For refusing to go to Church?

Your right to not believe in god is as valid as her right to believe. Don't ever feel obliged to do something you're uncomfortable with for a quiet life, because sure as eggs is eggs you'll comply with her 'church on Sundays' wish then she'll move the goalposts and it'll be she wants you to marry in church, have your children baptised.....

I'm not an atheist, nor a particularly good agnostic - I've too much of an attachment (albeit non-practicing) to the faith I grew up in and for that reason I won't enter any religious building for the purpose of worship unless it's a synagogue. Churches, chapels, mosques, gurdwaras etc are not my place of worship, they belong to others, just as Old Trafford belongs to Manchester United. I visit other people's special places as an invited guest at christenings, weddings and funerals and in the case of minsters and cathedrals, as a tourist, but I'm very conscious that they're not mine.

By the same token, I'd be very angry and defensive if someone tried to bounce me into attending an act of worship with them. It would suggest that they had no respect for me or what I believed in. The fact that you don't have an alternate religious belief system you can flourish under your FMiL's nose doesn't make her behaviour any more acceptable. You don't want to go to church and pretend to believe things that have no meaning to you. That should be enough for her.

This is probably it, go once or twice a year to do something she likes to do

Just because she is asking you both to go doesn't mean you both have to go. Just say 'I'm atheist but your DS is welcome to go with you if he wants'. Is he allowing his mum to assume you are stopping him from going because its easier than having to tell her he doesn't want to go either? We are the other way round. My Mum thought my DH would just change his mind ( even though he comes from a long line of atheists and was brought up atheist). We did marry in church and my children are baptised though ( wedding for family, baptism because I did actually want them baptised)

And maybe add, if she continues to hassle, that it’s disrespectful for believers not to accept that other people think differently to them.
The respect nearly always seems to be in one direction, doesn’t it?

Never ever change who you are and your values to please other people. If you weren't an atheist and were Jewish/Hindu/Muslim she would not be mithering you to go to Church. If that was my MIL she would be getting told. Have a good think about how this is going to pan out now you are engaged. She is grooming you for a church wedding in a catholic church. Before you know it you'll be having to go to church every week so you can have a church wedding. Stand firm now and tell her firmly you don't want to go to church now or ever.

Its a very fair point and worth giving thought to.

Think about this, OP.
I am not saying this is definitely true in your situation, OP, perhaps you are not even planning on having children.
But sometimes, people that grew up in a religion, and then don't follow the religion/practice the religion when they are adults, they find that when they eventually have children, they want to go back to the religion, they become more religious, they might want to start practice the religion.
There might be a feeling of "I want my children to have the same up-bringing as I had".

I have seen it happening to a friend of mine, her husband was not religious, but went back to the religion of his childhood when they had kids. Now the whole family is religious, my friend too. It was non-negotiable for the husband.

This might not be the case for you and your fiancé, but I wanted to write it anyway.

I wish you all the best!

Does the church ever host any community events that aren't "acts of worship"?

If so, I think it'd be a nice thing to do to offer to go along to some of those with MIL, from time to time, without actually having to go to any services. Not that you should feel obligated even then, but it might build (or shore-up) some bridges without requiring you to pretend you're interested in the faith itself.

Stop being so polite. Tell her you think the whole thing is an anachronistic combination of wishful thinking and fear of death,

Hell no

It’s almost as though atheists simply didn’t believe in gods and had practically nothing else in common with each other.

I am a non churchgoer but would call myself religious. I think you are being more respectful of her religious beliefs and of religion in general by refusing to go to church and play pretend. If she raises it with you directly, that would be my approach.

I dont do religion, I respect those who do but expect them to respect that I do not. The older I get, the more I see churches as a money making scheme. My PIL attended church several times each week, visited the sick and elderly, carried out church duties as a sidesman and treasurer etc etc. When they became too ill to attend, nobody bothered to visit apart from the person who popped the collection envelopes through the door each week and knocked to collect them until we started to put them in the bin after we found they were donating a lot of money each month and they were too unwell to answer the door. Nobody bothered to visit when they moved into a care home. My FIL died recently, it was a church funeral. I read a poem, did not sing or pray but was respectful. I escaped the church without shaking hands with the vicar because they did not know my FIL and added bits to the eulogy which they felt were appropriate. They also charged to put the heating on! I attend church weddings, funerals and christenings rarely but when I do it is out of respect for the people requesting my attendance and nothing more.

Practising Catholic here- we welcome everyone but I don’t think it’s considered a good idea to go to Church just to appease one’s parents/in-laws. Sort of misses the point of Church altogether.

Say you'll go then as you approach the church shout, "No mummy no!" And start floundering around.

Just keep saying no and let your DP do whatever he wants to do, whether that's attend to keep the peace or tell her no as well.

It's annoying, being bagered about doing something you don't want to do, but it's just a case of saying no thanks every time.

As an atheist I couldn’t sit in a church for any reason, however ‘nice’ the person pressuring me is.
It isn’t something I could ever countenance - religion is not a benign force in my book. OP might feel the same.

It's a shame she's so pushy but maybe you're being too stubborn too.
I would go to the place of worship of a different religion as a once a year thing for in laws. But then doing anything out if respect for in laws is not fashionable these days.

If you're afraid she will then push for. More, I'd be upfront and say "I'm happy to go once a year with you but please respect my wishes by not asking further".

If your DH doesn't want to attend at all he's the one who needs to have the chat with his mum.

This is about you having kids. She will want them raised catholic. Your DP needs to have the conversation with her now and make clear you wont be getting married in church or baptising any kids , if that’s the case, don’t let it drag on causing upset.

Yeah this. The OP absolutely must NOT go.

That's funny, because my brother is a committed atheist, and he would rather stick pins in his eyes, shit in his hands and clap, and swallow ground glass than set foot in a Church service. No matter how much anyone mithered or begged or whined, he would NEVER go.

Another thread where the responses are testament to the dire standard of reading comprehension on Mumsnet.

Yes but is the risk of this that MIL will feel emboldened to keep up the pressure? Unless this was phrased very carefully like this is a one-off? OP has said MIL wants them to attend weekly which is quite a commitment for an atheist! OP can could always join a choir if she wants a good sing.

Keep digging your heels in @TheGreyPony DO NOT BE BULLIED by her. She sounds insufferable, and she is trying to convert you. Don't get involved with the Church. Once you're in it's really hard to leave, and the people you thought were friends in the Church will ignore you in the street when you leave. I have seen it happen.

Also, you're a non-believer, and your DP sounds like one too pretty much. And that is your right (and his!) Keep grey rocking your MIL, and changing the subject, and tell your DP to tell her to stop nagging and whining and begging you to go because it's not going to happen.

Not gonna lie, you have my sympathy marrying into this family, with a mother in law like her. 😬 If you DO marry your DP, I would consider moving 200+ miles away!!!