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Original poster

To not want to live with DP

83 replies

houseofroses1 · 11/04/2025 18:46

I'm prepared to be flamed for this.

I have one teen DC, they're at their Dad's every other weekend and some of the school hols.

DP has two teen DC. He used to have them 50/50 but over the last few years it has increased, so he now has one of them Monday-Thursday, and the other one Friday-Sunday. Sometimes both at the same time. He has them both 100% of the school hols.

I always thought we'd probably live together eventually. DP has recently suggested that we start to think about how it might work.

The problem is that since he has had his DC 100% of the time, I just don't want to live with him. I do really like his DC, that isn't the issue. For me, it just doesn't seem appealing to go from having every other weekend, the odd weeknight and some school hols child free, to never ever being child free, especially when part of the time it would be just me and them at home, not DP (he'd be at work).

Am I unreasonable to feel this way? No matter how I phrase it to DP I know he's going to take it as me not liking his kids, which just isn't true. I feel horribly guilty for feeling like this!

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/04/2025 19:28

Blanca87 · 11/04/2025 19:23

Fuck no way. So him moving in would result in you parenting two other people’s children full -time???? Eh no thank you.

Yeah and if he’s offended it’s because he knows it’s a really good deal for him for this to go ahead. Someone else to parent his kids!

Scarydinosaurs · 11/04/2025 19:28

I think telling him you want to give him the space to have the relationship he needs to have with his children while they’re growing up is FINE.

If I were you, I wouldn’t want to move in either.

LockdownLisa · 11/04/2025 19:27

I would do exactly the same in your situation, for all the reasons you've given. Do you think it will be a relationship ender for him?

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 11/04/2025 19:27

That's completely understandable. I wouldn't want to either!

Best be honest and say it would work better living separately until his kids are older. You can like his kids without wanting the responsibility of parenting them.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/04/2025 19:25

Definitely don’t move in together.

You know you need your downtime, your time without kids. That’s perfectly reasonable.

Just say “I really value my alone time, and I don’t really thinking blending families is good for anyway. Let’s revisit the idea of moving in together when the kids are grown up.”

Blanca87 · 11/04/2025 19:23

Fuck no way. So him moving in would result in you parenting two other people’s children full -time???? Eh no thank you.

vandelier · 11/04/2025 19:03

I don't live with my partner of 20 years and there are NO kids involved! We stay together a lot but we each have our own house to retreat to. It is bliss I can tell you to have my own space and do what I want when I want. Similar for his nibs. Keep your independence, your gut is telling you what to do.

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Daisy12Maisie · 11/04/2025 18:48

That is completely reasonable and I don’t want to live with my partner either for similar reasons.
You can just say you don’t think blending families is the best thing for the children so can you re visit living together in a few years.

Obviously he wants you there if it would make his life easier plus I’m sure he would like your company but it isn’t in your best interests so don’t do it.