Things only frequently heard on Mumsnet (lighthearted)

To some poor, overwhelmed, exhausted woman "why don't you just batch cook?"
😮

DH makes a snippy comment during an argument. “He’s abusive. LTB” despite us having no context or knowledge of his usual behaviour. (Disclaimer: some are obviously abusive fuckwits and those bastards should be left, but this comment is given to everyone).

Every poster and their DCs are ND.

From another thread it seems that everyone is out socialising the same day they’ve given birth.

Southerners all think houses in the north cost £32.60. Everywhere north of Watford.

Women go abroad three times a year for expensive hen dos/girl’s weekends/hobbies and their DPs do similar, and still manage to afford a family holiday somewhere exotic. All while complaining how unfair it is that life is so much harder for them these days.

Parents must let adult children live at home with no contribution to food and bills until they choose to move out. They must also give them a deposit to buy a house, provide childcare and eventually a massive inheritance. Failure to meet these conditions earns you a label of ‘toxic’ and DCs will go NC.

MILs are not allowed to even glance sideways at their grandchildren for the first five years of life, while at the same time be expected to look after said child full-time while parents are working, and during the evenings/weekends when parents are socialising.

All the oh-so-nonchalant language that crops up on cooking threads. Stick the dinner on. Bung in some toast. Lob some beans on. Chuck some cheese on top. Some MNers are such edgy edgelords in the kitchen.

I keep my blinds closed 😉

Suggesting an outfit or dress for OP on. s&B board that costs £375 (not for a special occasion)

Agree with your post op 😂
Most things I read on mumsnet are usually the opposite to my real life / people I know in real life but appreciate it's a much wider amount of people than I know so of course there will be lots of different opinions/ life styles etc!

I think cutting someone off is an interesting one.

I did it because of actual abuse that had gone on for years (37) and after police and SS involvement, when it was made clear that, if I didn't, I faced losing my children. So, yes, actual abuse. The only 'shame' I have in that respect was that it took professionals getting involved to make me realise it was what I needed to do and couldn't see for myself.

But people look at their own families and think, "Well my mum wasn't always perfect but..."

They also assume they know what sort of families abuse happens in and what people who have been abused look like. And, on the surface, my family and I don't look like that.

But I do think that there is a bit of a 'trend' for it at the moment.

“Don’t answer the door” as if they can’t see you through the fecking windows

Grandma who smoked 200 cigarettes a day, used chip fat on their face and had beautiful, line free skin at the age of 120

Haha this made me cackle. Yes, I've seen this several times: "my granny is 102 and doesnt have a single line or wrinkle on her face".

Sure.

Oh, right.

"We live rurally"

Slightly scented sanitary towels giving everyone extreme thrush. Women being called anti feminist for shaving their pubic area and armpits, wearing make up or making an effort with their appearance. No bleach or cleaning products down the toilet.

Most of my social circle did have babies in their 40s, so I guess u am a stereotype!!! It’s quite common here though judging by parents at pick up and drop off.

Men doing nothing is certainly not a thing here. Maybe it’s because everybody had babies later so both parents have established careers so they both have to split the other stuff!!!

There is a lot of MIL hate, which I don’t see in my social group, I guess those who are happy don’t tend to post.

I’ve not known any of my friends who have stayed in a ‘baby bubble’ in bed for weeks without visitors or leaving the house. We had a lot of pub visits, park walks, etc., maybe that’s an age thing too!!

We all love weddings and birthdays!!

That you have a drink problem if you want a alcoholic drink.
The angst over perfectly usual and non harmful food. I do think that there's a lot of health/death anxiety that posters think they have control over, when health is a largely a matter of luck.
The lack of enthusiasm about social events, family weddings, holidays. I think a lot on here live to work.
Working as many hours as you can, rather than getting a balance and having time with your under six year olds.
There's a lot of strangeness about spending, rather than hoarding money.
I'd be here all day describing the difference in family relationships.

I took it to mean "don't let someone get to you when they're almost certainly not thinking/ caring about you "

Everyone is either on six figure salaries or in poverty. Where are all the people in between who don't have thousands to spend on holidays, but can also afford to replace a washing machine if it goes wrong without it being a budget issue?

It could make sense... you've got one person like me dragging the average for the population WAY down

The amount of posters who say they are above average in looks just can’t be true. Unless for some reason attractive people happen to like hanging out on here. Where no one can see you.

Social class.

Being posh 😂

MN is odd. It feels like pretence.

I think it's funny how people advise all sorts of convoluted, weird lies instead of just having a conversation.

Not sure if this counts as light-hearted ... cutting off someone, including family for the tiniest reason or not going out of your way for anyone. Some of the threads in the last few days have been wild.

Right. I've never heard it before. The dictionary says it's indicative that you have an obsessive disorder. I guess it's just used wrongly to make a point.

That's not just on MN. I think it can be an apt phrase sometimes!

What surprises me most is how many awful men there are, who are lazy, selfish, reluctant to parent, reluctant to do basics.
Another poor woman on a thread today, with some awful partner. It's depressing.

People thinking "ghosting and blocking" is a satisfactory way to deal with any disagreement with a long-standing friend/relative. Or a few years ago it was "say you've got Covid! "