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Original poster

Husband using OnlyFans

62 replies

psychicbats · 12/04/2025 00:35

Hi all. As a preface, me and my husband have known each other since we were kids. We went to the same school, he was three years above me and we've always had a bit of a connection however he was an absolute man wh*re when he was in his late teens early twenties. Anyway, fast forward to the present, we've been married just under two years but together for six years. He's definitely changed, we have two beautiful children. But Im starting to think he hasn't changed as much as he claims.

January 2024 I found an OnlyFans transaction on our joint bank statement and confronted him about it and he talked his way out of it. But then a few weeks later I looked again on his private account (I know, I shouldn't be snooping) and I found transactions for OnlyFans amounting up to about £100. I flipped my lid and he swore to me he'd never use it again. I have no problem at all with him watching porn but when he's paying a lot of money to look at specific women, I have a huge problem with it.

April last year, we unfortunately suffered a miscarriage, and the day after we found out our angel baby was gone, there were yet again more transactions for OnlyFans, this time amounting up to about £200. Again, I flipped my lid and expressed how hurt and angry I was and he swore on our children's lives that he'd never do it again, and believed him. I said if he ever did it again I'd be asking for a divorce.

This brings me to the evening of the 8th April, so a few days ago, when he fell asleep with his phone open and I had a horrible gut feeling he'd done it again, and I was right. I know I shouldn't have been snooping but when you're gut tells you something you listen. This time he'd secretly taken out a loan and spent it all on OnlyFans, £500 worth. He did it on the evening of our daughters 5th birthday. And then again the night after.

Our sex life is non existent and I think I'm starting to realize why. I have major abandonment issues and I don't want to lose him but I don't think I can look past this again. He's unbelievably apologetic and claims he isn't in his right mind when he does it but how can I believe that anymore? I need to preface this by saying this man is my world and leaving him would crush me.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
ShineBrighterxx · 12/04/2025 00:59

Oh Babe. That’s really heartbreaking to read. I was thinking how did he worm his way out this the first time, but I know from things not too dissimilar you try to forget rather than forgive.

He’s done this to you again and again though, you can’t even begin to try to forget his actions never mind forgive. He’s betrayed you when you need him the most.

Take some time out to take care of yourself babe, call on your friends, they’ll all be there for you I’m sure and you’ll realise where your heads at xx

Airyfairy99 · 12/04/2025 00:59

You will forgive again regardless what we say ! I feel for you. He won’t ever change despite his promises. Get out now. You won’t tho .

WinterMorn · 12/04/2025 00:54

What you allow is what will continue. Enough said.

Kinneddar · 12/04/2025 00:49

He's shown you that he has no intention of stopping using OF but then so far there's been no consequences to his lies.

You have 2 options. You accept this is what he is & let him continue or you leave him.

ShouldIEvenBother · 12/04/2025 00:47

This is who he is. He won't stop. He hasn't stopped so far despite his promises, in fact he's got worse - taking out a loan!

If you stay, this is how it is. Family money down the drain on another other womans fanny. Will he escalate further and pay women to have sex with him? Can you be certain he hasn't already?

You'll never trust him again will you, and nor should you. This sort of thing is a huge problem nowdays - so many men are at it. The internet has made it so, so easy for them to behave like selfish twats and to hell with their families. It's not you OP, it's him. He is the problem 💐

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/04/2025 00:46

Advice? He’s a total shit and you deserve so much more.

I’ve been on here since the beginning. Not sure I’ve ever said this before: LTB.

(Trying not to swear a whole lot more on your behalf.)

Waggytail · 12/04/2025 00:44

You need to either accept this is the reality of your relationship or leave him. He isn't going to change. Your feelings about the porn and money don't matter to him and he'll keep doing it behind your back because he doesn't care.

You've suffered a terrible loss and you need to prioritise yourself.

Hope things get better for you but I think it needs to be you who initiates that. Don't wait around for him to be the man you wish he could be

Thedogscollar · 12/04/2025 00:43

He hasn't changed one bit by the sounds if it.
You keep excusing him and his only excuse is he isn't in his right mind🤔

You need to think of yourself and your children. You sound young, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man like this.

If the answer is yes then this is what will crush you.

Maitri108 · 12/04/2025 00:40

Accept he's going to continue to do it and tell him not to use family money. The alternative is to leave.

PabloTheGreat · 12/04/2025 00:39

Unfortunately you either put up and shut up, or leave him.

He will continue to do this. He's got no consequences has he? He's pretty certain you wont leave him.

So, assuming he will continue to do this, what do you want to do?

Slinkyminky22 · 12/04/2025 00:37

He's a liar and a cheat, he's shown you so many times and you forgive him. He keeps doing it and gets away with it. I'm sorry but it would be beyond saving for me.

2chocolateoranges · 12/04/2025 00:37

If this was me, After the first incident he’d be gone. You’ve forgiven the first, second and third incident, he knows you always will and obviously doesn’t care how you feel.

wise up!

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