Am I being deluded to think I can do this job as the main caregiver for DS?

@Usally I work from home on Fridays. I actually prefer being in the office generally because that's where the team are and I'm in a job with lots of colleague interaction and meetings.
Obviously this varies job to job but I would say that many jobs I've comes across have more flexibility in reality than they do on paper. I have colleagues who work from home more days albeit if they asked for it to be written into their contract the answer would be no.
Finally when I was on mat leave and going back to work, and NCT friend said to me that no decision is permanent - and the decision you make with this job doesn't tie you in to much more than a few years. So some posters are talking about school years...you can deal with that in the future, change job, take a step back, increase childcare - you don't need to make a decision now based on school years!

How would your tax burden change for each role?
What are the pension contributions from each employer?
Are other benefits comparable to?
Look at the figures and make the choice then.

If you take a 28k pay rise, plus a car allowance, will that take you out of childcare support? I assume not as your post implies your husband earns more than you and you already earn well.

I think for me it would be about working out what would give me the time and headspace to manage it. So, in my case, that would be about not having to think about cleaning/doing the washing by outsourcing to someone who did the thinking as well as the doing. And preferably to get home to a decent cooked meal a couple of days a week. You might have different things that weigh on you.

Take job one and prove your worth. You'll have time to establish a track record before school starts and you need flexibility.

Mine do wrap around and breakfast club but holidays are a nightmare because there are almost no holiday clubs that actually give the hours working parents need.

That's not an issue for me because I've got an established track record with my current employer so can easily be flexible when needed. Officially we do three days a week in the office, I can't do it in school holidays unless I work a shorter day, and it's not an issue.

Agree re school age - which is why I’d push now when actually you have better cover, find a local babysitter, and negotiate down the line for more flex from a stronger position. The early primary years feels like they are trying to break working parents - endless events, projecfs, random days.

I don’t think there’s an issue with it currently- the problem will be at school age. The hours are much less than nursery …

In these situations, i rely on my gut feeling. I totally understand your conflict. Good luck whatever you decide!

Take job one. Yes it’ll be tough for a few years but if you get good childcare in place before your DC starts school then it is perfectly doable. If you have sufficient space, could you consider an au pair for additional help at home?

I used to have Wednesday as my non work day when DS was little. That way I knew I’d only have two busy days in a row, then a day to catch up a bit.

If it doesn’t work out after you’ve tried it for six months or so, then ask to reduce your hours.

Job 1. No question.

You don’t do anything until you’re certain it will work?

Reading your posts you sound quite nervous about asking them to accommodate your needs, is that imposter syndrome or common in your industry? If you've already got 2 offers on the table, you've obviously got skills worth hiring. Personally I think its disingenuous to take a full time job knowing you plan to ask for part time a year down the line, I'd have an upfront conversation now explaining you're keen, and can make 5 days a week work, however you'd be able to do xyz with an alternative working pattern. My new employer gave me part time as I could do the advertised full time job in my part time hours, and it saved them 0.2 of a salary, so I got slightly more per hour than they'd advertised and they were still under budget, it was win win for everyone.
Also, if the culture means you cant have a grown up conversation about working patterns, what are you going to do when nursery call?

Job 1 - I basically agree with the other posters.

But also consider getting some additional childcare help. Maybe someone locally your son could build a relationship with that can continue through to early school years? Could he do two half days with a childminder/part time nanny now that would continue on post nursery?

Good points actually by @bumblingbovine49 – if they withdraw the offer if you ask about 4 days then yes, sounds like somewhere to avoid anyway.

I would think tho if it can be done as a 4-day role. For some roles that's difficult. I have certainly worked in roles that would not really have been practicable part time. Would you need to get all your work done in four days? Or would it be OK to delegate to another colleague for the fifth day?

I don't understand the reluctance to ask about 4 days a week or more flexibility on working from home. There are ways to ask that test the water as to the employers predisposition to be flexible . Surely that is an important factor in your decision ?

I'd be happy in job 1 in a place where I know that ( subject to meeting the job needs of course) there is some flexibility to work from home or change working hours temporarily if I needed to occasionally. Much less happy if the place was in of those very rigid employers I hear so much about on here.

Asking about things like that before accepting are fine and the answers can tell you a lot about the sort of place it is to work in.

As to 4 days a week instead of full time , I have been asked that as a manager interviewing in a role and have said the job needs to be done as is. If they feel able to do it in 4 days they can but the parameters of the job won't change. Sometimes people accept that and work 4 days anyway , though I'd say they end up working the same amount for less pay overall but having more flexibility about when they work. That is their choice . Others choose to work full time.

You don't need to say yoi have to have 4 days a week, just ask if they would be open to rhe idea. They can only say no. If they withdraw a job offer just because you ask about the mere possibility of doing the job in 4 days a week, would you really want to work for them? I'd say you dodged a bullet instead

You also have the second job as a backup plan.

This - take job 1 and see how it goes. Easier to ask for flexible working or PT once they know how amazing you are and want to keep you. Plus you will see if it part of the company culture,

I would have no issue with doing this @Usally – I worked FT in the office five days a week when my DC were younger than yours. I agree tho look at school care as that is harder in some ways. Best of luck.

@Usally that’s good to hear re savings - the opportunity cost is probably higher than that for you though! I've been there, and after that there are a million school projects, school events, friendship dramas, endless school holidays and random closure days to fit in - in fact I’m exactly in the same spot as you, salary wise except my dc are 10 and 14, and now redundancies looming as takeover happened, and I’m mid 40s…and have been plodding for years. And most of the team I work in including boss are now in their 30s.

I turned down promotion twice when dc2 was 2 and 4 and I wish I’d pushed on…going pt from a higher salary and better position is a better option.

there are an awful lot of women in mid and senior positions in what I do, with dc now - that wasn’t the case 10 years ago.

That’s hard @Usally but take it from me it can be done! I’m 5 days in the office with 2 x kids.

Youre allowed to apply and then make up your mind, it’s a job offer not a blood oath to hand over your first born.

A year in a job is fine if you have a track record of longer duration in other places and a good reason for moving on.

Think of school, life is a lot easier when they are in nursery (even taking into account bugs!) How will you and DH cover school holidays, drop offs, pick ups?

In our local area only 1 school offers holiday clubs and other clubs available don’t cover enough hours to cover work and commute time.

Negotiate with them. If you don't ask you don't get. Don't be apologetic with asking. Tell them you would like to discuss possibility of working from home 2 or 3 days a week then push it down to 1.

It’s obvious @Usally wants to take the jobs and is having a wobble now the offers are in, understandably. And if I was not married, there’s no way I wouldn’t take job 1. I hope your dp is paying extra money into savings for you or dc for the extra responsibility you have…

it’s not just about the money those jobs are clearly a significant jump in level and responsibility

I would have thought about all this BEFORE I applied, not waited until I got an offer risking wasting people's time.