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Original poster

fake confession...... am at a lost how to advice dd

85 replies

CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 06:30

Personally I always just kept to myself in high school so I have little clue how to advice dd moving forward. So dd (16) has been friendly with a girl in her grade via social media since last year and the girl had always been nice to her, like encouraging her and helping her. The girl is very popular and while my dd has friends, she's not like "in the clique". Because of being friendly with the girl, dd had started to interact with her friends too, and one of them seems to be particularly manipulative.

The manipulative friend texted my dd saying how the girl likes dd romantically and dd was skeptical at first but the friend gave all these details about how the girl is scared dd won't want to kiss her, etc. Dd kind of bought into it and texted the girl about it, and she brushed it off. The friend then said the girl was just nervous. Dd probed the girl one more time and the girl faked a confession, and dd thought it was real because she really trusted the girl. The girl kept probing her and dd got the impression from their group that "dating" within their group means being besties for a while so she eventually said yes for the girl to shut it down.

The friend, however, still continued and their group would call out the girl's name when dd walked past them at lunch. Dd decided to probe with the friend one last time in case she hurt the girl and got a dismissive response saying that she doesn't remember. dd then unadded her and the friend messaged her on another platform saying things like "why did you unadd me I'm in tears". Dd ignored her. She has not heard from the girl since the fake confession.

Dd is pretty much done with the friend but she is conflicted about the girl and also their group. The group sometimes interact with dd and dd has a lot of fun as she is very playful and energetic.

What would you advise her? Thank you

OP posts:
Lostcat · 12/04/2025 07:55

CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 07:53

Dd doesn't really get what relationships actually mean but she has always been a late bloomer

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Maybe that’s something worth chatting to her about? If only to keep her safe? Seems like it could be important..

Newbie887 · 12/04/2025 07:55

Agree with others, these girls are not her friends. You aren’t being over sensitive. If anything you and your dd are being a bit niave! They are bullying her in a social, manipulative way. Even the girl your dd likes.

does she have other friends to hang out with? When she goes back to school she needs to completely step away from this group and focus on other friendships that don’t have this level of confusion. Friendships should be clear, not murky, and they should make you feel good about yourself. If this isn’t how your daughter feels 95% of the time with a friend, then they aren’t a proper friend. She needs to learn to put in boundaries and have an expectation of how she is treated.

is she ND?

Original poster
CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 07:53

Lostcat · 12/04/2025 07:52

thirding that treating your dd as “entertainment” is also bullying. I don’t think this girl is your DD’s friend. Her friends certainly aren’t. I would advise dd to stay away from all of them. If they message- block. I’d maybe open up a chat with dd about dating relationships/ sexuality in case that’s something that is confusing her at the moment? Otherwise I’d probably just monitor the situation before taking more formal action.

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Dd doesn't really get what relationships actually mean but she has always been a late bloomer

OP posts:
Lostcat · 12/04/2025 07:52

CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 07:31

The other members never outright treated her badly sometimes like she's entertainment but not like in a hurtful way before this.

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thirding that treating your dd as “entertainment” is also bullying. I don’t think this girl is your DD’s friend. Her friends certainly aren’t. I would advise dd to stay away from all of them. If they message- block. I’d maybe open up a chat with dd about dating relationships/ sexuality in case that’s something that is confusing her at the moment? Otherwise I’d probably just monitor the situation before taking more formal action.

Original poster
CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 07:45

Barrenfieldoffucks · 12/04/2025 07:36

I would be talking to DD about this:

"The girl kept probing her and dd got the impression from their group that "dating" within their group means being besties for a while so she eventually said yes for the girl to shut it down"

She sounds very naive and easily led for a 16 year old.

You don't agree to 'date' someone because their friend keeps asking you to.

They sound unpleasant and immature, but not much more than that. I'd be telling dd to ignore, roll her eyes, or laugh along next time they say anything.

I know she is naive but I have no clue what I can do about it...... I don't want her to have issues trusting people

OP posts:
RunningJo · 12/04/2025 07:39

CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 07:31

The other members never outright treated her badly sometimes like she's entertainment but not like in a hurtful way before this.

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If your DD is ‘entertainment’ then they are treating her in a hurtful way!

These girls are not her friends.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 12/04/2025 07:36

I would be talking to DD about this:

"The girl kept probing her and dd got the impression from their group that "dating" within their group means being besties for a while so she eventually said yes for the girl to shut it down"

She sounds very naive and easily led for a 16 year old.

You don't agree to 'date' someone because their friend keeps asking you to.

They sound unpleasant and immature, but not much more than that. I'd be telling dd to ignore, roll her eyes, or laugh along next time they say anything.

WhatNoRaisins · 12/04/2025 07:32

CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 07:31

The other members never outright treated her badly sometimes like she's entertainment but not like in a hurtful way before this.

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That sounds like bad treatment to me.

NeedToChangeName · 12/04/2025 07:32

CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 07:16

I am not pushing the relationship but dd herself liked interacting with them and the girl had always been nice to her. But this incident really threw her off.

