Found more messages - feeling completely broken (again)

Not sure I would do that, but if I did, I’d include the link to this thread!

The only silver lining is that the kids are too young (not even born in one case obviously) to know any different than a household with you and visits to their Dad.

It's worth telling you that if you qualify for any UC, which might be in your interests to do, you get 85% childcare paid up to a cap of around 1600 a month.
You can still work some hours but obviously the more you work the more your UC goes down - until you don't receive any and then would not get child care..So somewhere in the middle is ideal.

No need for such nastiness.

You jumped fairly quickly into forgiving him last time, if you're newly pregnant and he last cheated under a year ago. You trauma bonded.

But this is who he is. He's showing you that very clearly. It's barely been a year and he's at it again.

He's not very bright, and a lecherous creep.

Have the baby or not, you'll be better better off without him.

My ex was interacting with someone online promised he’d put a stop to it then it turned out he hadn’t. Definitely an emotional affair. Probably more. I realised afterwards he wasn’t who I thought, it sounds like you’re in a similar situation. It was awful at the time, he kept lying but I had completely lost trust. Your children are young it will be hardwork for you but they won’t know any different. I will say my ex moved on with someone fast which hurt again. But a few years on I’m so happy in my own right, I think everyone deserves that. I would say take one day at a time, therapy and journaling helped. Good luck op.

I have him on find my app

If I was a sneaky man, I'd just leave the phone at a friend's, work etc. and use a second burner/payg phone.

You know where his phone is, you don't know where he is.

Could you possibly be less kind and empathetic?

OP has already said that she wants this baby so telling her to abort is horrible. If she wants to terminate, she should be given full support for that decision, but if she wants to keep the baby, she should receive the same support. None of this is her fault.

I found explicit messages on my son’s dad phone six weeks after giving birth. I stayed for a while but i couldn’t get past it. 9 years later, I have a great partner who I trust completely, bought my own house, had another child and a dog. It was a hard period of my life but things do get better. I’ve got the life I’ve always dreamed off now. Hope you are ok, I was a single mum for 5 years and it wasn’t easy but it was so rewarding

There are two types of men in this world. Those whose focus is to build family, and a meaningful life, and those who never grow out of the teenage years of sexual adventure and enslavement to their ego.

Honestly, this isn't about fidelity, it's about your whole future life on all levels.

I think take a breather, talk to your therapist and get your ducks in a row.

get some advice from a solicitor. I understand it’s hard to take the jump and make the once to be alone and end the family you’ve created. But he remember it his choice.

there’s no need to rush, make a plan move quietly. You and your baby will be alright.

This is in no way judgmental because you are in a terrible position, but please don’t live your life like this, how can this person who treats you with so little respect be worthy of your time?
Bottling up anger and resentment is a recipe for disaster, it has terrible effects on your physical and mental wellbeing. Life is short, don’t spend it with someone who behaves like this.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. No matter what they say. If they are not doing it physically, they are doing it on-line.
I am shocked at the level of cheating described by PPs, but more shocked that many have repeatedly stayed 'because of the children'. Why martyr oneself when in effects, the kids know that their parents (their mother at least) are unhappy and that they are trying to put on an act. They note the little snipes, the dirty looks, the furtive phone calls, the moaning to other friends....

Here's what I'd do. I'd write on that instagram; "yes you are with me, you cheating bastard. Second time I've caught you. We have a 19 month old and another on the way. News to me that we're not together!"

Catch him out like that. And the woman will see he is a cheating bastard cheating on his pregnant partner at the same time. Two birds, one stone.

Fool me once . . . He won't change so if you want to have a better life you'll have to change yourself. Bin him or continue to have years more of this. Where you see forgiveness, he sees acceptance and permission to continue his behaviour.

So sorry you going through this
There is nothing better in life than feeling safe , security and never worrying about what someone else is doing
Being a single parent is completely doable, allow him to be a father if he is worthy but fuck him right out of your bed and your heart

This is on him, not you

I would argue that by showing his true colours, he's done you a favour

Be the naster of your own ship. Don't let him dictate your life

Stay strong, and remember, you deserve better

Do something now before you have a third pregnancy, why on earth do you think he will change?

