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Original poster

Husband canceling his game

138 replies

Springsunshine28 · 11/04/2025 23:38

My husband has a basketball game tomorrow, and since I’ll be working, he planned to take our 3-year-old daughter with him. He told me that two of the wives of his teammates—who I’ve met before and who know our daughter—would be there to keep an eye on her while he plays.
However, I messaged both of them and found out they won’t actually be there. I told my husband that I’m not comfortable with him taking her without someone I trust to watch her while he's on the court. He got a bit annoyed and said I clearly don’t trust him. He says she’ll just stay strapped in her pram and will be fine.
But I’m really not okay with that—she’s only 3, and I don’t think it’s safe or fair for her to be left like that with no one actively watching her. He’s now saying he’ll cancel, but I can tell he’s upset about it.
Just wondering—am I being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
Pessismistic · 12/04/2025 00:29

Springsunshine28 · 12/04/2025 00:26

I am worried that while he is playing my little girl will be upset and cry and random people that she doesn't know will come and make her feel better but knowing my daughter she is usually very not trusting with people that she is not familiar with and she will be very anxious. The other thing I'm worried about is she may ask for a potty and random person will take her to the toilet while my husband is playing. So that really.

Show quote history

Stick to your gut it’s 1 game if he was ill or on holiday he would miss it but this is on another level I can’t believe he was considering to leave her especially at 3.

Original poster
Springsunshine28 · 12/04/2025 00:29

Backagainformorepunishment · 12/04/2025 00:23

So is she going to be sleeping throughout the game? Or will she have toys to play with.? How is she going to feel sat there by herself with no mum or dad sat near her. Will she be frightened? Will she be upset? Do either of you care?

She will be upset and anxious that is why I told my husband not to come to the game so yeah I am concerned.

OP posts:
Original poster
Springsunshine28 · 12/04/2025 00:26

pipersgreen · 12/04/2025 00:23

What are you worried may happen? I can’t imagine an eventuality where a dad would play sport leaving their 3yo completely unattended.. and in general all toddlers need is a bit of direction and attention.

im not sure why he lied about certain wives watching (maybe for ease?) - the lying is definitely not okay and should be addressed. But in general - him wanting to play whilst taking them doesn’t scream bad to me.. do any of the other team mates have kids / partners watching?

I am worried that while he is playing my little girl will be upset and cry and random people that she doesn't know will come and make her feel better but knowing my daughter she is usually very not trusting with people that she is not familiar with and she will be very anxious. The other thing I'm worried about is she may ask for a potty and random person will take her to the toilet while my husband is playing. So that really.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 12/04/2025 00:25

Yeah you're not being unreasonable. Just assuming that there would be other people there who will keep an eye really isn't in any way acceptable childcare.

Backagainformorepunishment · 12/04/2025 00:23

So is she going to be sleeping throughout the game? Or will she have toys to play with.? How is she going to feel sat there by herself with no mum or dad sat near her. Will she be frightened? Will she be upset? Do either of you care?

pipersgreen · 12/04/2025 00:23

What are you worried may happen? I can’t imagine an eventuality where a dad would play sport leaving their 3yo completely unattended.. and in general all toddlers need is a bit of direction and attention.

im not sure why he lied about certain wives watching (maybe for ease?) - the lying is definitely not okay and should be addressed. But in general - him wanting to play whilst taking them doesn’t scream bad to me.. do any of the other team mates have kids / partners watching?

Original poster
Springsunshine28 · 12/04/2025 00:23

Mnetcurious · 12/04/2025 00:11

“He assured me that he will keep an eye on her even while he’s playing”

Hope you pointed out that this is actually impossible.

Show quote history

I did. I am very calmly talking to him so he will understand where I am coming from and yes I think he is now saying that he does understand and he is OK not going. But he still seems a bit upset.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 12/04/2025 00:23

you are working.

he either sorts out proper childcare

or he doesn't play basketball

he cannot play and expect / hope / assume other people will look out for / look after his child

he is the parent...

Original poster
Springsunshine28 · 12/04/2025 00:20

pipersgreen · 12/04/2025 00:11

for another perspective… I played pretty high semi professional sport with my son on the sidelines from age 1… there wasn’t always anyone specific named to watch him but all the subs / family watching would pitch in a bit. Is that not the set up here? It’s very unlikely anything would happen and surely all they need is to be near the team and collectively they’ll watch…

This. That is usually the case that is why he is very confident in taking her without me and the other wives. It's just that I don't know the people who will be there to supervise so I didn't allow him to go to the game this time.

