Found more messages - feeling completely broken (again)

Good. And you’re not married. So what are the living arrangements? Who needs to move out and where are you/they going? How soon can this happen? The practicalities are hard but you can overcome them, as long as the scales have truly fallen from your eyes and you can detach emotionally from this pointless cheat.

@sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 has it right. He brings nothing good to you.

That’s great to read. No reason at all to cling on to this piece of shit then. Set a great example for your daughter and don’t allow her mum to be disrespected like this. Living without trust is terrible, I did it for 9 years. Walking away was so hard, I thought I could fix him too, but it was the best thing I have ever done. Meeting my husband taught me what true love is. Decent men are out there.

With love - whats the point of him, then? He treats you like crap, you feel awful because of his actions, he obviously doesn't care about your feelings and you don't need him financially. Get rid

Then GTFO. Behaviour is a language—time to understand what he is saying with his behaviour.

Oh and congratulations on the baby! Sorry his stupid actions have taken the shine off it. But you will come through the other side of this with 2 kids you adore and a little family unit without him.❤️

So sorry you are going through this. I understand why you would have given him a second chance when there is love and kids involved. However, he is not good long term. He’s selfish and immature to rock a family for a bit of flirting etc.

is he a good partner in other ways eg when you have the baby is he useful, will he pay for things etc. if yes and you’d get support you could stay but consider yourself as housemates. And live sort of separate lives but have lots of support. It’s easy enough to orchestrate coz you’ll be on Mat leave anyway and he’ll be working.

if it’s going to be too upsetting etc then I think the only advice I have is he won’t change and you deserve better. Whatever that looks like for you.

There isn’t any forgiving possible here. He clearly never meant anything he said in therapy. Every time he opened his mouth he was thinking ‘what can I say to fool her into thinking I’ve changed, so I can go out and try and find someone else to have sex with since she spoilt that arrangement I had. Bloody hell I hope it doesn’t take too long to convince the stupid woman, since I do want to live in the same house as my kids and have a woman looking after me.’

So that's a good thing. But are you emotionally dependant on him though ? Because I wouldn't have forgiven him the first time and I hope for your sake you kick him out now. There is no coming back from this. He doesn't love you and he's a vile disgusting man. Yoi don't seem sure in your approach to this so I'm wondering if you have got low self-worth. Is he constantly putting you down as well? You deserve someone who cherishes you and respects you. He clearly doesn't and will just go on and on if you forgive him (but will be sneakier about it).

No exact experience of this, but def would take this at my own pace.
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It's safe to say if he does leave for this other woman they both have a shock coming because of the rather obvious baby coming! Also he will be paying for his kids, so single life will be quite hard.

You've obviously got access to his accounts. You could befriend her, and post some pics of baby bump. She will be stalking you on the Internet anyway.

I would be practical- a warm and comfy home, are you living a happy life, do you like being a sahm / further your career if you work?

You can bide your time, ducks in rows, sort out finances, have the baby knowing you are although not taking the mumsnet moral high ground, taking things at your pace and not struggling in a bedsit if that is your option.

You can leave for a few days and let him look after his son alone for a bit. Then come back and see how you feel. Do not leave the home for good, he can move out.

You can confront him, But then you lose access to see what he is doing. You aren't supposed to know. The ow will try to make sure you do know, to hurry up events.

Nightmare though. Fucking social media.

So sorry for what you are going through.

I have no respect for a man like that. They deserve none. He knows exactly what he is doing by cheating again. He thinks you will forgive him again because you are 'trapped' as you have kids. He has shown you disrespect because he considers you are 'weak' to forgive him, rather than you being loving and trying to do the right thing for your family.

I agree with others who say that trust will never fully come back now and to quietly see a solicitor to see what you can get if you do decide to leave. You will then be able to make an informed decision.

Just to add that whatever you decide, don't let your kids grow up thinking their dad's behaviour is normal or accepted by you. They will know if he has checked out of his family and it will set them up for putting up with crap in their own future relationships.

The children will have a loving mother who will do her best for them. That's the important bit.

But is that the best thing for your child and the baby? Practically speaking.

I just wanted to come on here to say: if you do end up being a single mother, some of my happiest memories (and theirs) are of me alone with my two babies. Eldest is now 21. We were the 3 musketeers. So close. I’m so sorry he has hurt you. Try if you can to stay as calm as you can for that baby and for your other little girl.

Sometimes when such horrendous things happen you feel like ‘what was the point of that’ but as your life unfolds you’ll see your best life was waiting for you and was still to come.

He might end up being a decent co parent with you but for some reason (likely childhood stuff) he’s fucked this right up.

If you want to stay that’s okay too but I just wanted to let you know being alone with your kids is also very beautiful. Those are the days I wish to have back.

Sending you all the love.

♥️

@Aud1988, you’ve been in a false reconciliation with a serial cheat and liar who has manipulated you, the counselor, and the therapy sessions.

Your children are already in a broken home. Would you advise your daughter to keep forgiving a future unfaithful partner?

Kick him out, @Aud1988. He is not a good man. If you stay, you will be sentencing yourself to a life of anxiety and mistrust, and your children will be absorbing a toxic relationship model.

Hard though it will feel, finding those messages is a gift to you. You now know for sure how he feels and what he thinks. This information empowers you to decide how you want to live your life.

You can’t see it now, but give it time and you will be living without doubt, without betrayal, without hope that this will be the last time he cheats. Without having to see his lying, cheating, disloyal face over the dining table every day. Living without all of the above and thanking everything you had the courage to be free of him.

Say nothing, get your ducks in a row and DO it, he doesn’t deserve a faithful partner. And you deserve peace in your life. Wishing you all the luck.

Of course other people break up with people who cheat on them.

What's the urge to spin out the misery and have more kids with this guy?

Is there no one in your real life to point out how delusional you're being?

As a child my Father cheated repeatedly on my Mother. I never knew when and if he'd be home, girlfriend after girlfriend happened and he left us so many times. . Please, for the sake of your children leave him. Much better to have separated and happy parents than always be wondering where your Father is as a child.

Of course he will regret it! Because his life is harder, more expensive and doesnt have a free housekeeper in it.

Think about that.....

Honestly you deserve better. Why is he eyeing up random thots on Instagram? Your kids will sense if you are unhappy in your relationship; they're not stupid, they pick up on it. And you have a right to feel happy and valued in your relationship.

I know it's difficult but I think you need to show this loser the door....

He's not going to change. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

He's completely crapped all over your generous decision to forgive him last time. He's no good. This is going to happen again and again if you stay with him. Get rid of him because you will never have peace of mind.

Have a think over what to do about your pregnancy. I don't know your views, but maybe termination is a consideration? I'm guessing though this is a much-wanted baby and you may not be willing to terminate just because its father is an arsehole.

So sad for you xx