For refusing to go to Church?

@WaterFeatures And yet, despite being ‘fed and watered’ you’re still burbling on about Islam to other posters, without appearing to be sure what you mean. (19.14 Sat 12th April)

What on earth are you talking about?

I am sure you have me mistaken with another poster.

Between my post of 18.49 yesterday (when I came back to the thread "fed & watered" after engaging in charity work) and your post of 19.14. the same day I did not mention Islam at all.

You seem confused.

Yes there was another thread this week about MIL talking to her grandchildren about God.

She will also put you under pressure to get married in a church. I would just be very clear that I was an atheist and going to church is not something you do.

I already have on the thread, or rather the humanists have. My point being a considered and well researched atheist would know all this. They might still reject or not believe in God, but can still have a considered, knowledgeable and thoughtful discussion on these things. I'm not going to engage in a discussion with someone who is unable to.

It really doesn’t. You simply can’t accept that atheists don’t define your god in a particular because we don’t believe in him. It shouldn’t be that difficult a concept for you.

DH is from an atheist family, they were so horrible about us having a church wedding. DH grew up thinking like them about religion, very dismissive and nasty about it but was open minded when I asked for a church wedding because it means a lot to me and my family. We met the priest and he was so welcoming to my husband, agreeing to marry in a church meant no commitment to the church. DH has since been to every Christmas and Easter, weddings, funerals and other rites of passage and has found it really eye opening. Mostly that what he was brought up to sneer at was wrong, not that it makes faith and religion right for him. If it's not important to your husband then I don't see a reason to go, but I don't think it would hurt for you to go once or twice a year and feel part of that side of the family. That being said my mum would never ask my husband to go to church, so there's nothing wrong with politely saying you'd prefer for her not to ask you. Never mind a church wedding, they're likely to be keen on Catholic schools and of your df went to one, especially a good one then you're going to have to contend with that because in most cities the catholic schools are excellent. It seems fine on principle to say no, but when your child has to go somewhere awful it's funny how it makes people reflect on their choices, just speaking for people I know who are finding themselves in that situation.

Okay - well what DOES it mean? Given that I’m an atheist and you’re not, I would have thought I was in a better position than you to address this. But apparently not.

So come on - enlighten us. I’m SO keen to hear what you have to say.

Still an atheist.

we don’t have a monolith system of belief.

for example, I believe it is possible that a being exists that has something to do with our existence. I can also conceive of an individual that if met by a human would seem like what religions often interpret as a god. I just reject the entire concept that one individual is better or worthy of worship.

if you look at it as a thought experiment. Suppose we exist in some scientists Petri dish and the scientist has the power to pour us down the drain. Should we beg for our lives or should we start a revolution? I want to be the kind of species that stands up for ourselves, not the kind that grovels. We don’t have to use violence. We can use logic to explain why we should not be destroyed, but appealing to the scientists ego is not a worthy path.

Her DP doesn’t attend Church. But It’s not clear whether he has faith or not.

Though I tend to agree that the “just go for MiL’s sake” type posts are poor advice.

Also just call the mother’s behaviour what it is - harassment.

It’s unfathomable to me that somebody thinks it’s acceptable to repeatedly ask somebody to attend something when they have repeatedly said “no”.

How many “no’s” are enough? She’s being disrespectful.

Her DP is not religious. His mother is.

Your partner needs to speak to his Mum and explain to her that he's not interested in attending church now or in the future. He understands her faith is important to her, and that's fine, but it's not to him, and therefore she needs to respect that. Whilst talking to her, he needs to tell her that you aren't religious either, and you won't be attending church. I'm not religious in the slightest, and I only attend church for weddings, funerals and christening - I didn't marry in church or have my son christened. It would annoy me, that someone. Isn't respecting my choices.

😂

Saying ‘it would mean a lot to her’ when she knows you don’t want to go is manipulative, so she’d lose me at that point.

No, stand your ground (nicely) she needs to respect the fact that you are not religious

She is probably trying to ‘convert’ you so when it comes to the time of your own wedding you will have a church ceremony

She sounds a bit interfering and conniving

If you were involved with a Muslim I don't see that as unreasonable

I don't see how that's rogue

I'm a Christian though not a fan of organised religion for the most part so I don't generally go to church much to my mums dismay.

I go on certain special occasions to keep the peace such as Easter and Christmas. She sees it as really nice that her family are together. I make it clear I won't be going every Sunday and she's not to keep asking.

It really depends on how strongly you feel about it - if you genuinely have other plans with your family then you go to that and dp could go to his mums and follow her plans and go to church with her.

I do think it would be a bit unfair if for every holiday occasion you are both only with your family and she's excluded to be honest. I'd be splitting it between you or taking it in turns across the year.

What does your dp feel about this? I think as others have suggested it's important for you both to be clear and open about expectations of each other in relation to family disagreement and future and children etc so you're both on the same page.

I wonder if the people encouraging to “just go if you like your MIL” would do the same if MIL was badgering her to go to the mosque…

God is whatever is the locus of your values - your decision making, your North star... if God does not sit in that throne, something else does. Often money, or pleasure

Yes, still an atheist. A subset of them. I'm not sure there's polling available but I'd think they're likely a relatively small subset (and every positive/stong atheist I'd also a negative/weak atheist in a sense).

"No thanks MIL, I'm not religious."

And repeat.

I would not want to sit and listen to a man pontificating and telling me what to think, and the OP doesn't want to either.

Still an atheist though, albeit a strong/ positive one?
Not being arsey, just interested in the terminlogy

I absolutely agree with this. Stuck Record is the best policy.

And OP you need for your DP to handle this. It’s his mother.

Convince me otherwise, I'm keen to learn