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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s fair to judge people on their appearance in certain situations?

232 replies

ThisQuickLemonPoster · 11/04/2025 19:20

If someone shows up to a job interview in a stained hoodie or if a teacher is overweight and unkempt, it does affect how seriously I take them. AIBU to think “don’t judge a book by its cover” only goes so far?

OP posts:
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PinkArt · 13/04/2025 20:00

SergeantDawkins · 13/04/2025 14:15

You can’t judge how healthy someone is by looking at them. You literally can’t.

Exactly. I had my 40+ MOT when I was morbidly obese. The only issue from all those tests was a deficiency in a couple of vitamins, resolved with supplements. In contrast the only major health scare in my life was a pulmonary embolism when I was a healthy BMI. I looked healthy, but had been walking around at risk of a stroke or heart attack and was becoming out of breath just walking through to the kitchen.
Yes obesity does often have health implications but it is never, ever as simple as fatties are ticking health bombs and thin people are glowing with health.

SquashedSquid · 13/04/2025 19:20

fuckingangrybirdbrows · 13/04/2025 17:58

Entirely depends on what the job is. Looking after pre-schoolers - probably an issue.

So all my qualifications in education (first degree, master's, Doctorate) and my 25+ years of experience wouldn't matter to you, because I'm fat? How shallow.

I'm assuming you'd think the same about my wheelchair, then.

XenoBitch · 13/04/2025 19:20

StrangerThings1 · 13/04/2025 18:42

But I suppose you think you can be overweight and healthy at the same time, I’m sure many medics would disagree with you, as I said previously if you are overweight you are putting unnecessary pressure on your internal organs and skeletal frame so you are therefore damaging your body
A damaged body = an unhealthy body

What is overweight based on? BMI? You can be 0.1 into the overweight category and your weight be deemed unhealthy?
For years, I was on the border of normal and overweight BMI. I was healthy. I just had wide hips and a big arse. My BMI changed category weekly.
I though a BMI of 40+ was considered morbidly obese... as in there will be co-morbid conditions due to the weight. Someone just into the overweight category wont suddenly be unhealthy.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 13/04/2025 18:48

StrangerThings1 · 13/04/2025 18:42

But I suppose you think you can be overweight and healthy at the same time, I’m sure many medics would disagree with you, as I said previously if you are overweight you are putting unnecessary pressure on your internal organs and skeletal frame so you are therefore damaging your body
A damaged body = an unhealthy body

YOU said the phrase "healthy overweight". Not me.

StrangerThings1 · 13/04/2025 18:42

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 13/04/2025 18:38

Even you can't think that given you've said both these things:

Depends on how overweight they were and if they looked like a healthy overweight or not.

And:

Being overweight is never healthy.

You can't use the term healthy overweight, say it's never healthy to be overweight and then say you're being factually correct, because they contradict one another and so cannot both be facts.

These are your own words and yet you think you are the one making sense.

But I suppose you think you can be overweight and healthy at the same time, I’m sure many medics would disagree with you, as I said previously if you are overweight you are putting unnecessary pressure on your internal organs and skeletal frame so you are therefore damaging your body
A damaged body = an unhealthy body

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 13/04/2025 18:38

StrangerThings1 · 13/04/2025 18:33

What I’m saying is factually correct and you are well aware of that

Even you can't think that given you've said both these things:

Depends on how overweight they were and if they looked like a healthy overweight or not.

And:

Being overweight is never healthy.

You can't use the term healthy overweight, say it's never healthy to be overweight and then say you're being factually correct, because they contradict one another and so cannot both be facts.

These are your own words and yet you think you are the one making sense.

StrangerThings1 · 13/04/2025 18:33

SergeantDawkins · 13/04/2025 18:23

I’m going to stop interacting with you now because all your information and opinions are just embarrassingly old fashioned, massively outdated.

You can’t tell if someone is a “healthy overweight” - that is a term you just invented to justify judging a person’s body based on absolutely nothing but your own opinion.

What I’m saying is factually correct and you are well aware of that

SergeantDawkins · 13/04/2025 18:23

StrangerThings1 · 13/04/2025 18:12

No you are incorrect, It is never healthy to be overweight / obese, for one things it puts a lot more pressure on your internal organs and your skeletal frame

I’m going to stop interacting with you now because all your information and opinions are just embarrassingly old fashioned, massively outdated.

