things out for your childs birthday?
Not that concerned about you then.
He sounds like an attention seeking moron.
I bet he is of real low intelligence.

I hope you feel better soon.
Don't blame yourself if you have the ick.

He didn't need to tell him. They should respect his privacy and he should respect yours.

I think there's no right or wrong as regards what people know about such stuff-it's personal preference I would have thought.

And I would expect my husband to respect that even if he didn't agree.