Sharing the family load

He's being a total arse ... tell him what's what, and say if he doesn't buck his ideas up, he can bugger off 🙂

And? Surely you can see the difference between having to carry another adult and not? Shea perfectly capable of doing it all, as demonstrated by the fact that she does do it all. What she's saying, is why should she when there is another adult who should also be playing a role?

Mid teens are well able to do a lot of the chores you're describing. They can clean, cook, shop and prepare meals, do lawn care and be taught home maintenance, and should be dealing with their own homework. If one isn't doing it, loss of privileges like going out and electronics.

Bills can be set up to auto pay.

Holiday, let the teens do it or just drop it.

Ferrying them around, sometimes it's necessary and sometimes not. Get ready for driving lessons.

You can't force him to be present for his family.

If he's this absent around the home, stop doing his stuff. Is he checked out emotionally? If so, get ready for the shoe to drop as the kids near 18.

I know what you are saying @shelle07. DH just doesn’t see or think about things. I just get on with what I have to do and he will do something if asked. If I want to go away etc I put it in the diary and if both are out, we will need to discuss who makes dinner. My DH doesn’t want to spend loads of time away from
the family though. Why does yours?

Go on strike? As in, they don’t know what they’ve got til it’s gone? It’s very easy for men to deride the massive contribution women make to family life. Otherwise they’d have to take a long hard look at themselves and acknowledge just how little they do compared with their superwomen wives/partners. Obvs not all men are like this, but many are. They really don’t see/realise/want to recognize just how much their other half does. They’d be capable if they had to, they just choose not to.

I think you are getting a hard time op. Yes the kids could help but so could DH. I would start by leaving his washing. It's not fair to opt out of family life. I did have to have a 'moment' myself once and since then one of us orders shopping and plans dinners and the other does the washing. Also start getting in early with time out for you. Go to a Saturday morning exercise class (even if all you do is go for coffee!) and let him get the kids to where they want to go etc.

My DH was just complaining last night that he doesn’t get to watch the footie, look at TV, eat dinner in peace, see his mates, go to the pub, or have any money… And it’s all my fault.

I’ve never stopped him doing any of these things. I went for lunch a friend yesterday. So, obviously, I’m living the high life!

I’m taking DS away for a few days at Easter, he’ll have plenty of “me-time”. None of which will be spent doing housework / life admin / child-stuff. Just sitting on his hole, doing all of the above.

I suppose it boils down to having equal free time OP. I work 3 days and DH works 5, so I do more of the household stuff.

My life wasn't shitty thanks

Crikey, it’s not a let’s see who’s life can be the shittiest race! The point remains the OP shouldn’t have to do it all alone.

So she easily be able to cope for a weekend as well then. Many women have husbands work away and manage with much younger kids. I've never had a husband/father of kids on the scene when my kids were 5 upwards do it just the norm for many of us

@Gogogo12345I read the OP as she is on her own throughout the week often as her DH works away frequently, as well as last weekend and this weekend as examples. That feels like a vastly disproportionate division of chores.

My teens are capable but we live rurally so dropped at train stations etc.

But it's one weekend that OP saying about all the things that she has to do with teens.

As an aside with the taxiing about, many parents don't have cars so the teens manage. So teens with parents with cars should learn to manage as well. I made that mistake with eldest then realised at a certain age 13/14 perhaps it was totally embarrassing that she didn't know how to use buses and trains, or cycle somewhere. Next kids were far more practiced at getting places independently from a younger age

I was merely listing the jobs of a household, clearly not are every week but they are things that need doing overall. My teens do plenty for themselves, they do homework, I drive them to the tutor, they tidy their own rooms and clean/change bedding. They make their own snacks, some family meals. I’m happy to go shopping with them or pay when they go with friends. I’m not complaining, my DH does more than his fair share!

Many of those things like PE are once a year jobs per child/vehicle

My child had a tutor and the only input needed was paying. Similarly they looked for clothes they needed (teens usually have specific likes and dislikes) and sent me the link so I could order them.

It is annoying doing gardening, housework and house maintenance on your own and if you live rurally to ferry everyone around but mid teens can do a lot of gardening and housework like laundry.

All in one weekend? And what do your teens do FOR THEMSELVES

@Gogogo12345 Maybe parents of children with ADHD or Autism are more likely to post on Mumsnet and try to get support? Not exactly a difficult idea to grasp is it?!

He isn’t going to alter his position because he can effectively do as he wants and you have sucked it up for all this time.

If you want to start tacking this I would begin with his “duties” as a basic father first.

That’s unfair of him. We have teenagers and taxi them and friends around to social events, sports sessions, gym etc all on 50 weeks of the year. Then the food shop, meal planning, cooking, organising, house work (endless housework), gardening, car maintenance, home maintenance, paying bills, ensuring good deals on bills, insurance, kids clothes, school, homework overview, tutors, parents evenings etc.
It’s a lot and if I was in your position I would resent doing it mostly alone.

Time to sit down and split the jobs between you. And plan some serious leisure time for yourself where he has child related responsibilities at the same time

I meant that near enough every thread on here about kids mentions it. Seems a small minority of people that gave kids without either condition. However in real life doesn't seem so widespread

What do you mean that you were wondering how long it would be before someone piped up with ADHD or autism? The OP has provided further information about why it isn't as easy for her to just go out and leave her kids, even though they are teenagers.

You sound really disrespectful and ableist.

Go the club for a drink with him. Have a night off.

Ask him to do some laundry before he goes out and to walk the dog. Order food shop online for delivery. Kids can help put it away.
The kids can also walk the dog.

People only so a little when you let them.

Get allocating tasks and time for yourself.

But that's on HIM. At the end of the day it only affects himself.

Wondered how long before someone would pipe up with the ADHD or autism reason

Besides the OP didn't mention anything of the sort