You can’t tell if someone is a “healthy overweight” - that is a term you just invented to justify judging a person’s body based on absolutely nothing but your own opinion.

SergeantDawkins · 13/04/2025 18:19

fuckingangrybirdbrows · 13/04/2025 18:13

Yes. You can.

You literally can’t though! Without knowing someone’s medical history, seeing inside them, their family history, blood work, fitness- you literally don’t know how healthy ANYONE is by looking at them. Size alone is not an indicator of internal health, we have known this for a long time. It may be one of many health markers but you cannot tell, just by looking at someone’s size alone, their health.
People who think that they can tell if someone is “a healthy overweight” are judgemental or deluded.

fuckingangrybirdbrows · 13/04/2025 18:13

SergeantDawkins · 13/04/2025 18:00

No. You can’t.

To remind you of your comment I originally replied to
“Depends on how overweight they were and if they looked like a healthy overweight or not”
I repeat, you cannot tell if someone is healthy or not by looking at their size.

A “healthy overweight” is something you have just made up based on your own preconceptions and judgements, but you cannot tell an overweight person’s health any more than you can a thin person.

Even a doctor can’t.

Edited

Yes. You can.

SergeantDawkins · 13/04/2025 18:13

fuckingangrybirdbrows · 13/04/2025 14:28

Yes you can!

In fact, what we perceive as beautiful has roots in what's healthy. Shiny hair, clear skin, fit body, even facial features etc. The list is endless.

When someone is bright red and out of breath from walking up the stairs, you can see they are unhealthy.

Why are people denying this basic fact?

Because having shiny hair and being out of breath are not weight related. Thin people get out of breath.

That poster said “..if they looked like a healthy overweight or not”

Not whether their behaviour indicated their health. Which you still can’t tell from size because fat fitness influencers exist and they are a hell of a lot healthier than most people commenting on here. Overweight people do ultramarathons that your average thinner person couldn’t.

You can’t tell someone’s health by their weight alone. You can’t!

StrangerThings1 · 13/04/2025 18:12

SergeantDawkins · 13/04/2025 18:08

FYI I edited my previous comment as you replied

But, no, you are incorrect. You are incorrect.

Your opinion of what a “healthy overweight” looks like exists in your head only. It’s judgement not fact.

Edited

No you are incorrect, It is never healthy to be overweight / obese, for one things it puts a lot more pressure on your internal organs and your skeletal frame

BethDuttonYeHaw · 13/04/2025 18:09

Stained and unkempt - yes

overweight - no

SergeantDawkins · 13/04/2025 18:08

StrangerThings1 · 13/04/2025 18:05

You are incorrect but I think others have also pointed this out to you so there is no point in me saying anything further

FYI I edited my previous comment as you replied

But, no, you are incorrect. You are incorrect.

Your opinion of what a “healthy overweight” looks like exists in your head only. It’s judgement not fact.

StrangerThings1 · 13/04/2025 18:05

SergeantDawkins · 13/04/2025 18:00

No. You can’t.

To remind you of your comment I originally replied to
“Depends on how overweight they were and if they looked like a healthy overweight or not”
I repeat, you cannot tell if someone is healthy or not by looking at their size.

A “healthy overweight” is something you have just made up based on your own preconceptions and judgements, but you cannot tell an overweight person’s health any more than you can a thin person.

Even a doctor can’t.

Edited

You are incorrect but I think others have also pointed this out to you so there is no point in me saying anything further

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 13/04/2025 18:03

fuckingangrybirdbrows · 13/04/2025 17:58

Entirely depends on what the job is. Looking after pre-schoolers - probably an issue.

A lot of the nursery staff are overweight and keep up with the kids absolutely fine.

Overweight doesn't amount to not being able to teach, draw, take to the park, sit on the floor, read books, take them to the toilet etc.

Being skinny doesn't make you immediately able to move faster than someone bigger. Slim people can also be unfit and unsuited for looking after pre-schoolers.

