To ask you to raise a cup/glass and toast me

Divorcinghisabusiveass · 2025-04-12T07:11:52+00:00

After realising that I’m in an emotionally abusive marriage, seeing the same dynamic happen to DC, having to contact Social Services as he didn’t change, receiving more emotional abuse as a consequence, whilst watching him temporarily (because he can’t maintain it) become dad of the f-Ing year, whilst he uses a bereavement to try and stick the knife in to me, after four years of counselling and me trying everything to change myself and hold a boundary around his abusive behaviour… The divorce application is done!! Did it!! This time next year I’ll hopefully be living without the constant pit of anxiety in my stomach that he creates… I know there are darker days to come but I know I’ll get through it. And you all won’t know it but you have helped. I’ve posted on here under different usernames many times, questioning if I’m bonkers or if his behaviour really is that bad. I’ve been pointed towards excellent sources of information. So thank you. So, wonderful wise women of MN - please raise a cup/glass/fist with me. To freedom and peace… 🍾 🥂

Original poster

Divorcinghisabusiveass · 14/07/2025 22:39

Thanks all. It’s a slog but it will come to an end.

OP posts:

Original poster

Divorcinghisabusiveass · 14/07/2025 22:38

Myfridgeiscool · 12/07/2025 10:50

What did you decide regarding communication? We used Our Family Wizard, it’s a useful tool when they’re being a nob.

We have that. He doesn’t take any notice of the tone meter. I copy and paste his messages and he often gets one or two bars. I’m afraid I finally cracked and took the bait and did a four bar rant having been 100% clear the entire time before that. I’d been so careful and I was so cross on our son’s behalf I let rip. I didn’t swear or insult him but I did use very strong language to tell him the impact he’s had. So cross with myself though because he’s gone quiet and no doubt plotting his revenge 😞

OP posts:

Original poster

Divorcinghisabusiveass · 14/07/2025 22:35

Theunamedcat · 11/07/2025 19:10

Oh yes been there the constant backstabbing he had the reception teacher utterly convinced I was a dreadful parent utterly neglectful there was nothing wrong with his speech and language that having a present mum would cure instead of one who worked (he was under salt from age 1 before we split but it was only an issue AFTER) it was my fault he didn't know his ABC his colours his 123 etc I had a meeting with her in the end and told her he had been in education from age 2 so surely some of the responsibility is on them rather than all on me? Well dad said....dad isn't around he doesn't work yet the children are in child care why is that not a clue for you 🤔

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What an utter …. Insert choice of insult.

I like ‘berk’. Look up the rhyming slang definition 😉

OP posts:

notatinydancer · 12/07/2025 23:14

🥂

Myfridgeiscool · 12/07/2025 10:50

What did you decide regarding communication? We used Our Family Wizard, it’s a useful tool when they’re being a nob.

Lazarusc · 11/07/2025 19:38

Stay strong 💪 Every day you get closer to getting him out of your life. Time will tell on his lies 💐

Theunamedcat · 11/07/2025 19:10

Divorcinghisabusiveass · 11/07/2025 06:18

Anyone still about?

First mediation today.

Still living together.

He has been horrible, predictably. Has been telling me how I’m the abusive one. Telling me everyone else thinks I’m a bad parent, bad wife in whatever way. Lots of critical and blaming messages. Talking to the school without me presumably telling them DCs behavioural difficulties are about my poor parenting not his emotional abuse of them.

for the most part I’m not biting. Not defending myself. Not telling the world how horrible he is.

I found an old email from his mum that is pretty unequivocal in terms of his pattern of emotional abuse being long standing and not about me. I feel like publishing it in the local paper. But I won’t.

Any way, although it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, my body is struggling to cope with the stress and I’ve aged 10 years in a month, I have ZERO regrets and each time he’s nasty it just re-confirms why I’m divorcing him.

mediation today is going to be tough. My brain isn’t working properly. I’ve had little sleep. But it’s another step nearer.

