It is so hard for me to stay away from this cruel sadistic man

You need help with your self esteem. Hope you get some.

FFS, get some self respect and walk away. Unless you want to see how a punch in the face feels.

I often wonder why so many women are in such shit relationships Raise the bar. Don’t accept his crap in your life.

my adult daughter is in a new relationship with a lovely guy, he treats her well , speaks kindly to her and makes her happy, but some of her friends are so suspicious and say a man cannot be that nice . Some men are kind. Why do girls like a bad boy and accept shit relationships?

It is your choice, you are deliberately choosing to make bad ones that is on you not him

I can't believe people have to say this but work on your self respect before getting involved again

Hi OP
I could be totally off the mark here but did you have a dad that didn't love you/treated you offhand by any chance?

I'm old now and don't do relationships anymore but noted something in my own patterns

I had quite a few relationships with nice, kind, patient, genuine men who loved me. They treated me really well and were reasonably or very successful in their careers. Others would have perceived them as a 'catch'.
Not once did I develop any feelings for them. I married one of them because I knew he was good husband material so I let my head rule my heart but I don't think I ever loved him.

Then later on in life I dated a man who said all the right things but was selfish and lazy in the relationship. We did get on but he did what he wanted, when he wanted. He never put himself out for me and only did things when it suited him. His actions definately did not match his words. He was not a cruel person and could be very charming and funny but he was just very single minded about achieving his own goals. Anyhow the point I am making was he certainly did not love me (although he said he did) and I definately felt like not a priority and was always trying to win his attention, love etc. Many years later I realised this man who I had insanely strong feelings for did to me, exactly what my dad did. Made me feel unloved, unwanted, not important. I'm sure there is a connection. Sort of like I was trying to fix childhood hurts through this new relationship.

Happened again with another guy who was really moody, I think depressed and sarcastic and a bit verbally cruel and shut off. Again I fell head over heels for him and yes felt addicted and/or head over heels in love. Later on I realised this man had been very like my dad had been (also moody, depressed and although not cruel and enabler of my mums abuse).

I'm sure there is a theory that if your dad loves you and treats you well, then you expect your partners to do this and will fall in love with them.

If your dad didn't you will forever by trying to fix those wounds by reliving it through relationships in your adult life.

All and all a bit of a disaster because men who love me and treat me well, I have no feelings for. I can act the part but there is nothing there really. Men who treat me like my dad I seem to become desperate to make them love me.
So I gave up on relationships. Maybe in my next life.

Anyway just a theory.

JFC - it’s like those women who work in a prison who have sex with murders and rapists.

You know this bloke is an abusive cunt but as long as you’re getting his golden cock you couldn’t give a shit that he despises women, including you.

I echo what pp say that you seriously need therapy to understand why your bar is in the gutter and you’re so desperate for a scum bags dick.

The sex only seems good cause it's a relief, gratification, validation, high etc. after being rejected and messed about. After being made anxious and sad.

It's the high and the validation after the low and the rejection/possible rejection.

You desperately want him to validate you. That's why you get such a high/fix from it.

Yup.

Oxytocin.

Nope, it doesn't work like that.
You already have had feelings.
You will get them again.
But aside from all that, this man sounds like an absolute scumbag.
You need to get rid.

Your self esteem must be at rock bottom if you would lower your self to be intimate with a man that despises you.

I have been there and I can tell you - you absolutely will not be able to “have sex now and then until I meet somebody else”.

I have done that in the past. Told myself that. Convinced myself I was doing that. I was wrong. I was becoming emotionally invested and entangled with a toxic man.

If I could got back to my early 20s - mids 20s self I would say “Block, Delete, Move On”.

Also while you waste your time with this man you actually won’t mean anybody else as you won’t be emotionally open to meet other men.

How can you sleep with a man who gets off on hurting women ? Get some self respect & have nothing more to do with him - If you can’t do it for yourself do it for all of the other women he’s abused !

