Found more messages - feeling completely broken (again)

I pity the poor sap he's trying to get with, but then I'd be very wary of getting together with a man who had such a young child

I'm so sorry for what your late partner put you through. It's truly disturbing what some people in this world think they can inflict on another person; as if they are entitled to do so - it's just unfathomable. I'm sure OP will find your personal experience very helpful in her decision-making - thank you for sharing it. And very best of luck with rebuilding your life now you're free of him - you will get there, one step at a time. 🤗

This is all his fault, he’s an idiot. You are worth more, kick him to the kerb. He does not deserve you. Not your problem that he has something missing from his soul that he’s done this. Don’t feel sorry for him, be disdainful and protect yourself, your assets and your children.

Not judging you, I get it. It’s just very sad.

I hope that when the kids are old enough you give yourself a chance to find happiness.

There's no family to break up. He sat in therapy and lied to your face. Get angry and get out. You have means, so you have choice. That's more than a lot of women.

I'm glad you have support. Does he know you know?

Don't be upset. Be angry. That cold calculating angry. Use that anger to get one step ahead of the cheating bastard. Get an STI check then gather documents and see a solicitor. Get the best deal for your children.

What a well considered response, beautifully put.

I stayed with my partner for the sake of the children and when the last one went to uni it was like living in a prison, I'd have preferred to drive all evening rather than go home.In my case it was about my partner's prescription drug abuse and total dishonesty.
I'm now in my late 50's, dh is dead and it's very difficult to rebuild my life. If I had it all to do again I'd have left at those early stages, like when I had my first child and he emptied my bank account, kept my bank statements from me and checked my phone daily.
You've gone through a counseling process with him and he's shown himself as being totally unworthy of you.

This is good to read OP - you have choices and self-determination.
My stomach lurched when I read your original post - I can only imagine how sad, upset and angry you must feel. It must be clear to you now that your "D"H was merely paying lip-service to your couples counselling - he was just playing the game with no real grasp of the devastation he's caused, no real guilt about doing so, and no real intent to change his behaviour. I'm so sorry.
I don't have any personal experience of what you're going through, but can relate a couple of similar experiences of my knowledge. The first one, an acquaintance, was repeatedly cheated on by her husband of decades (they have three, now adult, children) but are still together. She clearly knew her DH was a philanderer, but chose to tolerate it (he even left her for over 3 years for an OW, but came back - and she allowed him to! 😱 ). I think she thought he'd eventually slow down in old age and start behaving himself - and it appears he has and that's obviously enough for her. On the other hand, a dear friend of mine tolerated her DH's long-term affair (for almost two decades) as they also had a young child and as my friend was the product of a broken home herself, she didn't want that for their DC. However, "playing the long game" didn't work out for her and he eventually left her for the OW (they are still together). My friend was heart-broken and will likely never get over his betrayal although she has practically moved on and created a lovely life for herself with her DC and now DGC.
Only you know what you can and want to tolerate OP, but I think it must be clear to you by now what your "D"H is and what he will continue to subject you to. As PPs have pointed out and it's sadly true, some people see forgiveness as permission to carry on just as they've been doing - they think their partners are desperate and will keep taking them back. Think about how you feel right now OP - is this the way you want to feel for years if you stay with him? Is this how you want to feel if he repeatedly betrays you and eventually leaves you? Alternatively, what sort of "prize" will you have won if he continually cheats on you but stays with you into old age?
If you carry on as you are, you will be invested in your little family while he will continue living his life as if you and your DC don't exist. Personally, I think you should tell him what an appalling "D"H and father he is and kick him into touch - but only you can decide what to do next. Very best of luck with your decision-making OP. 🤗

In the words of nora Ephron, you didn't split the first time because you thought he had learned his lesson. Unfortunately the lesson he learned was he can fuck around and get away with it.

What a horrible silly man. He doesn’t deserve your tears.
He will regret this, but in time you will be fine.

Also, if you have the baby, your daughter will have a full sibling, which is always nice, if possible.

As for your STBX, he has no respect for you. If you’re not financially dependent on him, you’re in a strong position. Leave him to his philandering ways. Don’t worry about the impact on the kids. It’s the best time to split as they won’t remember you ever being together or splitting. To them, you being apart will be normal.

Being a lone mother is hard and you can get lonely. Holidays are the trickiest thing. So, best to go away with family and friends if you can. But there are also many upsides, such as not having to compromise with a partner or put up with all their annoying habits.

I think you've responded to the wrong person.
My post was in response to the awful PP who said get a termination and some self-respect.
I responded saying there was no need for such nastiness.

