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AIBU?

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Original poster

For refusing to go to Church?

331 replies

TheGreyPony · 11/04/2025 20:14

Me and DP have been together for 4 years and are newly engaged.

My family is atheist and DPs family is catholic (DP is not practicing any religion)

DPs family go to church every Sunday and special occasions (Easter, Christmas…)

DP doesn’t go to church expect for on Christmas Eve, which is mother states is extremely important to her.

She has asked me every year if I will go to church at Christmas with them, and I explained me and my family have our own traditions and it’s not something I want to give up.

She keeps asking DP and I to go to church on a Sunday with her. She says how much it would mean to them, and how sad she is that DP doesn’t take his faith seriously.
DP genuinely just can’t be bothered to go, and i genuinely could not care less about Church or anything to do with religion.

I am not “anti-religion” I just don’t believe it in at all and do find the whole thing ridiculous (don’t worry, I’d never say that to his family) I worry she blames me for DPs lack of faith, but I also find myself biting my tongue whenever something good happens (like I get a promotion) and she tells me to thank god - because I think, I did that on own, not God.

AMBU for refusing to go? I know it’s important to her, but I just don’t like religion and I feel like it would be more disrespectful to lie.
Should I pretend, and go to church to keep the peace? Or be true to myself?

OP posts:
Kilroyonly · 12/04/2025 08:58

Your non belief is just as important as her belief so I actually think she’s incredibly rude & disrespectful to even ask.

toomuchfaff · 12/04/2025 08:56

She says how much it would mean to them, and how sad she is that DP doesn’t take his faith seriously. You'ddo it if you loved me type language.

This comment has me saying stick to the guns with no and don't budge because this is verging on manipulation, and after a church visit its a quick fall into "you went last time", then its all the discussions about how hurt she will be if you're not married in a church, and then itll start again when it comes to christenings, and its a life of pain.

She needs to be told in no uncertain terms by DP.

aspidernamedfluffy · 12/04/2025 08:55

CraftyGin · 12/04/2025 08:47

No it would not be. Most people don't believe the first time they go to church.

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I went to church many a time as a child (and Sunday School).....I'm almost 60 now and still don't believe in any of it.

Eelqueen · 12/04/2025 08:54

Marsyoungersister · 12/04/2025 08:54

My apols for not recognising a bit of satire....😊

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Forgiven

Marsyoungersister · 12/04/2025 08:54

Eelqueen · 12/04/2025 08:52

Please tell me you knew I was joking in that post? Please!

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My apols for not recognising a bit of satire....😊

Eelqueen · 12/04/2025 08:53

CraftyGin · 12/04/2025 08:51

Not at all!

Most people go to church because they were invited.

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The first time most go to church is as a child

are you genuinely saying otherwise?

Eelqueen · 12/04/2025 08:52

Marsyoungersister · 12/04/2025 08:46

@Eelqueen think the op would be better to fall to her knees this morning at home and pray .....

Who should she pray to? Beelzebub, Ganesh or maybe the Flying Spaggetti Monster ??

Please tell me you knew I was joking in that post? Please!

Eelqueen · 12/04/2025 08:51

Marsyoungersister · 12/04/2025 08:50

In that case she can be introduced at the Church Fete while the future Mum-in-Law is manning the Tombola stall.......church doesn't have to come in to it....

(Cross-posted with above post)

Edited
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I think you meant to quote the poster of the comment I was responding to

CraftyGin · 12/04/2025 08:51

legsekeven · 12/04/2025 08:50

Mainly because they are taken as children!

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Not at all!

Most people go to church because they were invited.

Marsyoungersister · 12/04/2025 08:50

Eelqueen · 12/04/2025 08:46

The op didn’t mention that the mother’s motivation is to introduce to her friends. She doesn’t even mention friends.

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In that case she can be introduced at the Church Fete while the future Mum-in-Law is manning the Tombola stall.......church doesn't have to come in to it....

(Cross-posted with above post)

aspidernamedfluffy · 12/04/2025 08:50

CraftyGin · 12/04/2025 08:44

It's polite to respond to an invitation and go once. She can introduce you to her friends.

