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Original poster

Husband canceling his game

138 replies

Springsunshine28 · 11/04/2025 23:38

My husband has a basketball game tomorrow, and since I’ll be working, he planned to take our 3-year-old daughter with him. He told me that two of the wives of his teammates—who I’ve met before and who know our daughter—would be there to keep an eye on her while he plays.
However, I messaged both of them and found out they won’t actually be there. I told my husband that I’m not comfortable with him taking her without someone I trust to watch her while he's on the court. He got a bit annoyed and said I clearly don’t trust him. He says she’ll just stay strapped in her pram and will be fine.
But I’m really not okay with that—she’s only 3, and I don’t think it’s safe or fair for her to be left like that with no one actively watching her. He’s now saying he’ll cancel, but I can tell he’s upset about it.
Just wondering—am I being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
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pipersgreen · 14/04/2025 20:55

Yeah as I said earlier - all very well to say miss - but as a single mum with 0 support…. My son’s been on the sidelines of every single one of my games since a year. They’re fine and people keep an eye on them - hardly going to wander too far. And if they do I came off. Lots of pearl clutching here

Townlifes · 14/04/2025 20:54

I can see I’m in the minority and probably have a skewed perspective as the daughter of a netball addict mum but I wouldn’t necessarily see this a major issue.
There are always/usually people and other kids around to entertain and help and her dad would be seeing to her every 15 mins anyway or whatever the quarter/half time is.
Few snacks and a water colouring pad or stickers.
make sure she’s been to the toilet before hand and take her at half time
she might enjoy it.

DoddlesMcDoddle · 14/04/2025 20:26

How did it go @Springsunshine28 , did he end up going to the game after all, as I suspect he did?

Longma · 14/04/2025 19:26

Pussygaloregalapagos · 12/04/2025 02:37

I disagree with most opinions on here. She can sit at edge of court in buggy or toddle about.

kids have always been toted about with parents doing stuff that doesn’t directly involve them. It is life.

it is great your husband has active life and willing to take the babe with him.

if you disagree could you get a friend to watch her?

Well, she couldn’t be out of the buddy toddling around really, could she?
She couldn’t end up in the way of players and the ball, wander on the court, wander out of a door, etc.

The OP feels their child may well be upset and possibly cry if left in her buggy, strapped in, whilst dad plays. How would he be able to play the game with his child crying on the side lines? I can’t imagine the average 3y is going to be overly entertained by a game of basketball for very long!

The child needs supervising and ideally entertaining by someone she knows and trusts, not random adults who also happen to be there.

No one can supervise a child AND play a game of basketball. You can do one or the other, but not both.

Pippyls67 · 14/04/2025 15:27

She’s could he wheeled away in the blink of an eye! Terrifying.

Missj25 · 14/04/2025 09:33

Needspaceforlego · 12/04/2025 00:15

Realistically basketball it's indoors.
If she's parked beside the subs bench then surely they and the coaches would keep an eye on her as well as DH.

The issue will arise when she starts to get bored. How long is a basketball game?
Could he be subbed off or the other way round be subbed on later in the game?

Realistically she is 3 !!
This one keeping an eye on, that one keeping an eye
FFS No !, the child needs to be brought by an adult who she knows , who is properly looking after her, and not a coach or spectator (who may I add is glued to the stupid game ) 🙄 that is giving a glance here & there ..
Anything at all could happen & it’s as simple as that ..
Its not overthinking, when it’s comes to your children , it’s not better be safe than sorry , It’s be safe , end of story

Missj25 · 14/04/2025 09:21

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/04/2025 00:09

Of course it’s not ok. Is he usually idiotic?

😂

Missj25 · 14/04/2025 09:14

Springsunshine28 · 11/04/2025 23:38

My husband has a basketball game tomorrow, and since I’ll be working, he planned to take our 3-year-old daughter with him. He told me that two of the wives of his teammates—who I’ve met before and who know our daughter—would be there to keep an eye on her while he plays.
However, I messaged both of them and found out they won’t actually be there. I told my husband that I’m not comfortable with him taking her without someone I trust to watch her while he's on the court. He got a bit annoyed and said I clearly don’t trust him. He says she’ll just stay strapped in her pram and will be fine.
But I’m really not okay with that—she’s only 3, and I don’t think it’s safe or fair for her to be left like that with no one actively watching her. He’s now saying he’ll cancel, but I can tell he’s upset about it.
Just wondering—am I being unreasonable here?

No obviously you’re not being unreasonable ! !
Let him cancel , your daughter is 3 !
Sorry , saying this kindly, but I can’t believe this is a thread , bringing a 3 year old anywhere & leaving her unattended , asking opinions on it !!!!!!!
No, No , No
NEVER

August1980 · 13/04/2025 21:41

Nah he needs to cancel. Don’t feel bad. Your child’s safety comes first. And she won’t be safe. I don’t let my husband take our dog to his rugby games…

BlueFlowers5 · 13/04/2025 20:19

And an able bodied three year old can climb out of their buggy easily. They could wander off.

LumpyandBumps · 12/04/2025 12:59

I know that some children seem to be more amenable to sitting in a pram or buggy for extended periods, but neither of mine would. They put up with it whilst moving, but struggled to get out straight away when stopped. By the age of 2 they were like mini Houdini’s and I was constantly trying to additional ways to stop them undoing the straps. There was no way I could have left either of them unattended for more than a couple of minutes.

