For refusing to go to Church?

@TheGreyPony What your partner's mother wants is irrelevant here.

Looking at the bigger picture for a second: if your DP wants a church wedding (or at least a blessing), you usually a connection to the church e.g. you were christened there, attend services there or it's your local church. You don't do a big declaration of believing in God; it's just a place where you can legally get married. So even though your DP doesn't really practice, it could be that she still attends for that reason and because her mum always took her. But going at just Easter/Christmas covers this. I am exactly the same - I go Easter and Christmas, and my husband came along for the few years we were engaged. He doesn't really believe in God. I'm a bit agnostic, but it felt weird not to have a religious wedding. We still do the midnight mass. Each to their own.

As for going every Sunday - tell your MIL that you won't be going on Sundays, ever. You don't even need to give her a reason. If she wants to show you off to her church buddies, she can learn to deal.

The important thing is to support your DP's choices, and try to balance them with yours -- and that your DP does the same back. That's basically what a lot of marriage is - just saying to your partner "I want to do this thing, I need your support to do that".

That means your DP sticking up for you when your MIL kicks off, and you going at Christmas/whatever if DP asks and says it's important to her. If your DP couldn't give a shit if you're there or not, leave it to her to deal with her mother.

I agree. You really need to sort this out with your fiance before you get married. He needs to speak to his mother and tell her that you will not be going to church because you are atheist. This is the easy argument. If you are persuaded to marry in a Catholic church your husband has to promise to bring up any children as Catholic. Going to church will be a slippery slope unless he lays the law down with his mother. Also, I did not go to church when I married, but I was surprised how much I did want my children to at least be introduced to Catholicism. Mainly because it's a huge part of mine (and their) cultural identity. I have gone back to going to church at Christmas and Easter. If DH and his family werent such strident atheists, I think I would go more often. I would never have contemplated this when I married 20 years ago.

This is something I have found with a lot of religious people. They are unable to respect and understand others beliefs/nom beliefs. It’s their beliefs only.
as an atheist I respect others to believe what they want and to behave how they want. Thank god all you like for yourself. But I have noticed they are unable to give that same respect back. They often are judgmental and lacking that basic awareness that other opinions are valid too.
Be firm and ask her politely to cease and desist the constant requests. I wouldn’t as some have suggested go to appease her. What a waste of precious time. Church is only ever worth it if you are a believer.

Plus if you live in an area where the Catholic school is the best one there will definitely be pressure to do the necessary things in order to get into that school. You may find your husband is suddenly much more interested ( or wants your children christened into the Catholic faith at birth.....just in case it's useful. Before you know it they'll be older and going to confirmation classes)

I think you have to realise that your future in-laws' religion is a large part of who they are. It is, in their eyes, a very positive part. By inviting you to share that part of their lives with you they are actually being very welcoming.
Because of her belief system your future mil will never stop wanting her son to go back to her church.
This really is up to your fiancé to address. He needs to talk to her and explain that you do not share her beliefs and ask her to stop inviting you to church. He needs to explain that you value your beliefs (atheism) as much as she does hers.
You both need to have a chat re wedding ceremonies and future children so that he can tell her from the start that you will not be getting married in church nor will any children be baptised. I expect that she will be sad but I'm sure she will get over it.

Exactly. I just couldn't sit there and listen to the readings and prayers. I would just hate it.

She's being unreasonable trying to force her customs on to you. You understand that it's important to her, but she doesn't seem to have made any effort to understand that it's not something you want to do.

Change it to a different religion eg Sikhism and see how it affects your response. I think I would go for the special services for her but not weekly. It obviously mattters to her.

Most practicing religious people raise their children in their faith in the hope that they will continue to practice it. In some branches of Christianity it's seen as normal for young people to drift away from church as teenagers but come back when it's time to raise their own families.

I think your future MIL could be struggling with this not happening for her DS and this is why she's trying to get you to go to church. There's nothing wrong with attending the church services as a guest as long as you don't take part in certain restricted parts.

However I think it's important not to give this woman false hope. I agree with PP, it may turn into a case of you give a little and she demands more and more of you like a Catholic wedding you don't want or raising any children you may have in the faith.

@Apricotfuzz
I should have said - my post at 6.42 was in answer to your earlier post. Apologies - realised the quote had fallen off.