Oh yes been there the constant backstabbing he had the reception teacher utterly convinced I was a dreadful parent utterly neglectful there was nothing wrong with his speech and language that having a present mum would cure instead of one who worked (he was under salt from age 1 before we split but it was only an issue AFTER) it was my fault he didn't know his ABC his colours his 123 etc I had a meeting with her in the end and told her he had been in education from age 2 so surely some of the responsibility is on them rather than all on me? Well dad said....dad isn't around he doesn't work yet the children are in child care why is that not a clue for you 🤔

randomchap · 11/07/2025 18:51

🍾

BeaAndBen · 11/07/2025 18:46

Buy yourself a big glass of something icy today and toast your strength of spirit. His horrible behaviour only proves how right you were to get rid.

Original poster

Divorcinghisabusiveass · 11/07/2025 18:43

Well we agreed rules around communication but already he’s broken them and used horrible language about me so looks like solicitors it is.

OP posts:

slapmyarseandcallmemary · 11/07/2025 12:37

Good for you!! Keep your chin up!!

Funderthighs · 11/07/2025 12:20

You’ll get through it and remember the bright light at the end of the tunnel. I can remember feeling browbeaten at times but I pushed on and it was so worth it. Looking back, I’m impressed by my own bravery & tenacity. You can do it!

Tennislives · 11/07/2025 12:09

OP, keep that email.
Show it to the school.
Keep it safe.
That will have its uses when you are out.
Stay strong.❤️

Goldenpatchwork · 11/07/2025 12:05

That’s a bell ringer from me 🥂@Divorcinghisabusiveass

WearyAuldWumman · 11/07/2025 12:04

Sending you very best wishes.

Myfridgeiscool · 11/07/2025 06:56

Morning OP. Well done for getting through the last few months. They all try the same tactics, trying to make out that you’re the unreasonable one - most people see straight through the bullshit so I’d not worry about that. Also the people that really matter know the truth.

Have you thought about what you would like to get from mediation? How will DC share their time with each parent? What would you like to happen with the house?
Be prepared. It’s really hard to think straight in stressful situations.

jay55 · 11/07/2025 06:37

Well done for sticking it out. You’re almost there, you can and will do this.

Itsallsostressful · 11/07/2025 06:29

Just seen this thread OP sending strength and love to get through this tough bit xxx

monkeysox · 11/07/2025 06:29

Stay strong OP.

💐

Original poster

Divorcinghisabusiveass · 11/07/2025 06:18

Anyone still about?

First mediation today.

Still living together.

He has been horrible, predictably. Has been telling me how I’m the abusive one. Telling me everyone else thinks I’m a bad parent, bad wife in whatever way. Lots of critical and blaming messages. Talking to the school without me presumably telling them DCs behavioural difficulties are about my poor parenting not his emotional abuse of them.

for the most part I’m not biting. Not defending myself. Not telling the world how horrible he is.

I found an old email from his mum that is pretty unequivocal in terms of his pattern of emotional abuse being long standing and not about me. I feel like publishing it in the local paper. But I won’t.

Any way, although it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, my body is struggling to cope with the stress and I’ve aged 10 years in a month, I have ZERO regrets and each time he’s nasty it just re-confirms why I’m divorcing him.

mediation today is going to be tough. My brain isn’t working properly. I’ve had little sleep. But it’s another step nearer.

OP posts:

CarpetKnees · 12/04/2025 15:46

Raising my mug to you and your future @Divorcinghisabusiveass

These stories are always missed by the posters starting the weekly threads about how horrible everyone on MN is. Sometimes tough talking really resonates with people in bad situations.

THATbasicgirl · 12/04/2025 14:59

It does

But im thinking of it as just being a step along the way

Original poster

Divorcinghisabusiveass · 12/04/2025 14:40

THATbasicgirl · 12/04/2025 14:09

I see!

For me I feel like moving out will push his hand with selling. He is clinging to hope that we will reconcille. We won't.

When hes alone in a big house with big bills hopefully he will stop dragging his feet

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It really sucks this bit.

OP posts:

MurdoMunro · 12/04/2025 14:12

Slainte @Divorcinghisabusiveass what a glorious day to sit on a bench and say ‘fuck him and the boat he sailed in on’

THATbasicgirl · 12/04/2025 14:09

Divorcinghisabusiveass · 12/04/2025 13:48

No incentive for him to move forward mostly.

Also I’m still not sure of one of us will buy the other out or if we will sell.

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I see!

For me I feel like moving out will push his hand with selling. He is clinging to hope that we will reconcille. We won't.

When hes alone in a big house with big bills hopefully he will stop dragging his feet