He's such a shit person and father too - doing this, knowing you're pregnant and if you found out he'd be subjecting you to a load of upset, stress etc. during pregnancy and while trying to look after his young child.

This is why I will never subscribe to the BS view that a man can be a shit partner but a good Dad; it doesn't divide up neatly like that.

The last thing a mother needs for her physical and mental health is a cheating man causing her distress.

I'm so sorry for what your going through OP. Not quite infidelity here mine was anger issues and addiction. I just wanted to echo what most other parents are saying. This is not on you this is on him. My child is thriving and to be honest we are both so much happier away from my ex. Children are very resilient and being honest its easier as they are so young to make changes now they likely will remember very little if any if the next 3-4 years. This whole thought process that children need to be from 2 parent households or else they won't be raised "properly" or be as happy as other children is quite frankly bs. If you have a daughter, would you encourage her to stay and be unhappy and just accept an unfaithful partner because that's all shes worth or because of the kids? No way in hell. Please do not suffer for the rest of your life wondering if and when he will cheat again just because you have kids to him. You and the kids will be okay in fact better than okay youl be a lot happier in a few months time. The thought of change is scary, you don't know any different. You will never be alone you will always have your children and maybe even family support. And you can't think of it at this stage but one day you may even go on to meet a genuine man who treats you with the love and respect you deserve but that one takes time to build trust and confidence again. Please stop thinking I can't and think why can't I? You are so much stronger than what you know. You do not need this dead beat guy to be happy and your kids don't need the example of 2 ppl living together one of whom will be severely unhappy and full of anxiety and paranoia on the look out for other women always wondering to be happy either. Trust your kids will be fine whether they have 1 parent or 2 parents at separate households. There are books u can use to explain things they will surprisingly just carry on as normal you have the blessing you are still in pregnancy with the other very young.

There are some vile, disrespectful and unempathetic people on your thread @Aud1988 you have absolutely nothing to reproach yourself for. I hope you can work your way through this latest situation. Do you have any RL support to talk things through with you and consider the right options given your current circumstances with the baby on the way?

My ex cheated after 27 years. Our children are older and they know what he did.
Please don't take him back. You are only delaying your life and healing. He will do this again and again.
Cut him loose now. He broke you up, not you. Your little one won't know any different. I honestly think if you separate when childrne are younger it hurts them less .
Mine are in counselling from what their dad did.
Im sorry your in the club.
I can recommend some fb groups for support if you're on there, as well as a really good reddit page. I spent hours on there after I caught my ex. It really helped me

Been in a similar situation. I stopped trusting myself and stayed over and over again until I realised he is an exploitative liar and would continue to do this. Which he did with the OW / his next wife. (No sympathy for her.)

Pregnancy makes women vulnerable and some men can’t resist taking advantage of that. I left, child was 2 and doesn’t consciously remember anything of that time.

I believe my husband loved me then, I certainly loved him, and he felt I betrayed him by leaving, but he was dishonest and unfaithful and he created an unhealthy environment in which to raise our children.

i wish it could have been different but this was my response to his recurring behaviour and I protected myself and my family. I wish I’d left him earlier. Ten years on, what do you want for yourself and your children? I suspect you will never feel safe with him again. You deserve to be loved in à respectful manner.

The fact that you found them on his Instagram means he wasn’t even particularly bothering to hide them. 😢

You are vile.

I don't understand ppl saying get a termination. You made a decision to have another child together and why should you give this up.
I haven't had the insta sort of thing but had my exh cheat whilst I was pregnant which I was told about 10 days post partum by him that he wanted to leave. I didn't play the pick me game but gave him 2 hours to make a final decision and he stayed. We also had a second child moved to our forever home and after 4 months he left me with a huge mortgage a 3 and 1 year old and debt.(He had not paid nursery)
You can do this alone. My kids were and still are my world. You are financially in a good place with a career, you can more than do this you can excel. It won't be easy at times but a life where you and your children come first is so worth it. Good luck, hope your pregnancy goes well. Look forward to the baby. Don't overthink the why, that's on him.

Telling the OP that she can terminate her unborn child is absolutely disgusting. How do you know that child isn't much wanted and loved. The OP can still have her baby and not be with the cheating husband you know.

Op, when someone is behaving like this they're either not into you (even though they're happy to go along with being with you, shagging you etc.) ..... Or they're just a cheater, and it doesn't matter if they're into you or not.

In the first scenario, no point in staying with and being treated like shit by someone who's not into you.

In the second there is no point in staying and being treated like shit by a habitual cheater who's always on the pull etc.