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I wonder if you're being quite naive about this. Girl A seems nice but hangs out with girl B who isn't? I'd say yiu can tell a lot about people by the company they keep and girl A probably sn't as nice as you think

Original poster
CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 07:31

WhatNoRaisins · 12/04/2025 07:24

In my experience at school, even if you're genuinely friends with one person, it never works out well if they are part of a tight group with other members that treat you badly.

The other members never outright treated her badly sometimes like she's entertainment but not like in a hurtful way before this.

OP posts:
Original poster
CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 07:30

Lostcat · 12/04/2025 07:25

I’m not sure on that. I suppose for me it would depend on how upset DD was about it and whether it was an ongoing source of upset. You don’t want to over intervene and make things worse. How is your dd? Sounds like she has handled things well in removing the “friend”. Can she block her on other channels too?

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She unadded her on snapchat and unfollowed her on instagram. Dd now feels humiliated and has no clue how this is going to turn out.

OP posts:
Redburnett · 12/04/2025 07:27

It is hard to believe that even AI came up with this nonsense.

Lostcat · 12/04/2025 07:25

CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 07:05

Would it be a good idea if I advice dd to tell her head of year about it?

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I’m not sure on that. I suppose for me it would depend on how upset DD was about it and whether it was an ongoing source of upset. You don’t want to over intervene and make things worse. How is your dd? Sounds like she has handled things well in removing the “friend”. Can she block her on other channels too?

WhatNoRaisins · 12/04/2025 07:24

In my experience at school, even if you're genuinely friends with one person, it never works out well if they are part of a tight group with other members that treat you badly.

Original poster
CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 07:16

NeedToChangeName · 12/04/2025 07:14

I don't really understand what's happened but I've always encouraged my children to think carefully whether friends have their best interests at heart, and avoid people who don't

I'm struggling to understand why you're keen for your DD to hang out with these people. Are they the cool crowd, and you're keen for her to be included, even when they're laughing at her? I'm not really understanding why you're pushing this relationship

I am not pushing the relationship but dd herself liked interacting with them and the girl had always been nice to her. But this incident really threw her off.

OP posts:
NeedToChangeName · 12/04/2025 07:14

I don't really understand what's happened but I've always encouraged my children to think carefully whether friends have their best interests at heart, and avoid people who don't

I'm struggling to understand why you're keen for your DD to hang out with these people. Are they the cool crowd, and you're keen for her to be included, even when they're laughing at her? I'm not really understanding why you're pushing this relationship

Original poster
CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 07:05

Lostcat · 12/04/2025 07:04

Not being sensitive. This is bullying. Your poor DD. She’s better to stay away from all of them.

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Would it be a good idea if I advice dd to tell her head of year about it?

OP posts:
Lostcat · 12/04/2025 07:04

CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 06:58

So are they actually bullies or are we just being sensitive here

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Not being sensitive. This is bullying. Your poor DD. She’s better to stay away from all of them.

Original poster
CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 07:04

Dearover · 12/04/2025 07:03

Block the lot, step away from sM and encourage her to focus on her GCSEs or exams for the next couple of months. Your DD doesn't need this bullying / drama so put a stop to it now.

We are in Australia and they are on holidays now and dd has no clue how to act when back at school in a week

OP posts:
Dearover · 12/04/2025 07:03

Block the lot, step away from sM and encourage her to focus on her GCSEs or exams for the next couple of months. Your DD doesn't need this bullying / drama so put a stop to it now.

Original poster
CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 07:01

Dearover · 12/04/2025 06:56

You sound as though you're encouraging your DD to get hurt. I would be encouraging my DD to put away her phone. In the unlikely event that the confession girl genuinely likes her, she's more than capable of having a face to face conversation. However, any SM messages are almost certainly being shared amongst the friendship group. I do hope your DD hasn't sent any messages she'll regret later.

The only positive in this is that your DD seems to be talking to you

Dd said she did send quite a few messages being confused and like wanting to know whats going on that can be twisted to look like she does like the girl......

OP posts:
Original poster
CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 06:58

WhatNoRaisins · 12/04/2025 06:58

Sounds more like a frenemy than a friend to me. I don't think this is the right group of friends for your DD but you can only advise her, she might not take your advice.

So are they actually bullies or are we just being sensitive here

OP posts:
Original poster
CosyRubyDreamer · 12/04/2025 06:58

Dearover · 12/04/2025 06:56

You sound as though you're encouraging your DD to get hurt. I would be encouraging my DD to put away her phone. In the unlikely event that the confession girl genuinely likes her, she's more than capable of having a face to face conversation. However, any SM messages are almost certainly being shared amongst the friendship group. I do hope your DD hasn't sent any messages she'll regret later.

The only positive in this is that your DD seems to be talking to you

Oh I'm pretty sure the girl doesn't actually like her but dd only just found that out and she is not texting them now.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 12/04/2025 06:58

Sounds more like a frenemy than a friend to me. I don't think this is the right group of friends for your DD but you can only advise her, she might not take your advice.

Dearover · 12/04/2025 06:56

You sound as though you're encouraging your DD to get hurt. I would be encouraging my DD to put away her phone. In the unlikely event that the confession girl genuinely likes her, she's more than capable of having a face to face conversation. However, any SM messages are almost certainly being shared amongst the friendship group. I do hope your DD hasn't sent any messages she'll regret later.

The only positive in this is that your DD seems to be talking to you