Found more messages - feeling completely broken (again)

Also, to terminate a pregnancy is a deeply personal decision for no-one other than the woman involved and I do wish other people wouldn't give "advice" on this particular aspect. You will do whatever is right for you and your unborn child OP and you couldn't have made your feelings any clearer on the subject, so people just need to respect your decision.

Well done OP - I was tempted to suggest you make the OW aware of his family. Yeah, her response is as pathetic as his. 🙄

Good for you and for keeping the baby get every penny you can from him for his kids. I know you are ok financially but there still his kids. Can you not get him to leave? He’s more than a piece of shit. I would tell him to have a nice life with random women and you’re glad you have found out now. That you’re not stupid enough to forgive him again and he best get it in his thick head you mean it. Hopefully in the future you will find someone who will respect you and love you and you him. You will get over him eventually it won’t be easy but rip that plaster off get grieving for the relationship you have lost by the time baby comes along hopefully you will be on your healing journey.

Lots of good heartfelt advice here op Definetly have your very much wanted baby. Full siblings going to dad’s house together is easier for the children. And your family could be complete at 2 so you will have fulfilled your desire to be a mum. Enjoy your children alone without a man. It’s great I made every decision for them myself based on my wishes. Ex was an asshole trying to make my life hard for years but I’m doing great my kids are very successful stable happy achieving and we are very close. Ex still around and they see him but he’s still an ass and sometimes to them now. Serial cheating is the tip of the iceberg of alot of issues and resulting bad behavior.

@Aud1988 "He doesn’t believe that I’m leaving but I am." Well that says it all, doesn't it OP? He clearly believes you're desperate to stay with him under any circumstances. I'd love to see the look on his face when you prove him wrong. Stay strong OP. 💪

He may or may not have already physically cheated but the fact that he told her you are not together makes his intentions clear. I’m sorry OP but I do believe the saying that past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour. At some point in the future he fully intends to cheat on you. He’s not content with what he has with you and that’s not your fault. Some men just want it all. He did it once, you forgave and now he’s done it again. This pattern is not going to change no matter what assurances he gives you. You are going to tie yourself into a pretzel wondering what he’s up to, trying to check his phone, trying to check where he is when he’s not at home. It will eat away at you. That’s no way to live. I’ve been there. I did it. I left him after about a year because I knew I could never trust him again and that’s not how I wanted to live my life. Now I’m married to a man who loves married life and wants to be with me. We enjoy doing things together including the same hobbies. Throw this one back and let him live that life. Go seek the life you really want with someone who wants the same thing.

This is such good advice - there is no family now.

Agree with 101Nutella

"Oh and congratulations on the baby! Sorry his stupid actions have taken the shine off it. But you will come through the other side of this with 2 kids you adore and a little family unit without him.❤️"

Please do not terminate a baby you want because your husband is a shit.

But do get legal advice before showing your hand.

It's already broken, though. He lies and cheats. There's nothing to save.

I have lived this experience multiple times (probably 10 or more) with the same partner..over 18yrs of my life and 3 children together. Every time followed the same pattern and every fall out would result in love bombing and I’d try and convince myself he would never do it again..but in the end I carried all the emotions and it resulted in physical and psychological distress. I have therapy and one of my saddest realisations is that I have very few memories of my children as babies/young children due to anxiety that I was carrying at this time. It consumed my life.

In my relationship he engaged in emotional affairs (probably physical too) exchanging photos etc. all with women from his work..I couldn’t see it at the time but it was actually a small part of a highly abusive and controlling relationship...if there are any signs/signals of abuse in your relationship leave as soon as possible for the benefit of your children.

My absolute regret is not leaving when they were young..because I was pregnant/had young children/ wasn’t working etc.i believe now he intentionally acted in the moments when I was most vulnerable knowing I couldn’t leave..it has taken me years to get out of a very toxic situation and my children have suffered terribly.

i also kept everything secret from family/friends because I feared judgement. I now believe if I’d shared/been honest about what was happening in our home it would have helped me to have support to leave much sooner.

You need to leave, I left with an 18 month old. He didn’t make it easy for me but she’s almost 12 and we are really happy. He just repeated the same pattern with another woman. My daughter just told me this week she doesn’t want to stay over anymore because all they do is argue. Men like this do not change from my experience.

Of course there is family. @Aud1988 will soon have 2 children.

That is @Aud1988 's family unit.

You have your answer right there.
He has no respect for your relationship whatsoever. You’ll try to fix it, you’ll soldier on forgiving him and taking his empty promises that he won’t cheat again. But he will and his excuses will be he felt locked out because of the baby, you were too tired for sex because of a new baby—- it’ll never be his fault, his choice to look elsewhere. He has no qualms about lying about you.
Your children will never know any different than they will live with a happier mum who’s not always having to check up on a cheat.

What a bastard! Does he know that you know?

Yes, I agree with this. It’s hard when a woman thinks she’s got one of the first category but he turns out to be from the second. Realistically he’s not likely to change. Life will always be full of anxiety and suspicion if you stay with a bloke in the second category. OP is in a strong financial position and I hope she can focus on her worth and her needs, and how her DC will benefit from a happy and calm mum, and dump this cheating bastard.

I just don’t agree, sorry. Parents that can pretend for the sake of the kids and get along fine is better than the awful awful moving between parents houses/ new partners/ sad times at special occasions.

If you're newly pregnant, do you definitely want to continue with this pregnancy? Having a termination at this stage would be far easier than going through pregnancy/childbirth/parenting a baby with someone who cheats on you and denys your existence. Having 2 small children will make navigating this even harder for you.

I can only add to this from a child's point of view. My Dad was unfaithful to my Mum time and time again. All I remember from childhood was Mum finding out, screaming/shouting/rows, lots of hysterical crying, then forgiveness and hysterical bonding again. For a while all would be calm, then we'd start the cycle over. It only stopped when he fell in love with one of them, and left for good. It took me years as an adult to trust a man. Even though I adored my Dad unconditionally, I didn't want to be a victim of one myself... and DH took years to break though the steel walls I'd built around myself.

Once a man cheats and you forgive, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of that repeated behaviour. Show your DC better.

Totally agree with @Backagainformorepunishment - it is HIM who has broken up your family. I went though this many years ago, both my DC were babies. I was financially dependent, I was absolutely horrified at the thought of my children not having a typical 'family unit', BUT, I knew in my heart I could not forgive infidelity long term. It shattered all my dreams of what actually cositituted a 'happy family', he had had an affair, I was blindsided, but the lying, the deceit, the pathetic signs of remorse, etc.. just didn't cut it for me. My gut told me I had to divorce and move on. It turned into a horrendous separation and divorce, he made my life hell for years, (also cheated on OW), but I stayed local to him and (resentfully) co-parented, even though I wanted to run away at the time to get a million miles away from 'him'. However, 20 years down the line, I am the happiest I could ever be. I remarried and then separated, (again my gut told me that the relationship was never going to make me happy), but for different reasons. I am finally living the dream; sat in the sun in my own garden, with my dogs and cat, nobody can take the roof over my head away, and I now I have two kids who grew up to be healthy and happy and are now living their own lives with their partners. They also remained close with their dad. It can be done but it is devastating at the time. Try and get through the upset of now - and one day, you will look back and wonder how one SINGLE human being, could have had such a devastating impact on your life. Be strong - you've got this.

@Redpeach I do too, but the OW he's been messaging doesn't know this pig has a partner, young child and new baby ... yet.