I'm not trying to deny that being overweight isn't particularly great for the person. But provided they are capable of doing their job, there's no need to judge them for being overweight and in that profession.

kelsaycobbles · 13/04/2025 18:02

Of course you can tell poor health in many cases - skin tone, body posture and movement , scents, eye condition

SergeantDawkins · 13/04/2025 18:00

StrangerThings1 · 13/04/2025 14:34

I can certainly tell from some peoples appearance that they are not in good health, with some people it is very obvious.

You may not be able to conclude what exactly is wrong with them but you can certainly tell they are unhealthy

No. You can’t.

To remind you of your comment I originally replied to
“Depends on how overweight they were and if they looked like a healthy overweight or not”
I repeat, you cannot tell if someone is healthy or not by looking at their size.

A “healthy overweight” is something you have just made up based on your own preconceptions and judgements, but you cannot tell an overweight person’s health any more than you can a thin person.

Even a doctor can’t.

fuckingangrybirdbrows · 13/04/2025 17:58

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 13/04/2025 17:56

But it doesn't stop someone being able to do their job.

Which was OPs original point.

Entirely depends on what the job is. Looking after pre-schoolers - probably an issue.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 13/04/2025 17:56

fuckingangrybirdbrows · 13/04/2025 17:42

Going red in isolation, maybe not. Sweating, huffing and puffing and going bright red walking up the stairs paints a very clear picture indeed.

Why are you all trying to deny this? What's the end game?

Being overweight is unhealthy, fact.

But it doesn't stop someone being able to do their job.

Which was OPs original point.

fuckingangrybirdbrows · 13/04/2025 17:42

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 13/04/2025 14:43

My face goes red very easily. It's a family trait, it has nothing to do with being unhealthy or overweight. We just pink up from the heat, the cold, the wind, a change in temp, from laughing, from crying, when we talk. All of us do it, regardless of our weight. It did it when I was a size 8, 10, 20 and now when I'm somewhere in the middle. Did it when I was 15, 27, and now a few years older than 27.

It's not an indicator of being unhealthy.

Going red in isolation, maybe not. Sweating, huffing and puffing and going bright red walking up the stairs paints a very clear picture indeed.

Why are you all trying to deny this? What's the end game?

Being overweight is unhealthy, fact.

fuckingangrybirdbrows · 13/04/2025 17:40

EBearhug · 13/04/2025 14:33

When someone is bright red and out of breath from walking up the stairs, you can see they are unhealthy.

But you don't know why. It might just be they never exercise. But they might be anaemic, and trying to sort that out, and still waiting for a blood test. Or a load of other things. Mind you, they might not be bright red with anaemia.

Occam's razor would suggest it's cos they're obese!

people will tie themselves in knots to deny the obvious on this thread

Daisy12Maisie · 13/04/2025 15:03

I wouldn’t be judging an overweight teacher. My sister is a teacher and works 70 hours per week. She doesn’t get a proper lunch break as she is on break duty with the kids. So if she was overweight I don’t see how she would have the time to do much about it.
I am overweight. Only slightly but it’s extremely hard to lose whilst working full time, running a business on the side, managing kids etc. It doesn’t mean I’m lazy. Far from it. I’m busy nearly all the time. I do go to the gym as well. I just can’t shift weight past age 40.

noworklifebalance · 13/04/2025 14:57

You might have just willingly missed out on someone great there if he was borderline successful but you declined him because of his appearance

That’s the point though, isn’t it? Appearance can make a difference when it’s a fine line. Being borderline successful means that person was not an outstanding candidate at the interview and possibly not on their CV either.
I agree weight should not make a difference but people do judge and there is unconscious bias.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 13/04/2025 14:43

fuckingangrybirdbrows · 13/04/2025 14:28

Yes you can!

In fact, what we perceive as beautiful has roots in what's healthy. Shiny hair, clear skin, fit body, even facial features etc. The list is endless.

When someone is bright red and out of breath from walking up the stairs, you can see they are unhealthy.

Why are people denying this basic fact?

My face goes red very easily. It's a family trait, it has nothing to do with being unhealthy or overweight. We just pink up from the heat, the cold, the wind, a change in temp, from laughing, from crying, when we talk. All of us do it, regardless of our weight. It did it when I was a size 8, 10, 20 and now when I'm somewhere in the middle. Did it when I was 15, 27, and now a few years older than 27.

It's not an indicator of being unhealthy.

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