Is it Russell Brand?!

If not, what have I just read?

he must be bad if there is an actual investigation !! is it a Legal investigation or workplace ?

arn’t you you concerned for your safety ?

arn’t your concerned about your low standards / self esteem?

Dear fucking Lord, what have I just read.

Whatever nonsense it is that you use to justify this to yourself, you really need to stop it.
What makes you think he isn’t lining you up for the same battering as his exes? Do you think they thought like you do, until they learned the hard way not to be so fucking stupid?

They at least have the wit to no longer go near him, and you are so utterly witless that you can write that.

Imagine saying out loud to another man in the future “I like having sex with men who batter women, I put myself in harms way because the sex is great.” Can you hear what an absolute nut case you sound like.

You are continuing to allow a man to abuse women. You are allowing this by continuing to have sex with him. He will do what he gets away with. You are not in control here u never have been. You are allowing the cycle of abuse to continue. You are giving this man all the power. And he has it all. The only way you will ever be in control of him is by going no contact. And sticking to it for the rest of your life. And you are so not ready for that. Good luck with the sex only talk you have convinced yourself about, you already know you are lying to yourself and this man is laughing at you as lie on your back and take it. Find your self respect. Love yourself.

I absolutely could not be intimate with any man who has been abusive to women. If you are still attracted to him knowing he's an abusive arsehole who gets off on hurting women, you need to have a long think about why that is. And probably explore that in therapy.

Every time you think of having sex with him, bash your head into a wall or rub some pepper in your vagina while looking at a picture of him. Hopefully that'll bring you back to your senses, as you're far too into him for FWB type stuff.

OP, please invest in some therapy to find out why your self-esteem is so low that you’d tolerate this and subject yourself to a man with so little respect for you.

So he treats you badly and he has a history of being abusive to women, and instead of getting rid of him altogether you think you can do this on your own terms and just shag him every now and again. You’re literally playing into his hands and giving him what he wants…sex without the commitment, and abusing you/treating you badly and you keep coming back for more. He doesn’t respect you and he doesn’t want a relationship with you. He’s happy to have sex with you but that’s where it stops for him. You’re never going to meet someone else whilst he’s in your life because your mind is on him…so this is basically it for you and your life- you wasting years of your life on a man who isn’t worthy of you. The only person you’re hurting in this situation is yourself coz he couldn’t care less.

I've been in a similar position with the same type of man. Before I met him I thought I was reasonably sensible and level headed. I never thought I'd be the type to be in an abusive relationship. Psychopaths are addictive, I've learnt that. I was addicted to him even though i was scared of him. The feeling I had with him I've never had with anyone else before or since but being with him was hell but the pull was a force to be reckoned with.

It's been 9 years since I got free of that relationship and I realise I'd had a lucky escape. He ended up doing time for beating up the mother of his child and it wasn't the first time. Absolute monster.

Please please leave this man. You'll continue to get hurt, possibly physically. You can't have sex when there's already feelings involved. It's madness and you know it is.

Think if you had a daughter and she ended up with a man like that. I have two daughters now and it makes my blood run cold just the thought.

No cock, even if it made of pure gold, is ever worth this.

I'm sorry but the sex is too good? Yet you're okay being with someone who abuses others? How long until he does that to you.

If he is narcissistic (overused term on here) the supply you give him will mean he gets bored and he will discard you.

Find your self respect and your happiness and send him packing.

Not a great message you’re sending out to abusive men. Being in a FWB type relationship isn’t the issue it’s the fact that there’s no incentive for him to change if he gets what he wants anyway. Also OP use what’s on top not the bottom to think here - eg can you imagine if he caught a STD and blamed you next you hooked up? Would you feel safe? Or if he’d had a bad day and was rough with you? I dunno, my minds just blown you would willingly keep such a liability in your life. If you have any sense, you’d get a toy and get rid!