TW? This wasn't right was it? Parents and sex.

If you've read anything about Fred and Rosemary West this is the kind of thing they did in front of their children. I'm about your experiences OP.

WTF are there 2% saying you are being unreasonable..
Yes I thought about Fred and Rose too. I’m so sorry you grew up around that OP, they brought you into an adult world when you should have been enjoying being kids and ignorant to all that. Your dad sounds like a sex addict

Exposing children to sexual activity it considered sexual abuse. I’m sorry this happened to you. I don’t know your reasons for not wanting counselling but that is what I would do.

OP, this is so awful, I’m so sorry. Please find a proper professional therapist (anyone called a Psychologist does need to be an actual Psychologist with a doctorate) and as an actual Psychologist myself I’d suggest EMDR might be really helpful for you, you wouldn’t even need to disclose too much of the experiences. It works really well, and it might help you put some of this in a neatly folded draw in your mind so it doesn’t carry on having the same impact. Good luck!

Are you close with your siblings? I would definitely ask them what they remember a d how they feel about it. Sounds terrible.

The first thing I thought about was Fred and Rose west. I’m sorry you had to go through this op, I bet it has messed your siblings heads up too.
i reallly recommend you see a councillor for it. Even for a couple of sessions, you will then understand more how this has affected u in ways you don’t even realise. Your parents are awful and it’s abuse.

This is abuse, I'm so sorry. I'm fairly sure my parents had an active sex life whilst I was growing up- I only walked in on them once as they made absolutely sure they were discreet! Even then, they apologised to me. There's absolutely no excuse for the way your parents behaved around you and the other children you mention. Please speak to someone about this, the way you feel about sex now is not your fault. 💐

OP so sorry you are struggling with this. Like so many here have said, definitely sexual abuse, without a doubt. My mother was often inappropriate with me as well (nowhere near what you experienced). Sometimes if sex scenes (and I remember rape scenes in particular) came on the television, she wouldn’t change the channel even if I got upset and asked and when I was 8 and my siblings a few years older, she put on a soft porn movie and encouraged us to watch it (she seemed to think this made her a “cool “ parent). The problem, besides the sexual abuse which is traumatic enough, these are selfish parents who put their own twisted ideas above their child’s comfort, safety, and best interests. That kind of mental attitude leaks out into hundreds of other ways in which they probably didn’t look after you properly. I hope you find some healing.

I am so sorry you have been abused in this way. Please don't give up on therapy. When I was young I went to 3 psychiatrists before I found the right one for me. It was absolutely worth it.

I'm so sorry, OP. I agree with those who say it was abuse, and that most schools would see this as a concern.

In my experience, boasting that "we don't keep secrets from our children" is a red flag. It's usually an excuse for parents to drag their children into things that they're too young to deal with. Privacy and secrecy are two different things.

On another parenting forum, a woman posted that she'd told her young sons that while she loves them, she's very sad that she had boys instead of girls. When people said this was unfair, she said that it's good parenting to be open with your children. She didn't seem remotely concerned to how these little boys would feel about knowing their own mother is so disappointed with them that she's actually depressed. They're going to be highly susceptible to the likes of Andrew Tate as they get older.

Exactly what I thought.

I agree that even though you weren't involved, this is still very much abuse and hard to read.

You deserve some help to process it.

I'm so sorry. This should never have happened to you and it was abuse. Take it very gently, it is quite shocking to look at this and see it for what it was. I agree that some good therapy would be a good idea and I would definitely start with your GP and see what they can refer you to before looking for someone privately. Be really honest with them about what happened, so that they can refer appropriately. The NHS can be patchy, but there is still good care out there if you are lucky.

What you experienced is called 'non contact child sexual abuse'. Just because you weren't 'involved' or you weren't physically touched, doesn't mean it's not abuse. Yes, as parents there's always a possibility of our child walking in whilst we're engaging in sex, but most parents would be mortified and make damn sure it didn't happen again. Your parents exposed you to sex, you saw them frequently engaged in the act, in various parts of the house, not just their own bedroom, had to listen to them having sex, had to listen to innuendos, and were frequently spoken to about their sex life. They made no effort to keep their sex life private, but in my mind relished in your embarrassment, making you uncomfortable and intimidating you by exposing you to it. You were a child, and your parents were supposed to love and protect you. If these details came to light nowadays by a child, to say an adult at school, it would immediately be logged on the safeguarding system and my guess is social services would be called too. It's a huge red flag. Please try and find a decent therapist, and have some proper counselling. Do you work? Often employers have an Employees Assistance Program, and counselling can be accessed via that.

Fred and Rose west also raped their children, so an extreme version maybe.

But that doesn't take away from this being revolting, I was reading just thinking wtf is wrong with them? What are they like now?

I’m so sorry OP. I work with children and if I heard them describing what you have described it would be a safeguarding concern. I would classify it as both sexual
abuse and emotional abuse. I’m glad you are low to no contact. These are not good people and you deserved better.

I think EMDR might help based on what you have said. Have a google and see what you think. It can help ease physiological disturbance from and shift our relationship to difficult memories. You don’t have to share much detail. It might help shift the disgust.

good luck.

I have just shown my sister this because this sounds identical to our childhood.
You are not alone.
I am sorry that you went through this too.
Our Dad is nearly 80 and We have made it very clear that his behaviour was abused.

So sorry this happened to you OP, and the other posters. It's abusive and not appropriate in any normal person's mind.
When my dc were younger I fell in with a gentle parenting crowd, some of them were quite hippy/eco warriors. One of them was an older mum, she'd had her dd mid 40s and felt her 6 year old dd was a friend to her and would overshare lots of inappropriate things, in the name of being honest. She told me that she would tell her dd when they were going to have sex (if it was during the day) so that she wouldn't walk in on them (they didn't believe in locking doors) but she couldn't tell anyone else this, as they might think it's bad. She actually eye rolled when she said this, and thought she and her dd had such a good relationship with "no secrets". Unfriended her after that, terrible parenting.

OP what you've recounted here is EXTREME. I cannot even imagine how much this must have affected you and still be affecting you. What they did was wrong, and what's more they knew it was wrong. Them being angry with you is precisely because they know they should not have exposed you to their sexual acts. Shame on them.

God this horrifies me .. I’d like to give you a hug or at least an ear to talk to , what vile pigs they both are , this is truly awful and I’d suggest counselling straight away . Of course consenting adults are entitled to a decent sex life but this does not trump the abuse of their children and all children deserve to learn about these things in an age appropriate manner , I’m so sorry

At first I thought it was going to be Darling Buds of May but it’s definitely more Fred and Rose West, get yourself some counselling.

They sound like a couple of pervs who shouldn't have been in charge of 4 children. No wonder you are disturbed by this.

Omg I had the exact same thought before I even read your comment, Fred and Rose West vibes. None of this was remotely normal OP.

OP you have been in an abusive relationship

You are not a 'prude' - you are suffering from trauma

A good therapist will help you unpack all this horror from your childhood and help you make sense of your feelings.

You have been so so brave posting today. Please try once more to reach out for help. I would seek out a therapist (rather than a counsellor) who is experienced in sexual trauma. They will let you go at your own pace and guide you gently towards finding ways to process what happened to you.