Am I being deluded to think I can do this job as the main caregiver for DS?

pass probation and then put in a flexible working request if you still think you’d like it then you’ll know the lay of the land and whether it’s likely to be approved. Worst case scenario stick it out a year and apply for a more flexible job from a position of salary strength

Take job one and see how it rolls sounds absolutely fine. If you have 1 day a week working from home anyway you’ll be all set up if you need to have an extra working from home if dc is ill.

@Usally it would be very weird for an employer to withdraw a job offer simply for a request for .8

I’d operate on the basis that the worst they can say is no. Plus you have another offer even if they do.

You haven’t said if DH can do more? Will he do pick ups, drop off etc? If you can get in early and leave early (for example) this makes a huge difference.

I’m a sole parent & work FT in a senior corporate job (kids aged 6 & 10). I’ve been full time since my kids were 3 & 7 and my exH was not very helpful so yes it can be done. That said - if you can afford it, a nanny is a godsend. I did a mixture of nanny + crèche.

I’d have said you were better off getting in there, establishing credibility and then seeing where there are tweaks.

Well I didn’t push, treaded water and you can miss the window - I waited and waited until my youngest was 10, and there’s always something, it’s always a juggle. As for job 1 or 2 I’ve found the company culture makes all the difference not the actual terms @Usally . You may hit a bad run of child sickness, if the 4 days a week job has a supportive culture it’ll be fine.

you’ll regret it if you don’t try for one of them. Do you have any other local backup?

I went back when DC was 4 into the office and burnt out doing the whole of the mental load and a job that was full on professionally. When you take into account the increase in tax if you are on £68k, it's not a lot.

I work from home now and it's perfect. My salary is higher although it took longer to get there (now it all goes in pensions contributions) but there is a benefit to being home to slap the slow cooker on whilst you boil the kettle, hang up laundry at lunch.

People who say "get a cleaner, get a gardener". Yes. True. But it's not EVERY DAY. I still have the kids in ASC until 5pm or 5.30pm so I can work efficiently but I'm around on odd nights to have playdates and facilitate their school social lives. I wasn't when I was in the office full time and I found the guilt a real struggle.

Job 1. If you're gonna cause yourself any extra hassle, gun for the bigger pay rise whilst doing it.

I think it’s definitely do-able. One sticking point for me would be in your DC is off ill as presumably you can currently manage the odd day having the off ill while you wfh. Can your DH do any sick days? We are scrupulous about sharing days off 50/50 when the kids are ill (we both work not from home).

I understand your hesitancy OP.

Not easy being alone and working as it is. Working from home is massively helpful when it comes to little ones. It depends on how you feel about your current job, is it making you unhappy? How important is the pay rise?

You say your career is stagnating. In your position, I would do everything I could to reverse that. So, I would take job number one and use as much of the pay rise as I needed to make the rest of my life easier. Even if you use it all on cleaners, gardeners, extra child care etc. it means you are investing in the next several decades of your career.

This is particularly important as you don't appear to be married. At the moment, your partner is increasing his earning power and paying for it with your time. If he decides to leave you at any point, you will really regret not having done everything possible to progress your own career.

I’d take job 1, sounds like a no brainer. I’ve always worked full time and will be going back from 2nd mat leave doing the same. I have 4 days in with a much longer commute than you, and 1 day from home. Admittedly husband does do some drop offs. It’s busy but fine so long as you have good childcare arrangements and it gets easier as they get older. I still feel like I get enough time as ‘mum’. Go for it!

You're in a power position with a comfortable job and 2 good offers on the table, so can you negotiate? Have you asked about part time working / flexible working / more days WFH. My current job was advertised as full time so i was amazed they offered it to me part time. If you don't ask you don't get.

I'd take job 1 and start scoping out childminders who do school pickups and holiday cover. That's what we did and it made the transition to school a breeze. And if you get a good childminder who is local they may babysit etc. For us it was more expensive than nursery/wraparound, cheaper than a nanny, and made both of us working ft in full on jobs really doable.

Both are doable. Lots of people manage full-time and nursery pick-ups with less flexibility. I did as a lone parent.

I think you also need to consider how things will work in a year or so when having to fit in school. I personally found wrap around care far more stressful because it it patchy (at best) and more limiting. Same with school holidays- finding holiday clubs was a nightmare!

Then think about which company is the best fit for you at this stage in your career. So scope for progression, pension, staff benefits (sick pay and carers leave for example) and culture within the company etc. Increased pay is great on paper but sometimes it is at a cost to other things.

Sorry - just realised that you said. 25 minutes doesn’t sound problematic unless it is the type of journey where something regularly happens traffic wise that makes 25 minutes into two hours.

No, I said that because when I had two kids under 3 and my husband worked away for months at a time I managed with 5 day office week ( as was the norm then) the money is a bonus you can invest for their future

How far away is the office and how do you get there? When mine were little it was pre COVID so everyone was in the office all the time. (1 day a week working from home was brought in as an option when mine were about 8 and 5 but the technology was not fully there so I didn’t bother.) However, it wasn’t a big deal for me as I only worked 2 miles from home and could cycle to work and so was not impacted by train strikes or traffic jams.

Job 1. I don’t really understand what’s not doable about it!

Agree job 1 is doable.
I'm in the office 4 days a week, work is 45mins from nursery, and nursery is 5mins from home.
It's a lot to manage, and weeks are full on but I don't think it would feel any easier if I was much closer to work. If work are flexible to do the nursery run then great!