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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to raise a cup/glass and toast me

82 replies

Divorcinghisabusiveass · 12/04/2025 08:11

After realising that I’m in an emotionally abusive marriage, seeing the same dynamic happen to DC, having to contact Social Services as he didn’t change, receiving more emotional abuse as a consequence, whilst watching him temporarily (because he can’t maintain it) become dad of the f-Ing year, whilst he uses a bereavement to try and stick the knife in to me, after four years of counselling and me trying everything to change myself and hold a boundary around his abusive behaviour…

The divorce application is done!! Did it!!

This time next year I’ll hopefully be living without the constant pit of anxiety in my stomach that he creates…

I know there are darker days to come but I know I’ll get through it.

And you all won’t know it but you have helped. I’ve posted on here under different usernames many times, questioning if I’m bonkers or if his behaviour really is that bad. I’ve been pointed towards excellent sources of information. So thank you.

So, wonderful wise women of MN - please raise a cup/glass/fist with me.

To freedom and peace… 🍾 🥂

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 12/04/2025 13:53

🍹 to you, @Divorcinghisabusiveass .
Hoping you'll get to that place of freedom.
Congratulations on taking that huge step.

Original poster
Divorcinghisabusiveass · 12/04/2025 13:48

THATbasicgirl · 12/04/2025 13:28

To freedom and peace 🍹

What reasoning was given when you were advised not to move out may i ask as someone in a similar (although not married) position ?

No incentive for him to move forward mostly.

Also I’m still not sure of one of us will buy the other out or if we will sell.

OP posts:
FastFood · 12/04/2025 13:46

Now drinking a beer in the south of France and raised it for you OP, bloody well done!

Icannotremembermyusername · 12/04/2025 13:36

Cup of tea raised and toasted “freedom and peace”. I am so pleased for you, having been in awful relationships like you, I now realise that you should never ever think you have to rely on another person for your happiness. People should enhance your day to day life not destroy and taint it into anxiety, hurt and sadness. You will be fine, actually more than fine and walk your own path head held high! You go girl!!!

TheChosenTwo · 12/04/2025 13:35

Raising a pint of water to you, congratulations on the rest of your life. Well done op, brighter days will come. You know where to find us if you need us in the next few months and beyond 🥳

Sidebeforeself · 12/04/2025 13:31

You absolute star . This is the best possible gift you can give your kids.

jay55 · 12/04/2025 13:31

Raising a bottle of Coke Zero, well done on taking those steps. All the best for your freedom

THATbasicgirl · 12/04/2025 13:28

To freedom and peace 🍹

What reasoning was given when you were advised not to move out may i ask as someone in a similar (although not married) position ?

AnotherHappyCamper · 12/04/2025 13:24

🥂🥂🥂🍰🍰🍰💐💐💐

Wanttobefree2 · 12/04/2025 13:12

Well done you, it’s so hard isn’t it. I’m living with my loser ex and all he wants to do is argue, it’s a very exhausting way to live!

lashy · 12/04/2025 12:58

Your new future starts now 🥂

Original poster
Divorcinghisabusiveass · 12/04/2025 12:57

Thanks so much all. So lovely to have some solidarity and I’ll update when I’m fully out out!

lots of shenanigans today. But I feel like I’m in the matrix dodging his invitations to conflict though rather than bullets.

OP posts:
DriveMeCrazy1974 · 12/04/2025 10:57

Divorcinghisabusiveass · 12/04/2025 08:18

Thanks. Yes, I’m not really drinking champagne at this time of day (although it’s tempting!) 😂

Show quote history

If you add orange juice, it's a Buck's Fizz and that's totally allowed at that time in the morning!! Good luck to you :)

WhatMe123 · 12/04/2025 10:51

Yes op 🍾🍾🍾🍾🥂🥂🥂🥂

WearyAuldWumman · 12/04/2025 10:41

As we say in Fife: "Goanyerselhen!"

Raising a mug of coffee to you.

newhousenewhouse · 12/04/2025 10:40

Congratulations first step done. I didn’t think I could ever leave. Was an utter nightmare but I did it and today I am sat in my own house. Just put another picture up. So happy for you no one should live where they are unhappy. We only get one life so live it how you want to. Good luck.

Llamo · 12/04/2025 10:20

Cheers OP! To a happier future, for you and your DC x

wizzywig · 12/04/2025 09:59

Keep posting op so we can keep you going on the darker days

Wolfiefan · 12/04/2025 09:57

You have done such a strong thing. Such a great step for you and the children. My mum couldn’t. She stayed. It destroyed her and wrecked my childhood. Stay strong. Look forwards.

FvhgvgghhNC · 12/04/2025 09:57

Congratulations to you, cheers to your freedom and happiness 🥂.

FrankTurnersCat · 12/04/2025 09:54

Raising my ginormous coffee mug to you! I was in your position last June & this morning I woke and ordered the bed of my dreams after the mortgages completed yesterday. Still the final order of divorce to do but I can smell the freedom.
Well done, first hurdle is over. Proud of you!

SpringIsSpringing25 · 12/04/2025 09:53

Well done!!!!

I hope you're the poster. I'm thinking of because it would be so good to know she's getting out!! But whether you are or not that poster I am so pleased to hear you are getting out!!

I hope it all progresses as quickly as possible and you're not having to live under the same roof as him for too long!!

Water bottle raised to you, and it's given me the shop I need to go and make a decentcup of coffee to take to sit in the Sun, I'll be thinking of you!!

inkognitha · 12/04/2025 09:52

Raising a flat white to you OP, you are strong, more women should be like you

JustAnInchident · 12/04/2025 09:50

To @Divorcinghisabusiveass who will, in fact, divorce his abusive ass and be free to live a wonderful happy life! Cheers to the courage 🥂

Lazarusc · 12/04/2025 09:49

Excellent news, well done on having the strength to do this. You can only move forwards and upwards from now on. You will never regret it! Clinking my cup of black coffee with you 💐