To be mad at husband

pack hi of with the children and stay home and have a well earned rest - unless of course he didn't mean just you don't come did? did he mean you and the children stay hoe then and he goes on his own?

So really he's on holiday from work and his kids but you aren't. I would be so annoyed at being left on my own with in-laws. He should have asked his parents to babysit and invited you along. I'd be furious. You'd have a better time at home.

He is outright telling you he doesn’t care anout you or the time you are having. Stop going to visit his family. He treats you like the hired traveling nanny. And he ignores the children. So what is in it for you?

Next time let him go and take both the DC with him, you’ll have a better time at home on your own.

i bet you don’t take him to your parents house and leave him there with your parents and both kids and go out on a bender without inviting him, do you?

How would he react if you did?

To be honest OP, I can't believe how wet you're being, sounds like you're sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, but not doing anything to improve things. Is there a language problem with your IL's? Is that why you don't feel you can ask them to babysit? If you were having trouble getting the baby to settle, why not take him/her out in the buggy, I've always found that this has helped, and it would solve two problems in one.

Do you let your DH rule the roost about everything at home, or is it just on holiday?

But there is a lot of martyrdom in this post too. He said he would get parents to babysit and he hasn't why isn't she saying what plans have you made to take me out and get his to babysit???
Of course he wants to spend time with friends and family while he's there. Wouldn't you? He's excited and probably quite pressured to get around everyone she needs to speak up

OP hasn't said that she never sees her friends or family. If she does, it's unlikely to be 12 days straight, but possibly 12 days every 6 months so equivalent. She does say her husband doesn't go out when he's in the UK.

It's not unreasonable for him to see his friends when he goes home. Perhaps it's best that OP doesn't go on any future trips and her husband takes the children with him. His parents/siblings can build their relationships with them and look after them for a couple of nights while he socialises with his friends. OP can have a proper break and time to herself.

When we go “home” and catch up with friends these days, it’s often in the afternoon or early evening and everyone’s children are in attendance. None of us are carefree 20-something’s anymore. We are parents with families. Our socializing reflects that.

When my DH and I visit his home town he doesn't prioritise time with me. It doesn't bother me, there's time for that when we're at home, his time there is to catch up with friends and family. Maybe he should have solo trips there and you have holidays together elsewhere.

Yeah this isn't fair. I think a couple nights out would be okay, but not leaving you to look after the kids by yourself all week while he does nothing, that's just selfish. I don't think it should be seen as a holiday as such, but it's exhausting to look after children in an unfamiliar environment and so it's actually just extra work for you.

She’s not stopping him doing anything he is stopping her doing anything by being a selfish prick if she sees her family or friends it’s unlikely to be for 12 days straight and leaving her dc with him so he’s trapped. he is basically isolating her and ignoring his responsibilities how some people come here saying you cannot stop him bla bla she is saying she wants to go with him or be involved he is basically ignoring her. Is that acceptable? Ignoring his parental responsibilities because he’s seeing family in another country. I don’t think so.

Do you live near your family?
How often do you see them or your friends? Does he watch the kids so you can go out with your friends?

How are you going to feel if he starts refusing to watch the kids so you can go out or refusing to go to your family events? That's what you're doing to him.

She and the dc are his family and he should have made sure she’s getting more of a break. Because the result is she won’t go and the net result is she is more distanced from him because he’s selfish and his family don’t know his wife and children (& later when a bit older he will have to look after his children on his own if the op doesn’t come- bet he will suddenly amazingly manage to ask his parents to babysit then!)

I wouldn’t be going next time, and also before he goes leaving the kids with him and going out a few times. It’s very selfish of him and the end result will be his family don’t know his children. Which is because he reverts to being a selfish child when he goes so you won’t come along any more.

I wouldn't be going back. If he wants the kids to come he can take them. He's had enough chances.

His kids should be though. He’s acting like he’s got no responsibility Still it’s not nice being left alone with 2 kids why would you think this was ok? She’s the one stuck with his family but she is his family and should be treated as such.

Only once did I put up with this. I have refused to visit since and said he can go on his own or take the kids. A pity because I like my in laws and the country but can't stand being treated as an unpaid nanny with no right to any enjoyment.

He's back home visiting friends and family. That's what he's doing. You aren't his priority at that time tbh

I'm part of an Anglo - European couple... We're 20 plus years in..

We've changed how we do it... After lots of resentment!

His family are welcoming, but we have zero in common apart from DP- I speak the language well enough but en masse it's a nightmare for my comprehension as they speak in dialect... I have gone 8 hours at weddings and have understood precisely nada. If I'm with his pals I can understand more /join in

This is in no way a holiday!! Now his parents are very elderly - it's even worse... Beginning of dementia, I spent the last visit cleaning. Very rural with limited supoortm

For some years now I only go every other visit. I stay in UK and do my own thing

This makes it more tolerable and I am less resentful as a result!

Take him at his word, don't go again. You're literally just there to do childcare so his family can see the children and he can have a holiday.

His family will want to see the children again so in future, just send them all off to the airport with a cheerful wave. Remind him what he said this time, "don't come", well OK then, don't.

Enjoy the peace and quiet 😁

You need to leave the kids with him for a week and go somewhere where you get to have fun and socialise and let your hair down.

He’s being a selfish prick it’s like you don’t matter is he like this at home.

I would use the time to plan a trip away with your family /friends when you get back. Doesn't have to be costly.. But you deserve a break too.

I massively disagree with this. I moved abroad to my husband's home country, and we go home to visit my family and friends about twice a year. I would never dream of treating my husband the way that the OPs husband is treating her.
It's true that the holidays might be spent with a goal in mind if seeing lots of friends and family, so they can get hectic which isn't very relaxing. But I would never feel that this takes priority EVERY NIGHT over my OH and very young children. That's just good responsible parenting and partnering, which any mature person should be able to recognise.

Tell him he needs to take care of the baby whilst you chill with in laws.

Stop facilitating him all the time.