Do something now before you have a third pregnancy, why on earth do you think he will change?

So sorry you are going through this.
Better to end sooner as the kids are so young they will never remember the two of you being together. That being said I agree with Rosie888- make a secret escape plan before you just up and leave.
When you confront him be prepared he will try to lie to you and say he had no actual intentions with the woman and that he will never do it again. Be strong - don't fall for his lies.
He is breaking up your family, not you. Feel no guilt for that.
Surround yourself with people who will support you emotionally.
Do you have any family toy can live with ?

What a loser. - you will be better without him. It’s wonderful that you are practically fine without him. Focus on your self and your children and be glad you found out early enough to make his departure an early fact in their lives. You could have wasted so many more years - non of this is your fault. Now he gets to see if he can be a better father than partner.

@Aud1988
“I'm so worried about breaking up our family for the kids, but I can't accept this again.”

You 100% wouldn’t be breaking up your family by leaving him. HE is breaking it up by messaging other women and denying your existence. If family life is what he wants, he can step up and ensure he co-parents fairly and respectfully, and funds his children.

The other point about the pregnancy, which is 100% your decision and you have to live with - either way. You’re giving off a the vibe that you would deeply regret any decision not to continue. And to that I say 2 things.

1. so many women on here say that parenting with a deadbeat cheating partner is far harder than solo parenting. At least they don’t have a man baby to look after too.
2. In life, we play the hands we’re dealt. You’ll find a way to make it all work, because you will have to. But that’s life. And your babies will grow up with a strong woman as their role model.

This man is bringing you stress which is exactly the opposite of what you need when you’re pregnant.

Get evidence of income, savings, pensions etc. Whose place do you live in? Kick him out. File for maintenance etc.

he’s forced your hand to do this. Don’t stay with him as he’s shown his true colours and feelings already. He’s scum.

I have, my now ex husband was an online cheater, they were all emotional affairs and for various reasons I don't believe they became physical.

I've posted before about him so apologies for the repetition if anyone has read my story before.

My husband had emotional affairs from year 1 of our marriage and I wished I walked away sooner, I eventually left at year 17. I can assure you that 99.9% of them do not change and probably cannot change.

I didn't leave for various reasons - low self-esteem, pride, fear about my kids, all sorts of things. Early on it was also because I thought he couldn't help it due to his terrible upbringing.

After I left I realised how emotionally (and financially) abusive my marriage had been so that was likely another reason. I was so out of sorts from that I couldn't see the wood from the trees and lived in a state of hypervigilance.

The first time I caught my husband he denied it despite me seeing it with my own eyes. He behaved for a few months and then did it again, this time he admitted the previous emotional affair and denied the new one. That cycle continued for years until I reached the point I no longer cared and stopped checking his phone. I have no doubt he continued having emotional affairs as he was always glued to his phone.
His emotional affairs were usually with people from Facebook, usually friends of friends or people he knew from years ago. Once it was a very pretty work colleague.
My ex-husband had low self-esteem and confidence and did it for an ego boost.

When we eventually split and he moved out, despite me telling him it was over he thought I was just punishing him and would let him back so a while later when I met someone else he went absolutely mad, stalked me, broke into my house to steal stuff, just generally was mentally unwell and attempted suicide a few times. He was also sectioned.

Despite him begging I never went back. He told me he did it for the ego boost and never planned to leave me - gee thanks!!
I'd grown in strength and could say no. I told him it was the lack of respect for all those years that ground me down and there could be no going back.

My ex has also been a Knight in shining armour and I think this is where most of his emotional affairs started, women would post on Facebook something negative and he would message them being supportive and it would grow from there.

He hasnt changed at all, he started supporting a work colleague with her difficult marriage and they used to message a lot and spend time together and it became an affair and then she left her husband and they now live together.
The only problem being that she moved into the house my daughter lived in with her Dad with no warning or no meeting and so my DD promptly moved out as she didn't feel comfortable in her own home. (DD still did 50/50 between me and her Dad even after she left school).
The relationship between my DD and her Dad is hanging by a thread and has done for the last 18 months which is very hard to see.

My advice would be to run and don't look back.
You're independent and you can do this.