Whoarethoseguys · 12/04/2025 12:53

I don't know any three year olds who would be happy strapped into a buggy!
And how could he watch her if he is playing to make sure she isn't too hot ? Doesn't need the toilet or to just keep her safe.
You are not being unreasonable. Is he used to looking after her if so I can't believe he even suggested it

TheSlantedOwl · 12/04/2025 12:50

Thinking about this more, if your DH was the sole parent your DD would be a child at risk, and would need SS involvement.

A father who cares so little for his child’s welfare, and foists her care onto random adults, or none?

He needs to be told very clearly what this sort of attitude and approach to parenting makes him.

gamerchick · 12/04/2025 12:38

He planned to keep her strapped into her pram unattended all along. I'd be wondering how many times he's done that and he knew you wouldn't approve because he knows its wrong.

Yes he needs to cancel his game.

Dinosweetpea · 12/04/2025 12:34

I play basketball and there's not a chance in hell he can keep an eye on her properly (or leave the court if it's an actual game.) In our league we aren't allowed U18s there without a designated (non playing) adult with them at all times. Its a safeguarding issue.

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 12/04/2025 12:24

A three year old will not stay strapped into a pram for long. He is being ridiculous.

ChompandaGrazia · 12/04/2025 12:21

If a mother was partaking in her hobby while her three year old was glued to an iPad for hours I bet that people would have plenty to say about it.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/04/2025 11:52

The sexism lies completely in the fact that whichever the sex is playing the sport, it seems to be only women who are expected to do the unpaid for, and if the parent is the ops husband, doesn’t even have the manners do ask, childcare.

If there isn’t equal numbers of wives telling their working husbands ‘yeah, I wanna play netball, probably one of the dads on the sideline will look after her if they’re there. If not, I’ll strap him down so I can do what I like. What? You have an issue with that. Well then I’m going to sulk and give you silent treatment until you massage my ego’ and the husband then feeling bad they’re upset.

if that isn’t happening equally, then this is the everyday sexism that exists currently in our society

Comewhatmay25 · 12/04/2025 11:20

My three year old and I've seen many others lie behind the bench with headphones on and iPad and the room could be on fire and they wouldn't move! I think if you're not used to the environment, then you may think it's worse than it is. But it may only be a local league with just the 2 teams and maybe 4 supporters on a good day. Also, if you've been part of the team for a while it becomes like a family. I always pack extra snack for the other kids that may be there, and my DS has been shouting calls and helping with the scoreboard since he was 3. Depends what your child is use to.

BlondeMummyto1 · 12/04/2025 10:36

There’s no way any three year old I know would happily sit in a pram for periods of time like this. He doesn’t have childcare so can’t play. It’s as simple as that.

Inmyhands · 12/04/2025 10:34

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 12/04/2025 08:32

Yeah, this is quite wild.

The assumption that two women be barely knows have nothing better to do with their Saturday morning than sit on the sidelines watching their hubbies throw a ball around, and that they won't mind providing him with free childcare, even though he hasn't even contacted them to ask. The mind boggles.

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💯

skippy67 · 12/04/2025 09:20

modgepodge · 12/04/2025 08:03

I actually think from a safety perspective it’s probably ok - I play netball which is probably a similar set up and there are breaks in the game every few seconds when the ball goes out or to set penalties or when a goal is scored, so he could look at her then. There will probably be coaches/subs who would be sat with the pram meaning a random person coming to wheel her away is highly unlikely.

that said, I wouldn’t do it. When this situation has arisen for me, I’ve skipped the game, or once got a friend to come and watch my child and play on the grass outside the court. When I had a tiny baby, I took him in the pram and went in kit but said I may not play - in the end one of my team mates was desperate for a baby cuddle so I did got on for half the game and she held the baby.

Most 3 year olds won’t sit quietly in a pram for over an hour, they’ll start crying/shouting which for me would be a distraction anyway and I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the game. At that age toilet trips are unpredictable and urgent and I wouldn’t let just anyone take her to the loo.

once they’re a little bit older, it’s ok and quite normal in my opinion. Regularly there are kids aged 7/8+ on the side at games. My daughter is now 6 and I think I’m now at the point where I’d take her with an iPad and she’d be ok (but due to the existence of her younger brother this situation won’t arise for a while as he’d need childcare anyway!). But I wouldn’t have at 3.

I play netball too, what you've said is spot on! My DC always had a "netball auntie" ready to step in if needed. I definitely wouldn't have had them unsupervised by the court at 3 though.

bigvig · 12/04/2025 09:06

Of course it's wrong to have a toddler unsupervised. It's also wrong to expect the wives of friends to supervise her without actually asking them! Your husband should also be made aware he should sort out childcare not just rely on whatever random woman happens to be about. I'd be really annoyed if instead of relaxing and watching a game I had to supervise a 3 year old.

modgepodge · 12/04/2025 08:58

Mnetcurious · 12/04/2025 08:41

“children (admittedly usually older than 3) sat on the side while their mum plays”

older than 3 is the key point though. I’m sure if op’s child was 6 or 7 she wouldn’t have the same concerns.

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I absolutely agree that the age is an issue. I was responding to the comment about it teaching her that men can do what they like and women will pick up the slack. Because plenty of women also do this while they play netball - whilst the kids are generally older than 3, there is still an assumption that someone (probably a woman) is vaguely keeping an eye on a 7/8/9 year old, as one wouldn’t usually leave a child that age unattended in a public place either.

Needspaceforlego · 12/04/2025 08:58

user1492757084 · 12/04/2025 01:00

This. It is not the Olympics so DH can always leave the court, if need be.
And suggest that he texts around his team mates and asks if any of their older kids, or girlfriends, would like to be paid to entertain 3 year old in her pram beside the court, for cash.

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That's a good shout to get an older kid to play with her.