Found more messages - feeling completely broken (again)

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. You want your baby, you have your baby xx

It's something I couldn't have done either unless in extreme circumstances.

@nCAgain111 @mavi5davi5 HUGE respect to both of you for having the courage to tell your stories on here. There's no shame in making a mistake (we all do) but it takes a strong person to admit it to themselves, let alone to others. 💜💜

You don’t need to justify your decision to have your baby at all OP xxx

What are you on about, nothing in that post suggests that pp is a “pro lifer” or that her posts express concern about a “bundle of cells”. The concern is for the OP, who has made it clear that she wants her baby, as she has every right to, and you and other posters have absolutely no business passing judgement that she won’t provide an absolutely wonderful life for this baby regardless of her relationship 😡. It is pro CHOICE to recognise that abortion is a deeply personal decision for the women involved and nobody should be offering unsolicited advice on something like that in either direction .

I could have written this post, I discovered the same and forgave him. We are still together 2.5 years post online infidelity. I think about it on a daily basis, I don’t trust him - have never checked his phone since mind. But I want to, and angry that he’s made me feel like this. But I’ve lost all respect for him and am in the process of plucking up the courage to end our relationship. Prior to discovery, he was the perfect man. I raised 3 children as a single mum after their father cheated and left. They are 3 well grounded and happy children. You can do this on your own! In fact you’ll be much stronger because of it. Please don’t tolerate it. I did and I’ve been miserable ever since. The trust is gone. Whatever you choose to do. Good luck.

@Aud1988 his response doesn’t surprise me at all. When I caught my ex, I asked him the same question, if he felt any guilt, and he confidently said no when he was with those other women he did didn’t even think of me. I didn’t exist in that moment or our child of course. He admitted he was able to completely compartmentalise his home life and his affairs. He’d also previously told me I was the love of his life that he’d never met anyone like me and never would again. He changed his tune when I told him I was leaving and he said now that he knew how much it hurt me he wouldn’t be able to compartmentalise again. They are cold, callous narcissists who are incapable of empathy or change. There’s no coming back from this. You sound confident, capable and competent. you and your children will go on to have a much happier life without a narcissist like this in it. Good luck OP, stay strong.

Hold your head high Aud He doesn't deserve you and he doesn't deserve to wake up every morning under the same roof as his children. Kick him into touch but make sure you get every penny you can for the children even if you don't need it. Put into a trust for their future. He helped make those children therefore he has to use some of his income on them and not on wining and dining other women.
Let him go and concentrate on your family, your 2 little ones will grow in a peaceful home provided by their loving mum.

I suggest you look back at the tone of the post that I was referring it. It was vile and I stand by my remark. As was the other poster who effectively ordered the OP to have an abortion. I got that little charmers post deleted because that was vile too. There are some bloody ignorant people on MN at times, and I have every right to call out inappropriate posts.

Sadly it's all about him, him, him. Nothing you've said there suggests he is in anyway bothered about the effect his behaviour is having on you. He really isn't relationship or marriage material, that's the unvarnished truth.

its good you're finding a way through this, with dignity because he sure as hell doesn't have your best interests at heart.

your parting gift to him is "off you go and have your dopamine hit elsewhere, I'm outa here"

@Aud1988 So he feels no guilt whatsoever whilst betraying you online? Wow. And the reason he indulges in this behaviour online is because it gives him a thrill? Despite the fact that, having worked with a counsellor and you forgiving him previously, he knows the damage it does to your marriage. Just wow.
I wonder how much of a "thrill" he'll get when sexting is all he has left and you are creating a lovely life for you and your DC?
Yup, sorry OP, your characterisation of him as a POS is entirely accurate - a juvenile, pathetic POS at that.

Many people suggested it before the OP indicated a strong preference to the contrary. Simply because it is a practical solution, and one many would choose. The OP doesn't want to, and that is totally valid.

It’s not “disgusting” at all. It’s a possible option for her, and a sensible and practical one at that. Much easier to be single mum of 1 than 2. Less ties to Fuckwit.

But OP has said she doesn’t want to, after this poster posted, so that’s fine, but there was no harm in anyone asking if it’s an option before she replied - particularly posters who know how hard it is to be a single parent to very young children. It’s also a consideration how she would cope if her second child has any additional needs which might affect her career and ability to work to support them.

I think this is very wise. Plus you'll have so much anger towards him if you terminate a wanted baby. He could later tell your daughter that you terminated her sibling, too.

This !! It absolutely astounds me that women feel comfortable advising other women to have an abortion, especially when they’ve not only expressed no desire to do so, but have in fact made it explicitly clear that they very much want their baby! Honestly , what is wrong with people?!

Yes, an innocent, as yet unborn child cannot be killed. As OP says, she would live with the guilt of having done that, for the rest of her life.

I would be a single parent living in flat any day over exposing myself and child to that 24/7 my daughter goes 2 days a week and decided she’s happier with just her mother a peaceful loving home. I would alays see leave over pretending. Kids are not stupid

Thanks for your words - I do understand all of that, and often I’d be the one telling others LTB. I’ve only replied with this as I didn’t want the OP to get bombarded with LTB comments and not get the answer to her question.

I’ve sort of ‘gotten over it’ as time went on. It was disrespectful, had a massive effect on me at the time, and whilst I still think about it, I’m nowhere near as affected now as I was then.

For me a life where my kids had to see their dad on the weekend, or being a single mum in a flat somewhere, bringing step parents in to my kids lives was a worse scenario in my head than just turning a blind eye and in my own time getting in to a better place. I didn’t just do it for the kids (it may sound like that) but I also worked really hard to jointly buy my first home, first car, TTC, - I didn’t want to give all that up. It’s not about the material things in a way, but the energy that went in to gaining those things.

if there were physical affairs, I’m sure I would have felt different.

Has he given you any explanation of why he has done this to you and put a bomb under your marriage?

Good for you. I would have felt the same. I'm fine with other people making a different choice but I don't think I could ever have done it.

Your decision is made - don't let anyone make you feel guilt over it xx

So....don't know if this will help but...

I have a close fiend couple. Absolutely amazing people, so lovely and I have a lot of love and time for them.

They have been married 15+ years but apparently she found out just before the wedding that he had cheated on her a number of times. ( before I knew them). She decided to forgive and carry on with the wedding and now they have children, gorgeous house, decent income and absolutely can't stand each other.

It's horrendous. We do family days out and even the kids have picked up on the animosity. She snarks at him continuously, he used to just try to placate her but has lately started to snap back etc. She resents him massively for the cheating and just can't cope with the emotions.

I think the world of them but sometimes wish they'd just split and be happy apart. The children have stopped reacting now, which is the saddest part as the atmosphere has now become so normal to them.

And I reiterate, 15+ years of this and still going

That’s called love bombing to reel you back in. Text book abusers behaviour otherwise you’d just leave. Save yourself and children years of heartache and go.