OP posts:
Backagainformorepunishment · 12/04/2025 00:19

Another depressing thread where you wonder why men have children.

DysmalRadius · 12/04/2025 00:18

Either he's keeping an eye on her properly in which case there's no point in him playing or he's not, in which case he's asking for trouble! I have a 3 year old and there is absolutely no way I would even rely on her sitting in a pushchair for any length of time, let alone unsupervised.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 12/04/2025 00:17

There's a reason why so many men find parenting a doddle, and wonder what we women "do all day", because when they parent, they stick 'em in a buggy or a playpen and ignore them whilst they do their own thing, play Xbox, on their phone, fucking basketball. For fuck sake, those balls can go flying and could break her bloody nose.

Your husband's a lying, lazy, selfish idiot.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/04/2025 00:16

@Springsunshine28 i cant see a 3 year old even wanting to be in a pushchair/buggy in the first place! they are too old for that!

Needspaceforlego · 12/04/2025 00:15

Realistically basketball it's indoors.
If she's parked beside the subs bench then surely they and the coaches would keep an eye on her as well as DH.

The issue will arise when she starts to get bored. How long is a basketball game?
Could he be subbed off or the other way round be subbed on later in the game?

suburberphobe · 12/04/2025 00:15

If I were a spectator there I'd be very worried to see a child in a buggy with no-one there to take care of her.

Mnetcurious · 12/04/2025 00:11

Springsunshine28 · 12/04/2025 00:08

We just had a conversation, and it turns out he wasn’t lying about the wives. One of his teammates had initially thought they were coming but they ended up canceling, which we only found out after I messaged them.
He assured me that he will keep an eye on her even while he’s playing, and emphasized that he’s not irresponsible. He also not talking much and I can tell that he is upset that he can't play.

“He assured me that he will keep an eye on her even while he’s playing”

Hope you pointed out that this is actually impossible.

pipersgreen · 12/04/2025 00:11

for another perspective… I played pretty high semi professional sport with my son on the sidelines from age 1… there wasn’t always anyone specific named to watch him but all the subs / family watching would pitch in a bit. Is that not the set up here? It’s very unlikely anything would happen and surely all they need is to be near the team and collectively they’ll watch…

ChompandaGrazia · 12/04/2025 00:10

And how many times have you had to cancel a hobby or social engagement because your child needs looking after? I bet it’s happened a few times at least. Sorry but parenting a young child means compromise.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/04/2025 00:10

Your latest update makes him sound like a selfish arsehole.

Who puts their hobby before their 3 year old, seriously?

Original poster
Springsunshine28 · 12/04/2025 00:10

Backagainformorepunishment · 12/04/2025 00:07

I should hope you are more than " quite annoyed " OP.
His lack of concern for the safety and welfare of his child is appalling.
And the fact he casually misled you, or possibly outright lied, so he could go and play his sport, shows he is not a trust worthy partner.
You really need to be having a serious conversation with him about what parenting actually means.

I don't know how to confront him. I found out he is not outright lying and he really didn't know that they are not coming anymore but he is still saying that he knows ou daughter will be safe as he will be there constantly watching her even while he is playing. I am upset and wanting to talk but he is just not responding to anything I am saying now.

OP posts:
ChompandaGrazia · 12/04/2025 00:09

So she is strapped into a push chair? How long before she gets fed up with that and starts crying?

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/04/2025 00:09

Of course it’s not ok. Is he usually idiotic?

Original poster
Springsunshine28 · 12/04/2025 00:08

We just had a conversation, and it turns out he wasn’t lying about the wives. One of his teammates had initially thought they were coming but they ended up canceling, which we only found out after I messaged them.
He assured me that he will keep an eye on her even while he’s playing, and emphasized that he’s not irresponsible. He also not talking much and I can tell that he is upset that he can't play.

OP posts:
Backagainformorepunishment · 12/04/2025 00:07

I should hope you are more than " quite annoyed " OP.
His lack of concern for the safety and welfare of his child is appalling.
And the fact he casually misled you, or possibly outright lied, so he could go and play his sport, shows he is not a trust worthy partner.
You really need to be having a serious conversation with him about what parenting actually means.

Mnetcurious · 12/04/2025 00:05

No way. A three year old needs to be properly supervised. He can’t possibly do that whilst he’s playing a game.