After that, you say a polite 'no thankyou'

It is also polite to not keep badgering someone into doing something they don't want to do just to keep you happy. If the MiL wants to introduce the OP to her friends then there are other places to do that than church.

legsekeven · 12/04/2025 08:50

CraftyGin · 12/04/2025 08:47

No it would not be. Most people don't believe the first time they go to church.

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Mainly because they are taken as children!

legsekeven · 12/04/2025 08:49

This will be about wanting a church wedding and any grandkids baptised. Stand strong on this one. You don’t need to be u kind just very very clear.

I do not believe in god so it would be disrespectful for me to go.
no I won’t be baptising my child, they can make their own decision as an adult.

Marsyoungersister · 12/04/2025 08:48

Eelqueen · 12/04/2025 08:45

You truly think I was saying the OP go to church to pray her husband gets the backbone to tell his mum they don’t want to go to church because they’re atheists

i mean….. 😂

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I don't know what you meant, hence the comment that it was illogical.

CraftyGin · 12/04/2025 08:47

Growlybear83 · 11/04/2025 20:47

If you’re an atheist it would be very hypocritical for you to go to a church service.

No it would not be. Most people don't believe the first time they go to church.

Marsyoungersister · 12/04/2025 08:46

@Eelqueen think the op would be better to fall to her knees this morning at home and pray .....

Who should she pray to? Beelzebub, Ganesh or maybe the Flying Spaggetti Monster ??

Eelqueen · 12/04/2025 08:46

CraftyGin · 12/04/2025 08:44

It's polite to respond to an invitation and go once. She can introduce you to her friends.

After that, you say a polite 'no thankyou'

The op didn’t mention that the mother’s motivation is to introduce to her friends. She doesn’t even mention friends.

Eelqueen · 12/04/2025 08:45

Marsyoungersister · 12/04/2025 08:44

Oh I didn't know it was a joke.
OK. 🤔

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You truly think I was saying the OP go to church to pray her husband gets the backbone to tell his mum they don’t want to go to church because they’re atheists

i mean….. 😂

Marsyoungersister · 12/04/2025 08:44

Eelqueen · 12/04/2025 08:41

You have taken my suggestion seriously 😂

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Oh I didn't know it was a joke.
OK. 🤔

CraftyGin · 12/04/2025 08:44

It's polite to respond to an invitation and go once. She can introduce you to her friends.

After that, you say a polite 'no thankyou'

Eelqueen · 12/04/2025 08:41

Marsyoungersister · 12/04/2025 08:37

So OP should go to church and pray to a God, she doesn't believe in, that her partner will develop the gumption to tell his mother that you are both rejecting Him, (and her wishes) and won't be going with her to church ?🤔

What sort of nonsense is that ?

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You have taken my suggestion seriously 😂

Eelqueen · 12/04/2025 08:40

Marsyoungersister · 12/04/2025 08:37

So OP should go to church and pray to a God, she doesn't believe in, that her partner will develop the gumption to tell his mother that you are both rejecting Him, (and her wishes) and won't be going with her to church ?🤔

What sort of nonsense is that ?

Show quote history

I think the op would be better to fall to her knees this morning at home and pray that between her and her dh they manage to get a backbone and stop the weekly pestering for the past 4 YEARS by explicitly saying “no to this Sunday or any Sunday. We will never be joining you BUT that doesn’t mean we don’t want to see YOU”

job done

but nope… start a mumsnet thread

Boredlass · 12/04/2025 08:39

No chance I’d go. I’d be a hypocrite. I don’t want a church service when I die either.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 12/04/2025 08:38

Yanbu.
If any other organisation had a regular and recent history of child abuse by its staff, people would rightly boycot it. The Catholic Church should be no different.
I would not set for in one of those places and would tell my MIL exactly why.

Marsyoungersister · 12/04/2025 08:37

Eelqueen · 12/04/2025 06:12

Go to church Op
Pray to God that your DH develops the gumption that will enable him to he sit down calmly with his mother and kindly explain that neither of you will be attending this Sunday, next Sunday or indeed any Sunday. However that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to see her and spend time with her, just not at church.

so that this doesn’t carry on for another 4 years

So OP should go to church and pray to a God, she doesn't believe in, that her partner will develop the gumption to tell his mother that you are both rejecting Him, (and her wishes) and won't be going with her to church ?🤔

What sort of nonsense is that ?