For refusing to go to Church?

You can express your opinion without being offensive and ridiculing people's belief systems.

She expressed the opinion that it is juvenile.

@WaterFeatures juvenile carrot and stick of the Eye in the Sky, heaven and hell etc

Oi !

You can express your opinion without being offensive and ridiculing people's belief systems.

Muslims believe that Mohommed owned a flying horse called Buraq that he used to travel around the area. Are you going to make jokes about that? If so, make a packed lunch, because you'll be in hiding for a long time 🙄

When people bash Christianity I wonder what religious/non-religious rights they think Christians are seeking to take away from them?

It's interesting that whenever there is "woo" thread and someone is pestered by something that goes "bump" in the night, posters are yelling for the home-owner to get a Priest. 😁

you think someone should take part in a religious ceremony that they don't believe in?
Why?
Would you expect eg. a practising muslim to attend a catholic mass just to be polite?

I don't see why anyone who is an atheist should be expected to go to church in the same way you wouldn't expect someone who believes to stop going. I don't think your MIL is being respectful of your beliefs.
As an atheist, I find church services very awkward but will go for a specific reason eg. weddings, funerals. SIL had both her DC christened so we went but had to sit through the entire service. I just sit there not partaking in anything!

Yes, but you have clearly come believe in this nonsense. The OP may not want to spend Holy Week meditating on the torture and execution of a first-century Galilean preacher whose followers believed he rose from the dead, or hear ‘beautiful’ homilies from representatives of a thoroughly corrupt organisation. As an atheist who grew up in a devoutly Catholic household, leaving and developing an adult secular morality without the juvenile carrot and stick of the Eye in the Sky, heaven and hell etc was one of the best things I ever did.

How is OP's MIL respecting her beliefs if she keeps trying to get OP to attend mass with her?

OP isn't having arguments with her MIL, telling her that there is no God so why on earth would she go to church. She is not trying to change her MIL's beliefs, but I think OP's MIL is trying to change OP's. I'm sure there will be arguments in the future about OP and her fiance having a Catholic wedding, baptising their children and attending Catholic schools. OP needs to put her foot down now.

You seem to be approaching this with the zeal of a new convert to Catholicism. I think OP's MIL is being disrespectful.

fine, you’re asking her to respect your beliefs and traditions. But you aren’t wanting to respect hers?

Why does “respecting her beliefs” require active participation? I bet you wouldn’t think it reasonable for OP to push her MIL to attend a talk held by Richard Dawkins.

I respect the right to vote how you like. But I won’t be voting Tory next time as a sign of respect for people who do. Why is this any different?

Genius response.

I do think there is a difference between not doing something because you don't believe in it and someone respecting that, and getting someone to actively do something they don't believe in.
I agree with you that OP needs to talk seriously to her DP about this, but I think giving in and just going once or twice is giving a false impression that the OP may be open to getting married in church and baptising any children.

@Eelqueen It is a spineless dh problem

This ^ with big brass knobs on.😁

I think it is respecting her MIL to be's beliefs by refusing to play pretend. I also don't think you are giving your advice from a place of disinterestedness.

OP, stick firmly to your position.

My friend humoured her MIL once or twice and then was hassled about a church wedding.

She had a falling out with her fiancé when it then became a big church wedding, that she had specifically said she didn't want.
She called things off as she said this was not going to be her life.

She would not be baptising children to humour his mother, and if things weren't clear now there was no point going ahead.

They were split up for a few months as she was genuinely put off.

They got back together through his perseverance.
Small registry wedding and a simple lunch.
Lived in a town and did not accept a site from his parents.
She ended up having a really good relationship with his parents, as did her children, when everything became very clear that she would not be dictated to.

It will not end with a few masses on Sundays.
One funny thing that she pretended she didn't see was her MIL used to put "holy" water on her babys every time they visited.
She knew she meant well and never commented on it.

I think the OP’s thread should be in relationships and should be…

“For 4 years my MIL has been pestering us to come to Sunday church. What can I do to get my DH to square up to this and finally be unambiguously direct with her”

It is a spineless dh problem

😆

Bit of an odd one this.

fine, you’re asking her to respect your beliefs and traditions. But you aren’t wanting to respect hers?

also as many have said - if you have kids, your partner may then feel called back to the faith - are you happy with your kids being raised catholic?

just go to mass. They are often beautiful and the homilies are relevant to everyone imo. It’s an hour out of your life. Plus it’s Holy Week coming up - a poignant time of newness and renewal.

for context - ex atheist, then agnostic, about to be baptised and confirmed catholic. So I’ve been through it all

In a very similar situation but twenty years down the line. We only go maybe once a year because it's something his parents are very passionate about. Luckily his mum sings in a choir so we effectively go to listen to his mum sing. I have no issue with anyone's religion but equally I have absolutely no interest myself. My husband basically couldn't care less. I will however voice my opinion if it is suggested that I should be thankful to god if something has gone well. It amazes me that if something devastating has happened the god subject seems to go mysteriously quiet.

Erm because 7 year old me didn't have much choice in the matter. I also didn't have a car or access to horse manure.

Surely, if OP's future MIL is desparate to introduce OP to her friends, she organises a social occasion, not involving a religion that OP doesn't believe, so that OP can meet them in relaxed surroundings that don't make her feel uncomfortable or that there is a hidden agenda.

OK.

I think its sarcasm

@toomuchfaff She says how much it would mean to them, and how sad she is that DP doesn’t take his faith seriously. You'ddo it if you loved me type language.
This comment has me saying stick to the guns with no and don't budge because this is verging on manipulation, and after a church visit its a quick fall into "you went last time", then its all the discussions about how hurt she will be if you're not married in a church, and then itll start again when it comes to christenings, and its a life of pain.
She needs to be told in no uncertain terms by DP.

As a practicising Catholic there is nothing I would like more than church attendances to swell. But cajoling, manipulating, and otherwise pressuring people over this is non-productive and just builds resentment.

People come to things in their own time (or not) as the case maybe.

Is this an Irish family we are talking about, as they can be very pushy? That was my experience when I lived in Liverpool.

The best response would be “I respect your beliefs too much to go and pretend I believe”. It will probably infuriate her, because she can’t criticise it as a response, but you still get what you want without saying anything that could reasonably be wrong rude or unkind.

Most of us as children don’t have much power re what we have to do on a Sunday morning

“No thank you” IS the polite response to this invitation.

So why go? 🤔

Wouldn't you be more gainfully employed washing your car or mulching your roses on a Sunday morning?

You can spread a lot of horse manure in 2 hours with better results. Your garden would be fertile even if your mind isn't 😆