IME people that go to RC Church fall into different categories:

1. Those that believe and find it helps them with their faith, but don’t get involved other than turning up
2. Those that want their kids to get into the local RC schools (when these are perceived as better than the other local schools) and stop going once their DC have got their secondary school places
3. Those that practice performative Catholicism in that they get involved with running things in their Church and are in it for the prestige of attaining some kind of Papal award
4. Those that are really devout and want to help by volunteering with the running things, but regularly get ordered around by their performative peers to do all the grafting work involved

As you can tell, I have some history with the RC Church, so my cynicism comes from observation - which caused me to decide to stop going (because the observed hypocrisy was giving me murderous thoughts), and just work on myself, to be the best person I could be, mainly in line with my Christian upbringing…

Why on earth do atheists need a proper understanding of a God that doesn't exist before they can say that they don't believe in God?

Invite them over for coffee? Take them to lunch? Have a picnic?

What a load of 💩.
We all have different understanding/interpretation of God.
This kind of supercilious attitude is why a lot of people hate Christians and people of other religious.
Just because I believe in God doesn't make me somehow more rational, omniscient, intelligent nor cognisant than an Atheist.

OP can show her respect in other ways. Surely, even if OP agreed to attend a couple of times a year, her MIL wouldn't believe that OP was now going to heaven?

What if OP was Muslim or Jewish? Would she still need to attend a Catholic church service for the sake of her MIL?

As demonstrated on another thread that is active right now, it could be the thin end of the wedge and MIL could start lobbying for a wedding in a Catholic Church, a Catholic christening for the any children OP may have, taking the children to church and insisting on them attending a Catholic school.

Non belief is a protected characteristic which OP's MIL should respect.

If she’s a true Catholic, she won’t want someone to pretend they believe.

I find your second comment a bit odd.
I'm an atheist with a very good understanding of Christianity and the Christian perception of God. (Theology degree helped with that).
You presumably are a Hindu atheist? A Sikh atheist? An Islam atheist? A disbeliever in Zeus or Ra or Odin? Someone who rejects Shintoism perhaps? How good an understanding of those faiths do you have in order to reject them over yours?

However I digress.
OP - you obviously won't 'catch Christianity' if you go to church occasionally to keep your MIL happy. I go to church every Sunday because I sing in the church choir - call me a hypocrite if you like - but I enjoy it and others appreciate what I do.

I've always reckoned that doing things that make other people happy (which to be honest are only at minor or no inconvenience to myself) are worth doing. So OP - in your position I'd go occasionally for you MIL's benefit.

I think the hardest thing with atheists is the God they reject is not the one which Christians believe in. I have never met an atheist with a proper understanding of God.

What a load of old cods.

Why would you deliberately choose to be preached at about a religion you don’t follow or believe is worthwhile?

I am presuming that getting you into church is the first hurdle.
Once you have gone once then you have no excuse to not go again and again and then it will be a Catholic Church wedding followed by christenings for children etc etc

If you go once then you are on the slippery slope with no way to get off

Family experience of this.

This is so sanctimonious. I've been an atheist for a vast majority of my life. I've heard over and over from religious people claiming that they know what's in my head and heart better than me. I get why people are religious. I understand why they believe. I just don't and never will. I also will not be browbeat into attending church for anything other than a funeral or a wedding.

Go to church Op
Pray to God that your DH develops the gumption that will enable him to he sit down calmly with his mother and kindly explain that neither of you will be attending this Sunday, next Sunday or indeed any Sunday. However that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to see her and spend time with her, just not at church.

so that this doesn’t carry on for another 4 years

I have been known to throw my arms around one of my children and hug them, without asking them for a hug.

In many workplaces it would cost me my job…

I don’t tend to view interaction with my family as akin with my interaction with my colleagues @BelfastBard

I don't think so at all. Everyone is welcome as long as they behave respectfully.

I think the hardest thing with atheists is the God they reject is not the one which Christians believe in. I have never met an atheist with a proper understanding of God.

Those saying that OP should "just go, it's only a couple of times a year, it's important to MIL, she wants her friends to meet you etc" as an atheist I would agree if it was anything other than a religious service.

I would happily go to some church coffee morning, or a meet up with her church friends but I would never sit through a formal church service other than a funeral (or a wedding for someone I really cared about) no matter who was asking. I don't think non-athiests can really understand how it burns you up inside to sit through such utter nonsense, even once a year.