Guy just doesn’t speak

Yanbu to expect him to speak

It's human nature and friendly to speak to other people on this planet especially when they come to.your house.
He's probably got poor social skills, or no.personality or both.

How much longer are you likely to be working there?

Maybe he likes you too lol and so makes him more shy than usual to make small talk. If it were me and you’re both adults, I’d just make the effort with the small talk and if he reciprocates then great but if not then you’ve lost nowt!

This.

People aren't complex, if he's not talking much to you it's because he doesn't want to.

There are more out there than someone who barely acknowledges you.

You don't like small talk.
He doesn't like small talk.
Go with it.
Sounds perfect.

Ok then, assuming that’s true - he’s not into you. Give up and stop trying to mix business and pleasure. You’re there to teach, not daydream about being her stepmom.

🙄

Why do you think that's anything to do with the lack of small talk though?

I'd be embarrassed just to have a tutor, if I was a DC. All that one-to-one attention. It's intense. I'd have been mortified if my parents had arranged anything like that. Especially if it was school work or some other activity that wasn't my choice to be doing.

Even as an adult I hate if I've booked onto a group thing and it turns out there's only two of us or something. I like to lose myself in a crowd. I want to kick back and relax and enjoy whatever it is I'm learning/doing, I don't want to feel like I have to chat to the tutor/leader or other participants just to avoid awkward silences. I want help if I'm struggling with a particular point but I don't want to be the sole focus of their attention.

But you're not visiting, you're there to do a job. If I'd booked an hour's tutoring for DC I'd want an hour's tutoring for DC, not eg 15mins small talk and 45mins tutoring.

I did did some self employed work where I entered peoples homes and loads of people don't do small talk. I even went into a couple of houses with full families in but they'd left the door open so I could just come in, do the job and go without disturbing them. They weren't working just watching the TV.

Some wanted to talk, some only wanted an update before I left, but most just said Hi and Bye.

Wouldn't bother me, apart from the example he is setting his child

YABU, unless he isbeing rude.

I hate small talk, so will sooner retreat to my car, unless my spirit vibes with yours.

My daughter attends a dance studio - really good at what they do, but I cannot stand the owner. The only conversation she gets out of me is a hello, or the conversation she makes on the rare occasion I need to sign my daughter's out.
My daughter loves it, has made good friends and love the teachers, so I'm happy for her to continue. I will always be polite, but don't feel the need to be friendly.

Still think he's Swedish.

I feel differently from some on the thread. I don't think you're miffed because he isn't chatting you up; that interpretation has got a few people's backs up. I think it's a polite human thing to speak to another human who comes into the same space as you. This is more pronounced when they are there to do something of a personal or intellectual nature. The job is to some extent relational- actually, you can't do your job except in an atmosphere of comfort.

I think it's foolish of him not to try and set you at ease. Also frankly, he could use the 5 mins to find out how it's going with his child, how you're finding the tutoring, any progress or concerns, anything he could help with or reinforce at home. It's insulting to treat you like a sort of servant bot, rather than a skilled relational professional who might have something useful to share with him.

In my own home I would make small talk with -
a nanny or babysitter
a tutor
a music teacher
a cook or someone setting up an event, like a kids' party or a hen night thing.
And out of home - a hairdresser, someone doing my nails, a parent or teacher waiting at a school gate with me if we were the only ones there. A psychotherapist. etc etc.

I would not necessarily feel I needed to make small talk with:-
a window cleaner
someone fixing the toilet
someone delivering a new sofa.
These are very transactional things where the relationship doesn't matter.

Sometimes I would talk to the cleaner - but sometimes not. She's in an in between space!

And I might ask the Sainsbury's dude, is he having a busy day, or something. Just a moment of contact helps the world go round.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean. What would "winning" be in this context?

But you're not a friend or a member of this man's family that needs to feel 'at home'. You're literally just turning up to tutor his child. He doesn't need to say any more than 'Hi' and then leave the room to let you get on with it. Especially if he's paying you by the hour. Presumably he wants to get his money's worth rather than spending ten minutes of your session chatting about the weather.

Your example of a babysitter is a bit different, because with a babysitter you're going to leave them in charge of your home for a few hours and of course they need to know where things are, whether you've left them snacks, anything they need to know about your child etc. But with you as a tutor, you're just going in, teaching the child and leaving again.

If you don't like small talk either, which you say you don't, I'm not sure why this is bothering you. He's probably just shy. But even if he is just rude/standoffish, does it matter? He's still paying you and you don't have to spend time with him, only with his child.

Is this normal, would you take it personally? I’m wondering if he’s neurodiverse perhaps

What I was trying to get across in my previous post is that you seem to be inferring that if he is neurodiverse, then it's absolutely fine that he doesn't want to make small talk.

But it's absolutely fine anyway even if he isn't.

So it doesn't matter, does it? As long as he acknowledges you, he's not being rude.

It seems as though if we all said 'Yes, he probably has autism or something', you'd think 'Phew! I won't take it personally then'.

But there's no need to take it personally anyway even if he is NT, because you've just stumbled across someone different to yourself that's all.