Things only frequently heard on Mumsnet (lighthearted)

The amount of posters who post pics of themselves saying ‘how old do I look’ just begging for compliments

Ok. Like I said, I've never heard of it before I saw it on here. Quite a lot.

‘Cheeky’ winds me up. There is nothing cheeky about Nando’s or having a glass of wine in the evening/at the weekend. If you were knocking back vodka from a brown paper bag in a toilet cubicle at work at 9.30am, I would concede to the word ‘cheeky’.

This is not a Mumsnet phrase. It's really common, especially online.

Killing myself laughing at that. Can I also ban DS from the house for similar behaviour?

My husband had an unauthorised curry, left a wet towel on the floor and farted in front of the baby.”
Chorus:
”LEAVE THE BASTARD.”

To be fair, that's sound advice! 😆 🤣 😂

I'm on several other forums online, all special interest type stuff, and the larger number of us there are ND, so it's not just MN. Sometimes it's easier to put stuff down in writing than it is to talk about, if you're easily distracted and can't always concentrate then writing is better than talking.

To be fair, the going out in pyjamas is problematic, because there's a clear indicator there of some problems with self care/self management or whatever. (Not some emergency dash for Calpol, of course).

It might be true if they’re 22 stone (which may be true with all those chips cooked in fat!) I’m 65 but don’t have a single line on my face because I’m fat 😂

I think Jamie just encapsulated it in a banging pukka curry. The affected shit was already out there, waiting to be parodied.

There have been women on here for 25yrs opining "how hard is it to throw on a sweater and chuck on some jeans?" when they hear the horror of somebody going to Tesco in their loungewear. I don't disagree that going to the shops in your pyjamas is odd, but it has never inspired affected nonchalance in me. Are they the same women who "treat" themselves with a "cheeky" something or other or is there a spectrum where affectation becomes twee becomes cutesy becomes the hubsters, and so on...

Like that poor woman at her wits end dealing with 4 kids and a useless husband.
The most common advice?
"Why did you have 4 children?"

Exactly to your final point. People keep bobbing up on here saying social class is a Mn thing because they're never heard anyone speak about it in RL. That's because, while it's still absolutely prevalent in the UK, it's not generally spoken about. To return to one of the things the OP raises as something she appears to think is a Mn fallacy (many people in someone's social having their first child in their 40s) -- this is a class issue, in part.

Lots of Mn threads are about things people are happy to talk freely about anonymously online, but not in person with their friends and family, whether it's because they're incredibly boring (housekeeping), mildly gross (threads about whether you sit down or stand up to wipe your bottom), make them sound susperstitious and irrational ('woo' threads) or like a Nazi eugenicist (the lower orders and their childbearing habits).

Spray around some what, now?!

You can blame Jamie Oliver for that - with all his dollops of olive oil, squirt on some hummus, blitz in a blender, chuck in the aga, thrust in a garlic clove and spray around some semen.

Just this morning a poster was nonchalantly "throwing veg" into the fridge. I assume said poster then bunged on some casual clothes, slapped on some lippy and mooched into her rural garden to dig up some pots for supper.

“My husband had an unauthorised curry, left a wet towel on the floor and farted in front of the baby.”

Chorus:

”LEAVE THE BASTARD.”

People often use MN to make themself feel better reading about other people’s dreadful lives.

Someone asks for help and support as they are in an awful and dangerous abusive relationship, and the appropriate response is "Why on earth did you get into this relationship? You should have left earlier. I would never end up in your situation". Thanks for that.

Sell stuff on Vinted.

I have never known anyone keep a newborn away from the grandparents for two or three weeks so they can ' bond'and have alone time with the baby.

Everyone I've know is as proud as punch and can't wait to show the new baby off, especially to family.

With the exception of abuse or some sort of criminal or extreme behaviour from grandparents where you would be no contact anyway, it is beyond me why people these days don't want their families to join in with the happy occasion.

Die, Heretic! 🔥

Don't be ridiculous, of course I'm not a high earner on £80k, my lifestyle and circumstances are perfectly average.

My child won't do X, refuses to do Y, insists on Z. Of course it's ludicrous to suggest that I could control my child.

My sister / mother / DH / whoever is demanding I do something completely unreasonable and won't take no for an answer. No I can't just refuse. No I can't say why. They won't let me. I've said no but they just won't listen. No it isn't possible to just not do it. Because it's not. Please supply me with a magic spell for changing another person's behaviour without changing my own in any way.

Here are ten reasons why my DP is an abusive prick. How can I fix the relationship?

I feel like I would be burned at the stake. I wear once then wash at 60 then put in the dryer.

Not 'gently' or 'kindly' but I do say "saying this with love / said with love" semi-ironically before before I'm about to hand someone their arse.

I saw Michael Jackson say it as part of his feedback to dancers / the band on This Is It and thought I'm stealing that. (Disclaimer, don't use MJ as a role model for everything.)