Things only frequently heard on Mumsnet (lighthearted)

People staying inside and only having a bubble around them for the fist three months of having a baby. Meanwhile in the real world everyone's out and about with their babies as soon as possible and is excited for people to see them

Yep, see the later ND post.

I am absolutely certain and will not be shaken in my belief that a much higher proportion of posters on MN are ND than across a similar age group in real life.

The words “ kindly” and gently” before a reply. No one in IRL has EVER said that to me.

most husbands/partners have ED and a porn addiction. suffer loudly when they have a sniffle do sod all with the kids spend most time out of work blotto with their mates

This definitely!

An incredible number of people who seem to be in the top 1% of earners in the country and often only in their twenties.

If mumsnet is to be believed, 95% of children are neurodiverse.

Yeah, it does seem there are a lot of SEN children (and adults) on here but I think that's because it's so hard to form RL social circles so SEN is over-represented online. This leads people to believe it's the norm when actually it's still a small minority. Same with other invisible disabilities / neurodivergence.

In my circle, I have a DNibling with delayed global development, one of DC's friends has autism and know another one awaiting diagnosis on ADHD. Plus 2 mum friends who have autistic children. But that's it - out of hundreds of kids I know.

All of this!!!!! Why the obsession with UPF being the work of the devil. If anyone dares mention they let their child eat McDonalds as a treat they are treated as if they have asked where the best site to inject their child with heroin is. FFS have a rest and eat a Big Mac!

Everyone lives in London!

The north is this mystical Dickensian place with no jobs, houses or electricity.

Any form of piercings are the start of a downward spiral to a life of crime and drug addiction.

Mobile phones, again evil. Should be banned along with the internet, unless you're using one to post on MN obvs!

Putting your child in nursery being akin to child abuse.

The laundry threads are something else! Then it usually descends into eco/sustainability arguments when some poor soul admits to using a tumble dryer.

My children were running riot in a pub/restaurant/shop, and one of them pushed someone else’s child and another parent shouted at him. How dare someone else shout at my child. Don’t they know that the correct way to interact with children is to sit down on their level and tell them to use gentle hands.”

The complexity of rules around washing clothes/dishcoths instead of just splitting colours and putting everything on a medium hot wash/ the extra work people give themselves makes my heart ache

Changing the baby's name. I have never ever in real life heard anyone say 'oh, we've called him Tarquin, nickname Quinn' (who PICKS their child's nick name? He'll be called Smelly Pants or Ta-Ta by his mates and his parents won't have a say in his nick name, whatever shortening of his name they decide to use) and then ten years down the line decide they don't like it and want to change it?

Instead of just calling him Johnny but leaving Tarquin on his birth certificate.

My neighbours’ children play outside and their baby cries.”

“They’re inconsiderate. Children playing is a noise violation. As a person you have the right to lie in complete silence 24 hours a day. Contact the council and they’ll give you some recording equipment so they can go round and have a word.”

Logging with 101.

My partner shouted at me during an argument: “log with 1010.”

Someone has been parking across the road and I don’t recognise their car: “log with 101.”

Newsflash. There’s no such thing as “logging with 101.”

The threads to do with farting are hilarious, people fall into 2 camps:

1. They think nothing of farting in front of all and sundry. Anytime, anyplace. Apparently it's weird otherwise.
2. They leave the house and go into the next street if they need to fart! (OK I exaggerate,but you know what I mean) Apparently it's disrespectful otherwise!

The trans hate is strong on here but I don’t ever hear it in real life

But by contrast:

I was in a pub and this guy standing next to me said hello.”

“Ooh how creepy. I wouldn’t like that at all. Be careful because he’s probably a rapist.”

Yes, me too! I've never experienced any of this.

To be fair this has really made me appreciate my partner, flaws and all. Thanks MN

I agree. Sour dough is awful. I love a bit of UPF and am a healthy weight and eat a balanced diet. But on here I am the devil!

I think the first part is true if you are older. I'm mid 60s, and we all thought that a man proposing was old fashioned, and shouldn't be his decision or choice. It should be mutual. Me, and all my contemporaries, had conversations which ended in marriage. No proposal.
It's gone backwards now imo, which is why we get so many threads complaining about a man not proposing. For many of us, that wasn't even on our radar.
Secondly many of us did have low cost, modest weddings. People have a lot more disposable income nowadays, but we were on modest salaries and couldn't afford a big do, certainly not a 3 tier event like many have now.
So yes, many of us had basic weddings. No shame in that.

No one has a baby under 30 no one claims benefits they only get child benefit still a benefit.
Women are never ever wrong.
Everyone has a child with SEN or they have SEN.
Everyone has a cleaner nanny and earn 100k.
Some cant do house work because they have a baby.
The list goes on.

UPF! The mass hysteria around UPF. The only acceptable bread is sourdough (despite it being inedible). Biscuits and snacks are the devils work. Water is the only thing anyone should be drinking (apart from wine & coffee obvs).

Going into hiding after having a baby. No one is allowed to see or touch baby (apart from bio grandmother) & DH is unreasonable for not stopping his family wanting to see their grandchildren more than twice a year. Grandparents are creepy people who are trying to steal your children in order to be parents again.

Everyone went to private school/kids go private school & that absolutely makes them better humans than the scummers who didn't/don't. If not private then will move house/buy additional house to be near the absolute best state school.