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Original poster

TW? This wasn't right was it? Parents and sex.

137 replies

BunsenBurnerAccount · 11/04/2025 10:27

I dont know if this needs a TW so here is one anyway.

Name change.

Sorry it's long. I've never listed it like this and I just kept remembering more things.

TLDR: As a child, I often walked in on my parents having sex and they would also act inappropriately around me. How do I get over this without counselling?

This has always bothered me and I'm pretty sure it has led to some of my weird hang ups/prudishness about sex. It's not right is it? Or was it just unfortunate, with a few inappropriate jokes?

I don't want counselling for various reasons so any suggestions on how to get over this, even if it is just me being overly sensitive would be much appreciated.

My parents were very open about their physical sex life and were not discreet even when 4 kids were in the house. My mum was all "this is my house, I'll do what I like" and my dad just thought we needed to grow up and how did we think they had 4 kids. I don't know if my siblings are the same as me but I'm guessing so.

I remember walking in on them having sex a lot. We weren't allowed in their room so they had privacy there but they would still have sex in the living room and kitchen even knowing we were home. I even walked in on them on the stairs. They'd stop, my dad would swear at me and they'd both give me a filthy look and sulk with me for ages afterwards.

We shared a cabin on a ferry. We weren't allowed to go explore by ourselves so we had to wait for them while "they had a shower". They were having sex in the shower. We'd only left the house that morning. I needed the toilet so went in and I could hear them still doing something behind the curtain while I was having a wee.

We were camping and the "bedrooms" were separated by a bit of fabric. My Dad was making very graphic comments to my mum and more. The next morning my Dad asked whether we'd learned anything about the birds and the bees last night.

We were unpacking in a caravan and I went into their room (open door). My dad saw me, randomly jumped on all fours and started thrusting. He said "just testing it out for your mother later". I just walked out but heard him say to my mum "she won't even understand and we don't need to worry about that when she looks like that do we?".

We had 2 cats and they'd both make comments when the "pussys were being licked". My dad once said "it's a shame we dont have more pussies". My sister asked if we could get more and my Dad said "yes please" and my mum said she'd think about it. Lots of comments about looking at pussies when we (the kids) went away on various camps. When we got home my sister asked whether they'd got any more cats and they both laughed and said that they had very much enjoyed stroking and looking at all the pussies but that we weren't getting any more cats. I remember my sister being heartbroken.

They used to get the bedsheets messy (I don't know how) and my mum would make sure we all knew they were being washed because of "nooky".

They had very, very loud sex. They'd also then have a shower together afterwards and be very loud in there. I was regularly woken up.

I was woken up by my dad shouting at my brother (who used to try to get into their bed) that he was "trying to give your mother a seeing to so get lost".

My dad worked away sometimes and mum had some friends around. One of them bought her a vibrator and my mum started rubbing it on herself to lots of squarks and lewd comments. That would be ok if that's your sort of thing but the room had me and other children all watching. One of them asked what it was and their mother said something like "your dad can show you later". WTF?! All the adults found it hilarious.

And so on and so on...

I've reread this and although a lot of these examples are my dad doing something, my mum was no victim and would also join in.

To make it clear, they never tried to involve me and never made any sexual comments or acts involving me. I never felt unsafe, just really grossed out and embarrassed and upset. I have no reason to think they did with my siblings either. It was more about them being indiscreet and having sex banter in front of us.

Obviously they'd deny all this. No doubt I've misremembered some of this but there is enough "truth" to get an idea of the sort of things.

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 11/04/2025 10:54

This made me feel sick. They are sexual abusers and predators, and yes they did involve you.

I echo the above PP who mentioned the police. I also think you would benefit from therapy, although I'd decline any CBT if you can as it won't be helpful (no prizes for guessing how I know).

I'm very sorry this happened to you.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 11/04/2025 10:45

They are terrible parents, neglectful and sexually abusive though not physical.

I am sorry. It would be traumatising to any child growing in this environment.

I walked in once, it was confusing and weird. I cannot imagine being faced with it daily.

Please consider counselling.

Searchingforthelight · 11/04/2025 10:42

That's abuse

And both your parents are perpetrators

Please seek help, it sounds horrific

Purplecatshopaholic · 11/04/2025 10:42

Oh op, I’m so sorry. You should not have been exposed to that, it is a form of child abuse and you are not unreasonable at all in how you feel about it. You say you don’t want counselling, and I’m really sorry but not sure what people can suggest other than that. It might help enormously if you could find a person you can trust, and give it a try. I don’t know if you still see them but going NC with your parents would be the first thing I did. Do you/could you talk about it with your siblings, they probably went through it too and feel similarly which might help?

thepariscrimefiles · 11/04/2025 10:39

You have sexually abusive parents. None of the behaviour you describe was acceptable then or acceptable now. I'm not sure why you don't want therapy but it might be helpful.

At the very least, I would recommend that you go no contact with them.

millymoo1202 · 11/04/2025 10:38

That is awful, it’s form of sexual abuse I think

ForAzureSeal · 11/04/2025 10:38

This is horribly neglectful and abusive. Exposing children to sexual activity - not just involving them in it - is considered abuse. I am so sorry you and your siblings experienced this.

If you can't go to talking therapy perhaps reading trusted resources about abuse would help? At least understanding that it was wrong and your parents should not have done this will help in some way?

Again I am so sorry.

Seawolves · 11/04/2025 10:37

That absolutely is an abusive situation to grow up in.

Dotjones · 11/04/2025 10:37

I'm sorry but that's a form of child sex abuse and you definitely need to work through it with a therapist. It's worth talking to the police as well to get the abuse on record. If they behaved like this around you it's quite likely they conducted other forms of abuse on other children. Reporting it, even if nothing comes from it, will at least give the police a better picture of their offending.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 11/04/2025 10:37

Basically you were sexually abused by your parents. They don’t have to have actively involved you, exposing you to their activities is still abuse. Of course they’ll deny it so there’s little point having to he conversation with them. You might be able to have the conversation with your siblings though, only you can know if that’s an option. I do think counselling is a sensible idea, but if you can’t cope with the thought of that right now then try self help books. Do you still have contact with your parents? If so I think cutting them out completely is the right decision. You need to put some distance between you and this awful abuse to give yourself a chance to think more clearly about it.

ssd · 11/04/2025 10:36

I agree. Totally inappropriate. They reminded me of reading about Fred West and his wife.

BobbyBiscuits · 11/04/2025 10:32

This is horrible. I think you definitely need to see a therapist. X